Xander Week 14 - A Whole New World
December 27, 2006
I think that the one thing people always say when they find out you’re having a baby is that your world is going to change, nothing will ever be the same, etc. Of course, no one really talks about what is going to change, and since you’ve heard this same statement 20 times that week, you simply nod your head and say yes it will… So, I’ve got some more detailed thoughts on things that change once you have a new little person in hour house. These are of course only examples, and I’m sure there are plenty of things that I’ve forgotten or not yet discovered 
1. Topics of discussion. Pre-baby Zach and I talked about work, our respective family and friends, books and movies we were interested in, our blogs, and news in general. Post-baby our focus has changed somewhat. We still talk about those other things, but the discussion is primarily focused on Xander - how much he ate that day, how fussy he’s been, how often he pooped, and anything exceptionally cute or impressive he did. Our friend Dan told us that once we’ve got an hour without talking about poop we will have reached a milestone. At first I thought that was silly, until I realized he was right - it’s hard to go an hour without talking about it!
2. It doesn’t take much to get you excited. Pre-baby Zach and I were pretty mellow people - we didn’t get easily excited. Post-baby even the smallest events are worthy of celebration (for example, Xander sleeping through the night two nights in a row and we’re ready to break out the party hats!)
3. Your world becomes so much smaller. Suddenly world politics and national news become far less interesting. Instead of spending time following the news, we spend time following our son’s development. When he can consistently put his hand in his mouth, or sleep through the night, these things seem far more newsworthy.
4. The stuff in your house expands exponentially. Pre-baby Zach and I had tons of stuff - we are constantly shifting things around, trying to organize better, and eventually sift out the things that we no longer use. It seems that Xander, in his 3 months on this earth, has managed to accumulate almost as much stuff as both Zach and I have in our combined 54 years on this earth. I’m not quite sure how this happens, but things just seem to magically accumulate until you look around and suddenly there isn’t a single room in our house that does not have something baby related in it. It’s quite an amazing phenomena.
5. Caution. Pre-baby I was a fairly cautious person, though I didn’t really worry too much about my personal safety. I always wore my seatbelt, and did my best to eat healthy, etc., but thoughts of mortality rarely crossed my mind. Now, when I’m driving I worry about getting hurt or dying, not for my own sake, but because I have this little person at home who needs me. So, my reasons for being extra cautious are not for my own benefit but for my son’s.
6. A shift in priorities. Pre-baby, our two cats were the focus in the house. At night our routine always included a few hours of cuddle time with the cats. Post-baby, I find the cats to be much more annoying. It’s not that they interfere with Xander - in fact they hardly acknowledge that even exists. It’s just that I don’t have as much time for them, and their antics that used to seem funny and cute, now just seem to make more work. I still love them, and enjoy spending time with them, but they are no longer the number one priority in the house.
So many things do change, but some things have stayed the same - Zach and I are still able to discuss what’s going on at work, and watch some television that we enjoy, and go out and do things (though it does take more effort to get packed up to go these days…) Some of the changes take some time to adjust to, and others seem to happen naturally without much effort. Sometimes I do miss parts of my pre-baby life, but then I look at my son, and remember all of the things that I have gained, and that pre-baby life doesn’t seem so important anymore.
My daughter is 3 years old and I still daydream about the childless years. The funny thing is, I can’t wait for her to go to grandma’s for the night but before I can get back in my car to go home, I want to scoop her up and take her back with me.
The first year of her life, I made what I consider the biggest “mistake” of my life, I decided to celebrate my birthday without the baby. I ended up standing at the window the entire time my daughter was gone just wishing she was with me. It was the worst birthday I have ever had.
Hi Mana, I can understand those conflicting feelings - I enjoy my time when I don’t have a baby attached to my hip, but then I feel guilty about enjoying that time, and I do miss the little guy. Thanks for sharing your experiences - hopefully we’ll be able to learn from them!