Being Sara

Each child has their own specific set of joys and challenges.  I guess that’s what keeps us on our toes.  With Xander, I sometimes worry that he is too sensitive, that he doesn’t stick up for himself and therefore it’s easier for him and his feelings to get trampled on.  I was just getting used to this – to responding to Xander and encouraging him to be assertive where appropriate.

With Parker, it’s the exact opposite.  Case in point: yesterday I arrived at day care to pick up the boys.  I stopped to check in with Parker’s teacher, and while I was there, another little boy’s mother arrived.  Parker was already in his coat and ready to go, but toddling around happily while I talked.  When this mother help up her son’s coat to get him ready, he immediately laid face-down on the ground and began to cry.  She and the teacher began discussing this new behavior of his while a little girl in the class helped the boy up off the floor.  He continued to cry, but was standing.  Parker toddled over with his arms out.  I almost picked him up as he walked by, but he had his arms out like maybe he was going to hug this other little boy, so I let him go.  What did he do you ask? He walked right up to this crying little boy with a big smile on his face and pushed him in the chest.  I was mortified.  I of course swooped Parker away and said “oh Parker, we don’t push, we hug” while demonstrating a hug.  Parker may or may not have understood the lesson (I repeated it a few times) but it’s been sinking in with me for months.  Our boy is rough and tumble through and through.  He loves to push, pull, tug and hit.  It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we remind him to be gentle or how many times we show him how to touch people gently.  His first reaction is to hit.  His behavior means that he is the child who is put into a pack ‘n play or a jump-a-roo to give the other kids in the room a break from him.  Parker really believes that he is just playing, that his actions are all in fun, but of course they aren’t interpreted that way.  We won’t give up, but this new kid with this new behavior is certainly proving to be a challenge for us!

How about the rest of you – do you have a hitter or a biter, and have you found any effective strategies in teaching them other methods of “playing”?

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We have been living inside a spelling bee for several weeks now.  My day starts sometimes as early as 5:30 with a whisper in my ear, “Mama, how do you spell ‘window’?” and if I don’t respond, “Mama, how do you spell ‘couch’?” and it’ll keep going until I start spelling.  In the car on the way to work I hear “Mama, how do you spell ‘tree’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘back hoe’?” or my personal favorite, “Mama, how do you spell ‘Signwithredinit’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘somethingelse’?”   And my favorite response – “Wow, that’s a weird word”

The worst part of the inescapable spelling bee is that I’m pretty sure Xander thinks we’re like seals.  He asks and we perform.  I’m not convinced that there is any sort of retention or learning going on when we spell.  I think this because if you ask Xander to repeat what was just spelled, or even the first letter, he can’t (or won’t – not sure which) do it.  Which then leaves me wondering at 8pm when I’m trying to get the little man to sleep and he’s asking me “Mama, how do you spell ‘bear’?” why do I keep going?  I’m pretty sure it’s negative reinforcement, like when you pick up a phone to make it stop ringing, or pick up a tea kettle to get it to stop whistling.  I wonder when (and how) we’ll get out of this never-ending spelling bee…

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I’m coming out of radio silence this week after juggling two rather sick boys for the week.  It started last Sunday with two very cranky boys.  We went for a drive to get out of the house – Xander of course needed to pee and for the first time ever, we got turned down when we asked to use a restroom.  Where, you ask?  The Campton Cupboard.  They have zero sympathy for pee-pee dancing 3 year-olds, so don’t even try.  Also, if you try to use the restroom in the Dunkin’ Donuts in Campton, be forewarned that it’s easier to pee outside than it is to try to skip in front of rude tourists in line.

Fast forward to several sleepless nights and two days home, first with Xander and then with Parker (who managed to catch another bout of RSV, complete with a 101.6 temperature and back onto nebulizer treatments).  Parker is still waking up between 2:30 and 3:30 every morning for a few hours, and Xander is still crying every morning that he doesn’t feel good and doesn’t want to go to school (please note that by the time we arrive at school he is running to get inside and play with his friends, so we’re not taking those complaints too seriously).

