The Battles Rage on
September 25, 2009
It’s been almost a month since we “sold” Xander’s binkies. It’s been a good move I think. It was time. We were ready. He was ready. These are the phrases that keep marching through my head every night at bed time. Xander is generally a great kid. He’s positive, upbeat, happy and usually cooperative. Like all kids (let’s be honest, even adults), he doesn’t react well to the word ‘no’, but we can usually move on pretty quickly. Until the dreaded bedtime.
At “bedtime” Xander morphs from this happy, easy going kid into a petulant, obstinate, bratty toddler. It’s fight to do everything, brush his teeth, get his pajamas on, read books and finally turn out lights. It doesn’t matter how great an evening we’ve had, or how much warning or prep time I use. Incentives haven’t worked, taking away privileges or “treats” hasn’t worked. Last night is a perfect example. Parker was exhausted and asleep before 7pm. Xander and I stayed up and played for a bit before watching about 20 minutes of Iron Giant. I warned him about getting his pajamas on. I paused the movie, got him dressed and resumed the movie. At a good stopping point, I stopped the movie (after several warnings) and told him it was time to brush his teeth. I warned him that if he didn’t get up, he would have a time out. I counted to three, and then he got his time out (just 2 minutes). He cried the whole time, but then agreed to brush his teeth.
In the bathroom, more disagreements about which toothbrush to use, about not swallowing the toothpaste and about not biting down on the toothbrush while I’m brushing. Finally, it’s time to go upstairs and read books. I sit Xander in his bed and pull out 2 books. He doesn’t want those 2, so I put them back and try again, and then again. After the third rejection, I tell him that if he rejects the next 2, he’s not getting any. (Currently we have a small collection of books on a high shelf in his bedroom, a hazard of keeping the house clean while it’s on the market). He turns down the next set, so I turn off the light and step outside the room.
He cries of course, and I walk back in and ask him if he’s ready to be reasonable. He says yes, so I turn on the light and pull another book from the shelf. He tells me he wants his mix ‘n match superhero book. I hate this book. It’s falling apart. It takes forever to read because Xander has to hear each combination, so it’s not even a cohesive story, just repeated bits over and over and over again. I say no. Xander pitches a fit, which wakes up Parker. I leave Xander and try to sooth Parker back to sleep, but with Xander’s continued wails, he won’t settle back down. So, I pick Parker up, and deposit him on Xander’s floor and tell Xander that now that he has woken his brother, we only have time for 1 book. I read him his one book (quickly, without the usual dramatic effect, voices or input from him, which Xander clearly does not enjoy as much). Then I tell him I have to put Parker back to sleep. I turn out the light and Xander starts to wail again – this time because I only read him one book. I close the door and take Parker downstairs to settle him back down into a sleepy state. I have Parker nearly asleep when Xander gets out of bed and to the stop of the stairs and calls for me. This of course wakes Parker up again.
Now I’m really frustrated. It’s just me and 2 crying boys, and I don’t have enough hands to deal with them both at once. I make Xander come back downstairs and tell him to sit in the time out chair until I get Parker back to sleep. More wailing ensues, but at least with the door to Parker’s room closed, it’s quiet and I can finally get Parker back to sleep.
I collect my exhausted son who has been wailing for the better part of an hour now. He’s tired, and splotchy, and mostly worn out. I tuck him back into bed, and he asks me to sit with him. I should note that every night since we took away his binkies his father or I have ended up sitting next to his bed until he falls asleep. It’s not fun. It makes my back hurt and my butt numb. I told Xander that I would not sit next to him until he falls asleep, but I would give him a flashlight. In a rather weak exhausted parenting moment, I gave Xander the flashlight even though he had been awful throughout the entire bedtime process. This at least allowed me to retire to the couch for a few hours and not sit next to my non-sleeping son for the rest of the evening.
Every single night for a month we have battled with Xander on sleep. Prior to this, life had been nearly blissful – Xander had been sleeping perfectly and without argument and Parker had been sleeping through the night. Now, it takes super-human strength and patience to get Xander to sleep (and he usually wakes up at least once in the night) and he almost always wakes his brother up. On nights when Parker somehow manages to sleep through his brother’s antics, he wakes himself up at 2:30 or 3:30 and is almost always awake for at least an hour.
It’s going to get better, right? I’m going to have more than 4 hours of sleep in a night someday, right? I’m not going to have to wrestle, argue, cajole, bribe and beg my son to sleep every night for the next 15 years, right? Someday this parenting gig is going to ease up a bit, right?
Sometimes it feels like just a few weeks ago I was waddling around in the middle of August with a belly that didn’t seem to end, or walking up and down my street, pausing for every contraction and hoping that soon I’d be ready to go to the hospital, or giving Xander his first bath, or getting peed on again because we hadn’t yet figured out the brilliance of a “pee-pee cloth”.
Those of you who know me know that I’m the “type A personality”, the planner, the person who needs to have a schedule, a backup schedule, and contact numbers for every outing (ok, that may be a bit excessive, but you get my point). For a while now I’ve been thinking about what we might need to purchase in order to be prepared for baby # 2. Since Xander isn’t very big yet, we’ve still got lots and lots of baby stuff, which is a big plus on a tight budget. However, I have paid attention and learned a great deal in my first attempt at motherhood, and I can see some things that might be useful this time around that I didn’t have the opportunity to make use of the first time. For those of you (family/friends) who are interested in the whole list, please check out my masterwish list.
