We Have A Biter…
April 8, 2010
Parker has always been our rough and tumble kid. He loves to wrestle. He loves to be tossed about. He loves anything that involves physical play. In our house, most of the time, this is ok. We separate the boys when Parker gets too physical. I put him down when he tries to hit me. We constantly remind him to be gentle, and show him gentle touches. But the kid just loves rough play. Last week at day care he chased another child. He pushed the child down (the kid’s head bumped a table) and then Parker when in for a bite. The teacher pulled Parker off of the other kid and reprimanded him. He, in his typical Parker fashion, melted and collapsed on the floor in tears. After the reprimand came the comforting and eventually they went back to playing normally.
After this, I asked the teacher what I should do. Her response was vague – he didn’t actually bite, so they didn’t have a “no biting” discussion. He’s not even 18 months yet, so lengthy discussions don’t work. I let her know I was open to any suggestions, that we were trying everything we could think of and would try anything anyone else could think of.
I asked my mother-in-law and sister-in-law what they thought. They have over 50 years of parenting experience combined, so I thought between all of the kids and grandkids maybe they would have come across this sort of situation before. My mother-in-law talked about a friend of the family who used to bite her older brother when she was little. Eventually the mother encouraged the boy to bite her back. He did, and the biting stopped. I thought that biting back wasn’t an approved solution, but I could be wrong. This wasn’t exactly biting back either, since it was the brother who bit, not a parent…
I asked our pediatrician. He said this behavior is normal, and that we should just keep doing what we’re doing.
Then last night Parker bit me. Hard. Hard enough to draw blood. We were playing on the floor after dinner. He was getting pretty rough, so I wrapped him in my arms and told him that hands were for hugs, not hitting. While I hugged him, he bit me. After I had pulled him off, and recovered from the surprise, I tried to explain to Parker that he hurt Mommy. That we don’t bite, etc. but he was too riled up to listen to any words coming out of my mouth.
So, anyone who happens to stumble across this blog: How do you teach a 15-month-old not to bite? Furthermore, how do you teach this particular 15-month-old boy to please, please be a little more gentle?
I wish I knew. We have the same problem with Ryan (now 20 mos). He has always been more aggressive than JJ. His thing, though, is pinching and scratching. You can tell when he does it that he is so overwhelmed with excitement that he can hardly contain himself, all the same the whole family is covered in scratches and bruises from him. We are pretty much at our wit’s end as well. Most of the time we just stick him in the pack’n'play and tell him “no” we don’t hurt, etc…
My son was a biter at that age too. Our daycare suggested getting him a baseball cap. The thinking is that if he goes to bite someone he will bump into them with the hat brim first and then be distracted enough to bite. This did seem to help him somewhat. Though I think what really helped him were the other children. He eventually got bitten a few times himself. He is still a rough and tumble kind of boy, but he has outgrown the biting. Hang in there and good luck!
I have been reading your blog for 2 years…and this is the first time I’ve commented:)
I have two boys as well. Kuba, my older son is 2.5 years, and is uber aggressive. My husband and I have NO IDEA where he gets it from, as we are both totally docile people. He doesn’t bite, but he hits me all the time. We have tried time outs, putting him in the corner, flicking his ear, and yelling. He still hits. I keep telling myself that it’s a phase, and that I need to keep doing what I’m doing to make any sort of impact.
I guess I can’t offer advice, but can tell you that you aren’t alone.
It must be a second child thing . . . my boys are 3.5 and 1.5. My second son deals with his emotions with aggression, too. Only advice is to weather the storm . . . they seem to move thru these stages fairly quick.
My daughter was a biter at around 18 months. Every time she bit us or was going to bite us, we would quite sternly say “ow”, put her down on the floor, say “that hurt mummy/daddy” and then we walked into another room. She would then have a melt down (and we would not go to comfort her) which would last about a minute or two, then she would come to us wanting a cuddle but we would withhold all cuddling until she kissed the ‘ouch’ better. It took about 4 months before she figured out that biting causes nothing good.
I hope that helps and good luck with whatever method you do use
Thank you all for the comments! It’s so great to know that our son isn’t the only biter out there, and that there is hope that he’ll still grow up to be a perfectly sweet little guy. I like the baseball cap suggestion – he actually already has one, now it’s just a matter of getting him to wear it more often
i also think that Kasha used a good method of the consistent behavior and so we’ve started trying that as well. Hopefully we’ll get him out of this particular phase quickly 
I definately think it is the age… my daughter bit a couple of times but after turning two the urge seems to have gone away. I also think when those back teeth start coming in it does feel good to bite down on something (at least that is what I told myself:)).
I do think (from what I have read and from my experience) it is important to be stern when a child bites. My mother and law also suggested biting but that seemed over the top to me. The couple times it happen to us we spoke to our daughter sternly and but her in time out. Over time I think she learned.