1 year old Parker

Last year on December 30th Zach and I got up before the sun (4am). I enjoyed my last shower for a few days, and then we grabbed our bag and drove about 3 blocks down the street to the hospital. When we arrived at the labor & delivery desk at 5am, they whisked me into a room and directly in to a johnny and then to bed where they stuck me with a few IV’s. We hung out and watched Parker’s movement on the fetal monitor for a while, and went through a few stacks of paperwork. Zach changed into some lovely maroon scrubs and at some point, I got my epidural. By 7:30am I was wheeled down to the operating room. I remember shivering a lot – first from the epidural, and then the cool temperature in the OR compounded the shaking. The very kind anesthesiologist tucked a warmed blanket around my head and shoulders while the rest of the operating team worked below my waist. I can remember a few tugs and pulls, and then wondering if they were going to make the incision soon, which is right when I first heard your little squeaky cry.

A few hours later, Zach and I were settled back in our room with the newest addition to our family, Parker Austin. Luckily, this time around, one of us knew how to breastfeed, so that process went a little more smoothly. Right from the start, you were Squeaky – you were the noisiest eater we had seen, and we chuckled over your little noises. You had lots of visitors that first day, and slept through nearly all of it. Your brother was so excited to meet you, and immediately insisted that we unswaddle you so that he could see your toes (I know, he’s got some strange ideas at times).

Eventually the visitors dwindled, and the three of us slept and relaxed for the rest of the day. The next few days in the hospital were pretty quiet and relaxed. You slept a lot, and I tried to sleep whenever possible. We tried to learn as much about your new personality as possible. We let you stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, but I told you that would be the last time in a long time that we’d allow it I finally let your Dad eat Thai food (during our pregnancy, I wouldn’t let anyone even have it in the same room with me – even the sight of the restaurant was enough to make me feel nauseous).

You have been a joy and delight every day since you were conceived. At the same time, you have challenged us in ways we could not have anticipated every day. You can be the best, happiest baby, and you have the most adorable smile that has only gotten cuter with the six teeth you have sprouted. On the other hand, you have very strong opinions, and are not shy about letting us know when you are irritated. Mostly, you get mad when we try to change your diaper (which sometimes takes two people – one to pin you down, and one to clean you up) or try to get you dressed – the cold winter has provided plenty of challenges for all of us – you can take mittens off almost as fast as we can put them on, and many days we skip them (assuming the weather isn’t too cold).

You are a wonderful sleeper.  If you had been our first child, we might have considered having a whole litter.  The first 6-8 months were rough, but now you’re amazing and we very much appreciate that (especially because your brother is still a rotten sleeper).  You are also an excellent eater (not at all picky) which is refreshing.  I’m sure you’ll develop your own picky tastes as you toddle into childhood, but for now we are enjoying the fact that you’ll eat pretty much all of whatever we put on your tray.

You learned to roll over at about 5 months.  By 7 months you were scooting and then crawling.  At 10 months you could stand for the briefest of seconds on your own, and started to cruise on furniture.  You took your first steps in the middle of your 11th month, but you still prefer to crawl  (oh man, you are the fastest crawler – it’s tough to keep up with you sometimes!)

You are a rough and tumble little boy.  You love to tackle your brother, or anyone else who might be sitting or lying on the floor.  You learned to crawl up the stairs at 9 months, but we are still too terrified to let you do it on your own, and your climbing back down skills are still a bit weak.  In some ways, you can be just like your brother.  In others, you are his antithesis, you are chaos where he is order.  He has loved you from the beginning though, and the two of you are clearly friends.  Xander does not like to go places without you, and even when offered a treat, he refuses if you can’t come.  He always remembers to ask if you can have some of whatever he has, and he loves it when the two of you “match” – especially clothing (which personally, isn’t my thing, but I do indulge your brother from time to time).  It is easy to see that you two will be the best of friends for years to come.

