Xander Week 84 - Worried about sibling jealousy…
July 11, 2008
Xander is a wonderful first child. He is relatively easy going, he’s happy to follow a schedule, but he’s flexible when we need him to be. He sleeps pretty well and eats pretty well, and he loves us completely. He also very much enjoys his role as the “baby” of the family. He can have Zach’s or my undivided attention anytime he requests it. Both my family and Zach’s family dotes on him - they love to visit with him, play with him, and care for him at any opportunity.
I worry about how Xander’s personality will change once his baby brother or sister arrives. I hope that it will change for the better - he will learn patience, and empathy and sibling love. However, I think that the transition will be difficult for him. One article I was reading on Babycenter compared bringing a new sibling home to a husband or wife bringing a new spouse home. Not quite the same of course, but kids experience similar feelings of being replaced or not being needed/wanted anymore. At nearly two, I’m not quite sure how to prepare Xander for this. We’ve bought books, and talked about the baby in Mommy’s tummy, but he never seems to understand the concept, and even if he did, I don’t think he could grasp the big picture of how much his life is going to change.
I love my little guy, and I have always wanted him to have a brother or sister - not only because I wanted two kids but because I didn’t want Xander to be an only child. I want him to have a sibling to play with, who will sympathize with him when Mom and Dad are being “mean”, who will help him convince his parents that getting a gerbil really is a good idea, etc. I just wish there was a way to help him understand some of this stuff before we walk in the door with a squirming, crying infant who absorbs so much of our time…
I’m sure some of you out there have had similar experiences. How did you ease the transition for your oldest children? I’ve read lots of articles, but I haven’t seen anything that sounds like a good solid plan yet…
We just had a second baby (our first son is 20 months) and I’ve been looking for resources as well. All I’ve found so far seem to be written for older children. If you do find something good, let us know!!
I bet once the initial craziness settles down, xman will just be annoyed because the new thing can’t play yet!
i bet he will be okay
Hi Mel - congrats on your second! I’m certain in the months/years to come I’ll continue to post about this particular challenge, as it seems like something that doesn’t go away easily… Zach and I have been talking about “special” things we can do with the oldest in the next year or so to make sure that he still gets some one-on-one time with the both of us. How have things been going for you?