Evenings have been EXHAUSTING.  First, one kid will cry, and then before one of us can calm that one down, the other starts crying so we’ve had an almost constant flow of tears between the hours of 5pm and 8pm for the past 5 days.  Yeah, I’m on my pity wagon – all are welcome!  I’m hopeful that we’ll turn the corner this weekend and start to see more smiling and less crying.

Unfortunately, Xander has rediscovered his love of puzzles recently.  He’s getting quite good at putting them together on his own.  The biggest challenge is that Parker firmly believes that his primary role in our family is to pick up puzzle pieces and put them in boxes.  He couldn’t care less if anyone else might have wanted to use that particular piece.  This of course starts a great deal of arguments and the cycle continues until Parker goes to sleep. Ah, the joys of parenthood…

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One of the bloggers I follow wrote a great post yesterday about her fleeting wishes.  Last year when I had Parker, I also had a tubal ligation.  Zach and I talked about it at great length.  I discussed it with my doctors, and we decided it was the right decision for our family.  I waffled a few times, I tried to convince Zach to get a vasectomy instead of me, but I would already be on the operating table, so it was logical for me to get it done instead of him going in for a separate procedure.

My doctor told me that the biggest side effect of a tubal ligation is regret.  I think that regret is too strong a word for what I feel.  I don’t regret the decision.  I love my children and I love the amount of sleep they usually allow me to get these days.  I worry that I don’t spend enough one-on-one time with them as it is and I can’t imagine adding a third little one into the mix and dividing my time even more.

But, sometimes as I’m drifting off to sleep (my children already slumbering peacefully in their own beds) I have this vision of a much older version of myself fluffing the train on a beautiful white dress worn by the daughter that I will never have.  Then the vision changes to the real older me, the mother of the groom.  I’ll be the one sitting in the front row, beaming at my child and my soon to be child-in-law.  But, that woman on the alter will have her own mother to fluff her gown and tell her she is the most beautiful bride in the history of brides – she won’t need me.  Then my vision shifts to a hospital where that same beautiful bride is now holding a squealing bundle of joy, and looking to her mother for guidance and approval while I stand in the back of the room, patiently waiting my turn and again, not needed.

And then, I see awesome things like this on the internet.  And I want one.  I want to build one and play with my children.  And sure, we could build one, and my kids might even have fun with it.  But, in all honesty, we are far more likely to end up with a tool bench in our house.  And then I look back at the past 3 days worth of KidSteals and I see “Adorable outfits by Twirls and Twigs” (all girls), “Visor Beanie for Coccoletta” (very cute for girls), “Comfy Quilted Dress” and then at Babysteals “Katelyn & Co. Crochet Headband & Jewel Flower Sets” (they were slightly better this week – offering “pee-pee t-pees and slings and diaper bags too).

And I think about stores like Wal-Mart and Target where there are rows and rows of girl clothes and accessories, and if I’m lucky, 3 racks of boy clothes.  I recall my first experience buying Xander big boy underwear and that I actually had to ask a clerk to help me find underwear that wasn’t pink and didn’t have a princess on it – just for the record, while there is an entire aisle dedicated to little girl underwear, there are exactly three different styles in one bin for boys.  Choices are dinosaurs, superheroes or Cars.

And then, I remember mother-daughter relationships.  So many highs, but also so many lows.  Screaming matches, stolen clothes, arguments over boys, and phones, and cars, and makeup.  PMS and weight control issues.  I am going to miss out on a lot of things not having a daughter.  Some of them my heart aches for, but others, I just smile and think “thank God I have boys”…

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This morning and yesterday morning Parker and Xander have ended up on the couch watching a few moments of Little Einsteins.  I assumed that Parker, in his post-sleep stupor was mostly vegging out on the couch with a bottle, which for a few crazy moments in the morning is just fine with me.

This morning though, while I was trying to talk Xander out of his pajamas and into his clothes, Parker raised both hands over his head.  I thought, “hmm, that’s a little random” but when I turned around to see what he was looking at, it wasn’t random at all – he was following the directions.  In every single Little Einsteins episode (I say this with confidence because I have seen every single episode) when they take off in Rocket the have this little take-off routine that they want your help doing, and the routine ends with “blast off” and hands over your head.

I don’t know when I missed that, but apparently Parker is perfectly able and willing to follow directions these days – I guess I’m going to have to start giving some!

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