If I could only use one word to describe your first year, it would be bouncy.  We’ve had lots of ups and downs with you (your weight, your sleeping pattern, your moods, etc.) and the one movement you have loved ever since you could hold your head steady is bouncing – if we could just hold you under your arms, you would jump and bounce happily for hours at a time (unfortunately, we have yet to meet anyone with the arm strength to keep up with that desire).

You are my youngest and last son.  I love you more than words can describe.  You are smart, strong willed and have brief but wonderful moments of tenderness.  One of my favorite memories from 2009 will always be rocking quietly with you in front of the fire as you fall asleep and watching the snow slowly fall out the window.  It was as close to perfection as I have gotten in a long time.  I hope your first year was as wonderful for you as it was for us, and I know that this coming year will be just as amazing.  Happy Birthday Peanut!

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Xander has the ability to make us laugh until we cry.  While he can’t recite many traditional songs, he makes them up on the fly and even gives them titles.  Recently he has offered to sing at Zach’s meetings (I personally think that would be the high point for some of them).  Xander loves chocolate milk.  We compromise by giving him Ovaltine in milk (less sugar and more vitamins).  He hates to go to sleep, but also doesn’t really like waking up – it sometimes takes him 30 minutes or so to be ready to rejoin the conscious world.  Xander loves all things “boy” – tractors, trucks, cars, balls, bats, swords, pirates.  Although he embraces his maleness, he can also be very sensitive – he worries about monsters and bad guys.  His feelings get hurt if one of his friends picks on him or takes a toy he wants, and he hasn’t quite figured out how to handle those feelings yet.

My boy loves anything pasta related.  He loves carrots, but refuses to eat any other vegetables.  He does not like pizza.  He loves strawberries.  You and watch a video of him reading about a strawberry here.  In the past year or so he has discovered the wonders of sweets and now like any typical kid, would much prefer to eat cookies and candy as a meal (though he has yet to convince his parents of the benefits of this dietary decision).

Xander has outgrown the Curious George television show, but still sleeps with two Curious George stuffed animals at night.  He still laughs at Little Einsteins, and continues to enjoy an occasional Phineas and Ferb.  His favorite movie at the moment is Iron Giant.  My boy loves everything in his world to match – he wants his underwear to match his shirt, which should match his socks and shoes, and his little brother should have the exact same outfit.  His favorite color is orange.  He also likes to match his parents, which can be challenging….  There are many days that he will refuse to wear this jacket or that sweatshirt because Parker does not have a matching one.  Since I’m a fan of individuality, I haven’t really sought out many matching outfits for my son, so this can at times prove to be a challenge.

Xander can count to 11.  He knows his shapes and colors and most of his letters (though his recitation of the alphabet is still missing a few.. and he is certain that l-m-n-o is one letter…).  He has thought and reasoning that has at times stunned us.  (Mama, can we go to the park? No, it’s dark and time for bed.  Mama, can we go in the morning? No, we have work and school.  Mama, how about we go to the park first, and then to work and school?).  He is good with direction, and often can identify where we are going well before we get there (this way to my school, this way to Nana’s house, etc.).  There are times when his memory astounds us.  On Wednesday this week he mentioned the monkey that my former boss, JoAnn gave him back in January after Parker was born – and remembered JoAnn’s name, and the fact that she carried his presents in a basket.

Although he’s inconsistent, he can regularly get a ball into a full-size basketball hoop (and often complains that his toddler sized hoop is too short) and can sometimes hit a ball with a bat (and never seems to tire of that game…) Xander recently learned how to “pump” on a swing.  He isn’t great at it yet, but he can make himself move back and forth.  He can jump from a moving wagon and land on his feet (yes, he is terrifying).   My boy frequently makes friends and family nervous with his antics (so much so that someone often volunteers to “spot” him) but his father and I have developed an immunity to many of his antics.

“They” say that three is harder than two.  We have certainly encountered some more challenging power struggles lately, but all-in-all we have somehow managed to produce one amazing kid.  People sometimes tell us what a great kid we have, and we say thank you but in the back of my head I’m thinking that I shouldn’t really be taking the credit – I think most of Xander’s amazingness comes from him, and not from any outside influences.  Our amazing kid is three years old today, and I can’t wait to see what is in store for us next!  Happy Birthday son.

