A little self examination…
February 12, 2010I think I might be a little too self-righteous when it comes to encroaching on family time. I have two recent examples:
Example one: An old friend was scheduled to come into town for a visit earlier this week. Plans had tentatively been made to meet up at a local bar/restaurant after work on Monday to catch up. The person making the plans was a little vague on the details, but since the location was family friendly, and I hadn’t seen this person in a long long time, Zach and I decided we’d be brave and have the kids tag along. So, Sunday night was full of preparation – I packed a diaper bag, and a bag of toys to hopefully keep the boys entertained. I prepared Xander for the following day’s plans. I carefully picked out clothing for school that wouldn’t accentuate the large amounts of food my kids manage to spill on themselves throughout the day. The next morning I packed a few remaining supplies – milk for Parker, a juice box for Xander, gummies for both of them. I continued mentioning Xander our plans for after school, and told him he could even have a “special” drink (a.k.a. shirley temple). 3pm rolls around, and I hear that plans have changed – they are no longer going to the family friendly location, but rather to one of the sketchier bars in town. Needless to say, there was no way I was bringing my kids to that bar. This made me so frustrated. Not only was I really looking forward to catching up with my old friend, but I had put so much effort into planning for the evening and I just knew tears would ensue when Xander found out we were not going to a restaurant and he would not have his special drink. I ended up sending off a short and rather snarky email – the location was shifted back and we all had a pleasant time visiting before the kidless crowd relocated themselves to the sketchier bar.
Example two: Wednesday night we arrived home at 5:30. At 5:40 Zach received an email from his boss with a request. After a follow-up to check the deadline, Zach learned that he had exactly one hour to finish the request. This threw our whole evening out of whack. My plans for a healthy meal – gone. My hope to help Xander with a thank-you note and Valentine’s Day Cards for school, not happening. Instead, I packed the boys back into the car (over many protests) and we drove to McDonald’s. We spent $12 for the three of us to eat fried crap and Xander to get a junky toy. An hour later, we drove back home (again). I understand that Zach’s job requires more than just 9-5 attention. I am completely supportive of his efforts to tweak scripts and research problems in the evenings and respond to emails nearly 24/7. What I couldn’t fathom was why Zach (and others in his office) had to drop everything from their evening routines to get a request done for 7pm on a Wednesday night. There was no 8pm meeting that I was aware of. And other than convenience for the boss to have some extra reading time, I couldn’t see any other logical explanation for the upheaval in our evening.
Twice this week my hackles have been raised by people without children failing to consider the massive amount of effort that goes into shifting plans or last minute requests. I feel like I’m being unreasonable – as one of my childless friends loves to remind me “kids are a choice” – and he’s completely right. I chose to have children, and I accept all of the responsibility and hassle that comes with that choice. But, I do get frustrated when others forget about the effort and hassle that I’m juggling.
Am I being unreasonable in expecting those without kids to remember the time and effort that goes into preparations for them? Should I just suck it up and continue juggling without complaint, or should I continue to remind people when they forget that it is more work and effort and some consideration is appreciated?
