Parker Week 20 – Done With Breastfeeding…
June 5, 2009
That’s it, no more breastfeeding for me. I think this time around there was more of a sense of finality about it, since I know I won’t have any more children, there will be no more breastfeeding in my future. With Xander, the decision was entirely his. He had completely given up on me just before he reached 6 months. I was a bit put out that I wasn’t involved in the decision-making process. However, once I got over myself, I discovered the wonderful freedom that comes from weaning.
This time around, I was more involved in the decision. Parker had already decided that he didn’t like to nurse at night – he preferred a bottle when he was that tired. He would nurse first thing in the morning, though it seemed more like he was humoring me, not because he actually wanted to nurse.
There were several factors that helped me make the decision. Most importantly, Parker’s increasing disinterest in nursing. I was continuing to pump in the middle of the day, but that was becoming increasingly difficult. Since I share an office with studen workers, I couldn’t exactly whip out my pump in my office in the middle of the day. There were sometimes free offices around lunch time that I could sneak into, but they were becoming frequently less available. Eventually I started kicking Zach out of his office for lunch time, but that wasn’t really convenient for him (though he was a good sport about it!).
Finally, I noticed that my milk production had reduced so much that I couldn’t even satisfy Parker for even one meal. Then it seemed silly to continue. He was getting what he needed from the formula, and the extra work involved in breastfeeding no longer outweighed the benefits.
About a week after I stopped breastfeeding we started Parker on solid foods, so now he is also finding nutrition from additional sources.
I’m comfortable with my decision. I think it was the right time for Parker and for me. I thought long and hard about it, and spent a lot of time considering my options. Unfortunately, I can’t shake my guilty feeling. I nursed Xander for nearly a month more than Parker. I know this is a little difference – insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But, I worry that this is a presecedent I’m setting for Parker – that “almost” is good enough for him where we went the extra mile for Xander. I want things to be equal, I don’t want to have differences in parenting decisions wherever possible.
I’m not sure how I became a target, but somehow Xander has decided that spitting up on me is the best place to get sick. It doesn’t matter how vigilant I am with a burp cloth, Xander will save his spit-up for times when I’m not burping him, and have of course forgotten the cloth over my shoulder. In the past 3 weeks I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been on the receiving end of spit-up. One eventful night Xander got my t-shirt – but I was prepared for that, and had a spare t-shirt next to the bed. After I changed my t-shirt, I nursed Xander, and he managed to spit up on my pants. I wasn’t prepared for that, so Zach held the baby while I changed my pajama bottoms. As I took Xander back, he managed to spew spit-up into my hair (I had it pulled back, that kid just has a special knack for getting spit-up everywhere!), so at 4:30 am I found myself in the shower… Yesterday Xander managed to spit up on two sweaters (both dry clean only…), and this weekend he managed to spew what looked like 4 ounces of milk all over the both of us – before I could even get him to the burp cloth on my shoulder! Why is any of this interesting? Because Xander doesn’t spit up on anyone else – just me. Well, to be accurate, he did catch our friend Sandee with some this past weekend, but other than that isolated incident, I think I have caught all of Xander’s spit-up, and I don’t spend as much time with him these days, as Zach is at home with him during the day, and gets up with him at night. Somehow in the 6 hours during the week and the weekends Xander manages to save all of his spit-up time for me – I don’t wear perfume, Zach and I use the same shampoo, laundry detergent, etc., so I’m hoping that it isn’t something about my scent that makes my kid ill, but at this point I’m starting to worry that something about me makes my kid sick…
I imagine that many women get the same question I got when I was pregnant – are you going to breast feed? My answer was “I’m going to try.” So, after Xander was born, we set to work at learning how the whole breast feeding process was supposed to work. The first time the nurse brought Xander in to nurse, he latched on quite easily. That first night, I was encouraged that things were going to go smoothly. For the past month I think that some days, and then other days I wish that we had decided to bottle feed the little guy. One of my nipples was blistered and sore for over 2 weeks. My mom said to keep going and it would get better. It did finally, but it was a long two weeks.
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