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For the past few years, when I need to contact health insurance, it’s usually to do with pregnancies. We all have nightmare stories about getting lost in automated telephone responses, or waiting on hold for hours before giving up.  My experiences with Harvard Pilgrim have been entirely different.  First, I learned that there is no co-pay for regularly scheduled pre-natal visits.  Let me repeat that – no co-pay.  So every time I went to pee in a cup and get weighed and measured, it was free!  They also assigned me a nurse consultant, so if I had any questions having to do with pregnancy or baby I could call and ask.  I think this would have been more useful if I was a first time mom, but it was nice to know that I had another source of information and assistance if I wasn’t getting what I needed from my doctor’s office.

I’ve found that when I call the number listed on the back of my insurance card, I don’t wait on hold for a long time.  I speak with a human who responds in clear, understandable language.  Since I work in the customer service field, I have some rather strong opinions on what good customer service should be like.  The representatives at Harvard Pilgrim have always been pleasant, easy to understand, they answer my questions effectively, and they always ask if there is anything else they can help me with.

After Parker was born, we received a few bills for his birth.  This is not unusual for that temporary period between the time when the baby comes out, and when the baby gets an insurance card.  When the first bill arrived, I called the number given to me in the hospital, which directed me to the hospital’s customer service department where I was supposed to give them Parker’s insurance number.  I spent 15 minutes on hold.  I’m not exaggerating – I timed it, 15 minutes.  When I finally got to the customer service rep and explained my story, she suggested I contact my insurance company.  In my head I was thinking “I just sat on the hold, jiggling a fussy baby for 15 minutes for what?!?”

After that entirely frustrating conversation, I called Harvard Pilgrim.  Hold time was less than 3 minutes.  I spoke with a friendly lady who informed me that the bill was scheduled to be paid in full, and the check was due to be mailed out at the end of the week.  The conversation lasted less than 3 minutes, and I got all of the information I needed.  I assumed that the whole matter had been address, and I was satisfied that my insurance company was on top of the bill.

Flash forward a month, and we get a second bill from the hospital.  Since the check was on it’s way last time, I had (apprently incorrectly) assumed that the matter had been taken care of.  This one was a little more confusing, as pieces of the bill had been paid, but not the whole thing.  They were still charging us $871 for the pediatrician’s attendance at the birth (that was the biggest chunk of the itemized bill).  This time, I opted to call the insurance company first.  Again, after a short wait, I spoke with a friendly rep, who looked up my account and told me again that the bill had been paid in full, and that the check had been sent out.  She then told me that after we hung up, she would call the hospital and give them the check number, so that the could process everything correctly.  I have never had a customer service rep offer to go that extra step.  I would have expected her to give me the check number so that I could call the hospital.  Instead, she volunteered to do the extra leg work.  It was impressive, and thus, blog-worthy.  I’m not sure how we managed to get so lucky with this particular health insurance company, but I sincerely hope that our employers don’t change insurance companies on us anytime soon!

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When Xander was born, we had a wonderful experience with the hospital staff.  Our hospital is a relatively small regional one – only 4 post-delivery rooms, but that wing was entirely rebuilt (finished about 2 months before Xander was born) so everything is new and pretty high tech for our rural setting.  Aside from one nurse who was a little obsessive about rules on the maternity ward, they were all awesome.  The nurses were incredibly attentive.  One nurse who usually works in the ER spent the day with me while I was in labor (filling in a shift) and actually came up to check on me the next time she was working.  One of our doctors actually came in (with one of his kids) on his day off to check on me.  Overall, it was a great experience.  They were great with Xander – showed us everything a new parent might need to know, and they were always patient with us, never talked down to us, and truly seemed interested in our well-being.  It was such a great experience that a week or so later when I was feeling up to a walk, we bought them a gift basket of cookies and brought it to the hospital (I should mention that our house is less than a mile away from the hospital).

I think one of the factors in this positive experience was that we were the only ones in the maternity ward for 3 of the 4 days we were there.  The undivided attention was quite nice!  This time, if we’re lucky it’ll just be full and not over-full.

