Xander Week 6 – Working Mom’s Guilt…
October 31, 2006
This week is my last full week home with Xander before I return to work. I have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since well before I started planning a family. Unfortunately, not many middle class families in America can afford to survive on a single income. As much as I would love to stay home with children until they are both established in school, we simply can’t afford it.
As with most working moms, I’m having quite the rollercoaster of feelings about returning to work. Of course I’m feeling guilty about leaving my firstborn. I’m sad about all of the moments I’ll miss with him, and worried that I won’t have enough left at the end of the day to give him what he needs.
On the other hand, I’m excited about returning to the world of adults. My world has mostly been confined to the inside of my house for the past 6 weeks, so it’ll be nice to interact with people outside of my house, and to have things to talk about other than the number of poopie diapers Xander had in a day.
Zach is spending the next several weeks with Xander, so I’m not worried about his care until mid-January when he starts day care. The day care he is going to attend is excellent – highly recommended, and very well staffed. But, no day care will love Xander the way we do, and maybe won’t ware about his needs as well and as lovingly as we do. I’m sure this is going to be something that I’ll struggle with for many months or years to come – hopefully we’ll come up with a routine that satisfies Xander and us…
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I could never have a baby in America…I live in luxembourg and im 29 weeks pregnant at the moment and due to start maternity leave next week…which will last 10 months (11 months if I breastfeed!). I could never imagine going back to work after just 6 weeks of being with my baby!
Hi Dawn – I am definitely jealous of the families who get so much more time to raise their kids. I can’t even imagine having that much time off. Time before the baby to organize, clean and rest, and then time after to relax and raise my child – a luxury we aren’t allowed very often here. Some families make it work with just a single parent working and the other staying home. Unfortunately, our family needs the second income, so we didn’t really have a choice. We make it work though – I don’t feel like I miss much with Xander. We do all of the important things together, and I know that he is well cared for when I’m at work, so I don’t worry about that. Sometimes I wonder how he might have turned out differently if he’d had my undivided attention for the early years of his life, and then I remember that there is really no way to know this, and that his experiences at day care will also provide him with some positive experiences that he might have missed out on otherwise. Enjoy your time home with your family – you are certainly lucky to have so much time to spend!!