So now I’m nervous.  Not that I think the care will be any less amazing, but I don’t think that we’ll get the undivided attention that we got last time.  When they have the time, the nurses will keep the sleeping baby in the nursery, allowing mothers to get some much needed rest as well.  Again, this is only as time allows, so I suspect that this bonus feature will be offered far less during our upcoming stay.

I’m sure everything will work out just fine in the end – the baby will arrive, the doctors and nurses will give us great support, and we’ll go home a happy and slightly larger family.  But, that doesn’t stop me from wondering about what to expect when we arrive

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Right now, I just can’t decide. There are pros and cons to both sides. With a successful VBAC, there are less lung complications for the baby. However, if I attempt a VBAC and then end up with another emergency c-section, there are higher risks to the baby. There is also a small chance that if I attempt a natural birth, my uterus may tear at the sight of the incision of the first c-section. This would of course be bad news for both me and the baby. If I decide to have a scheduled c-section, there is more danger that the baby’s lungs might not be fully developed, but there is less stress than in a regular delivery. Since there is no way to predict how this birth will go, it’s even more difficult to decide what would be best.

Then of course, there are the practical considerations – a regular birth means a shorter recovery time, but an unpredictable delivery, and no guarantee that I might not need a c-section again eventually. A scheduled c-section fits much better with my type A personality and need to schedule and plan things. But, it also means a longer recovery time, and I wouldn’t be able to lift Xander for at least 2 weeks. I know some women feel robbed of a natural delivery if they end up having a c-section, but I never felt that way. I didn’t ever feel like I was less of a woman, or that my delivery was somehow less valid than any other delivery, so this time around I don’t feel like I need to try a natural delivery because I missed out on something the first time around. At least this isn’t something that I need to factor into my decision.

My doctors have been wonderful – I wondered if they would encourage one option over another, but they didn’t – not even a little bit. At my last visit we talked about some of the benefits of each option. He said that in his experience, women who went through a second c-section generally found the recovery time to be easier the second time around, which was a relief to hear. We talked a little bit about my specific delivery experience, and decided that we’d look at the records more later, and talk more as the time got closer. He also said that if I decided to try a regular birth, it would be like last time where I waited forever before they decided on a c-section. This time around, I could change my mind at any point. If I felt like things were going as slowly as they were before, then I could say that I didn’t want to wait anymore and I would prefer to go straight to c-section. All of this information made me feel a lot better about either decision I make, but I’m still having a heck of a time trying to decide.

There are tons of websites out there with individual stories about women who had VBACs, even vbac.com – which is of course entirely in favor of going the natural delivery route. A quick google search turns up tons of information on the subject. It sounds like lots of hospitals are banning VBACs – they say for medical reasons, but most individuals claim it’s more legal and business reasons. This part of the debate doesn’t affect me much personally, as my hospital still encourages VBACs for women who are interested, but I do find the debate over them rather interesting.

I’ve got time of course to make my decision, but I think that this one is going to take me a while to sort out. Has anyone else out there gone through this VBAC decision process? What did you do to help you decide?

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Counting myself, I personally know six women who have given birth in the past year. I realize that this is a very small sample, and it is in no way random. However, out of the six women who gave birth, only two did it naturally. Everyone else had a c-section. The reasons for c-sections were all different, and only two women went to the same hospital – some were north of me, some south, one in Pittsburgh, PA and one in Nebraska (both the out of state babies were born by c-section).

Although my personal experience can’t be extrapolated to the rest of the world, it seems like 4 c-sections in my small circle of friends is a pretty high anomaly. I’m curious about any other mothers who read this blog, and what their birthing experiences were like – and those of their friends in recent years.

In google searching this topic, I uncovered an interesting blog post from Health Mongers. The statistics they list show that c-sections in the US reached a record high of 29.1% in 2004, though they don’t say what that number increased from. Their theories about the reasons for more c-sections are interesting, though I’m not sure that I agree with them, I guess I’ll have to do more of my own research. It’s an interesting topic though.

baby, babies, infant, infants, parent, parenting, parents, delivery, birth, caesarean, c-section

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I started having contractions on September 19th at 4:30 in the morning. They woke me up, and did indeed feel like I was going to have a very strong bowel movement. I spent the next hour examining this new discomfort, and realizing that I could feel it about every 7 minutes. Around 5:30 I woke Zach up and told him I didn’t think he’d be going to work that day. He and I timed the contractions for another few hours, and I eventually called the hospital to let them know I would likely be in to see them sometime that morning. Around 9:30 am Zach and I went to the hospital. They checked me and said that my cervix had thinned, but I was only about 1 centimeter dilated, so I should go home and make myself comfortable and come back when the contractions were closer together. (On a side note, when we had timed the contractions at home, they were about 3 minutes apart. When we got to the hospital, they had slowed to 6 minutes apart – very strange…) So, I spent the rest of Tuesday hanging out with my sister and having contractions. Zach went to work for a while, and came home around 4:00 pm. About 7:30 pm we went back to the hospital. They checked me again – I was at about 3 cm dilated. They gave me some Ambien to sleep and sent me home. I slept until about 4:00 am on Wednesday, the 20th, and then went back to the hospital – to stay this time.

So, on Wednesday, after laboring for about 24 hours, I was admitted to the hospital. Some time that morning the pain got strong enough for me to ask for an IV drug (Nubane – it came highly recommended from other mothers, and it worked quite well for me). As the labor progressed (slowly), I received more IV drugs, and eventually those wore off, and the contractions were getting worse, so I asked for an epidural. The epidural they gave me also worked wonderfully, and was supposed to last about 2 hours. Just as the 2 hours was running out, my doctor decided that I was not progressing along fast enough, and had been at about the same dilation (8-9 cm) for the past several hours. So, they decided to give me Pictocin to help speed up the contractions, which also makes them more intense. After about an hour of excruciating contractions (since the epidural had worn off and the Pictocin kicked in), I still had not made any progress, so we decided to go ahead with a ceserian section. The doctor was willing to wait another hour or so to see if I progressed at all, but I was too exhausted (we were at hour 35 of the labor by then) and didn’t want to wait any longer.

So, they called together the surgical team, unhooked me from the monitors, and wheeled me downstairs to the operating room. I received my second epidural – this one made me entirely numb from the waist down) and then Zach and I sat behind a curtain while they cut me open and removed the baby – a boy We named him Alexander Grady, and are calling him Xander. Apparently Xander had been facing the wrong way – “sunny side up” and had refused to move into the birth canal, hence the c-section. At 6:39 pm on Wednesday September 20th Xander was born, after approximately 38 hours of labor. It was a very long few days, and an emotional rollercoaster for both Zach and myself, but as every day passes, and the discomfort from the c-section gets less, I am more and more pleased with the results, and I have no doubt that in the next few years Xander will have a sibling.

birth, cesarean, delivery, giving birth, infant, labor, pregnancy

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9 months, delivery, full term, labor, pregnancy, pregnant

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In an attempt to be supportive, my friends, family, and near strangers have tried to encourage me this past week by telling me that I’m almost there, it’s getting close now, time’s almost up, etc.  Whenever anyone says that, I want to respond, “bite me”.  These next few weeks might fly by to them, but they are dragging slower than molasses in winter to me.  I think they forget that I’m waking up 3-4 times a night, and that I have to rotate myself like a rotiserie chicken to get comfortable in bed, that I can’t get in or out of any chair or bed these days without a great deal of effort, that I’m eating Tums as a late-night snack, that I have forgotten what it feels like to take a deep breath, and that even some of my maternity clothes are feeling tight these days and I could go on.  So every day is a long day – I’m tired, and my whole body hurts, and when people say I’m almost there, they think a few weeks is a piece of cake, but to me every day is a long one, and “D day” feels sooooo far away.

Instead of telling me I’m almost there, I wish people would remind me that this isn’t going to last forever, even though it feels like it will.

delivery, extended pregnancy, long pregnancy, maternity, pregnancy

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