Being Sara

Smiley Xander

Last week I had a flash back to a blog post I did over a year ago about the first time Xander showed any excitement at seeing me when I pick him up from day care.  I was thinking about this post specifically because these days picking up Xander is one of the highlights of my day.  As soon as he sees me he runs at me.  This usually prompts a reminder from one of the staff members that he needs to walk, not run.  So then he walks as quickly as his little feet will carry him to me, with his arms wide open of course.  I pick him up and he wraps his little arms around my neck and squeezes as tightly as he can and I give him a little squeeze back.  It’s a great way to end my day, with someone so happy to see me.  The picture I chose this week was taken at my parent’s house a few weeks ago, but it’s an excellent representation of the little boy I see every day after work.  Before you have kids it’s easy to wonder why anyone would want to go through all of the effort, and I can tell you moments like these remind you why.

Related items

• Xander Week 89 - He Has A Palate!
• Xander Week 65 - First Words…
• Xander Week 96 - First Big Fall
• Xander Week 93 - The Great Hunger Strike
• Happy Birthday Xander!!

Xander playing with playdough

I think once kids start talking every parent has stories about the cute or silly or sometimes shocking things their kids say.  I can remember laughing until I had tears rolling down my face with some of the things that my nieces and nephew came out with when they were toddlers.  Of course, I would be hard pressed to reacall any of those stories these days.  I suspect that some people find the cute stories about their friends or co-workers kids to be tedious.  On the other hand, that’s pretty much all this blog is, so I’m assuming anyone coming here doesn’t mind hearing about my kid’s cute or funny stories.

A few weeks ago Zach, Xander and I went to visit some friends in the next town over.  As we got in the car, I asked Zach if we should bring some extra juice for Xander.  We were going for dinner and to visit so it would be several hours before we returned.  Zach thought that there would be plenty of juice at the house.  But, Xander would be the only child there, and I worried that the juice available might be cranberry or something else that might not suit Xander’s palate.  Zach responded that Xander wasn’t even 2 - he liked pretty much everything we’ve presented to him so far - he doesn’t have a palate.

Then a little voice piped up from the back seat, “I have a palate!”  Zach and I looked at each other, speechless for a moment before we burst into laughter.  We stand corrected, apparently our son does have a palate…

Related items

• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid
• Xander Week 88 - Where are the manners???
• Xander Week 76 - Ready To Go!
• Xander Week 65 - First Words…
• Xander Week 96 - First Big Fall

I think every kid develops their own set of entertaining and interesting quirks. Xander seems to come up with new ones every few weeks. One of his more recent and rather entertaining quirks is his fascination with trees. Sure, most kids probably find trees interesting at various points of development, that’s not out of the ordinary. Xander’s quirky little personality has decided that it is necessary to pet every tree and say “nice tree”. I’d like to be clear - we live in New Hampshire. We do not live in a city. There are plenty of trees in our back yard, there are trees surrounding our parks. There are trees at day care, and pretty much every spot that Xander inhabits has a backdrop of trees. So trees are not a new phenomena in Xander’s life. However, petting each tree, and telling it that it’s a “nice tree” is new.

I think he discovered this most recent trick when our friend’s daughter (about 9 months younger) was examining a pine tree during a recent visit. Someone said, that’s a nice tree, isn’t it? And suddenly, Xander discovered the joys of petting bark.

This becomes particularly entertaining when there is a row of trees, say in a parking lot, and Xander must pet each and every one. Of course, the entertainment value wears off quickly when suddenly you’re running late and arguing with a 2 year old why you simply don’t have time to pet each tree three times today, but maybe tomorrow we can come back and pet them again… Somehow that “tomorrow” reasoning just isn’t good enough yet

Anyway, this is one of those quirks that I expect he’ll outgrow relatively quickly, and someday I may want to look back here and be able to tease him about his desire to pet trees.

Related items

• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid
• Xander Week 89 - He Has A Palate!
• Xander Week 86 - The “Y-Me?” Generation - an interesting theory…
• Xander Week 79 - Mon Key!
• Xander Week 76 - Ready To Go!

I stumbled across an interesting blog post a few days ago, and it’s been on my mind ever since. So, first, please check out the post here, and then you’ll be able to follow along with my thoughts (don’t worry - it’ll open in a new window).

So, to sum up what Jesse was saying, essentially, we are being too soft on our kids, and teaching them to blame others for their problems. Some of the points that Jesse makes are good ones. I always felt that the movement to use purple pens for correction instead of red was insane. I don’t think it helps kids to make them feel less stressed about red pen markings. Same goes for everyone getting a trophy in little league, or no one having to sit down during a spelling bee.

However, I think that it’s easy to go too far with this as well. I think there must be a happy medium. Jesse talks about raising their 4 month old daughter. He makes reference to her almost being able to roll over, and someday trying to walk. These are things that I can easily relate to. I thought back to our experiences with Xander rolling over. It took him a long time to get this figured out. We could have left him screaming on his stomach for longer I’m sure. On the other hand, when he was flipping out, he wasn’t being productive. It wasn’t like he was trying to move himself, he was just crying, red-faced and miserable, so we didn’t leave him like that for lengthy periods of time. The same when Xander learned to walk. We held his hand when he asked, and let him attempt on his own when he didn’t.

Now, Xander is very clear with us when he wants to do things on his own. Two examples that come to mind immediately are the stairs, and food. Xander rarely wants help going up or down the stairs these days. We still play spotter when he’s walking down, but we let him go on his own for the most part. Xander also will refuse to eat if he can’t hold his own utensil. He doesn’t want to be spoon fed, and he doesn’t want help getting his food from the plate to his mouth. Regardless of how much he spills, he wants to do it on his own, and we let him as much as possible.

According to Jesse’s theory, Zach and I are raising a member of the “Y-Me?” generation. We help him when he asks for it, and sometimes when he doesn’t. On the other hand, we have an extremely self confident child. He adapts easily to change, isn’t afraid to try things on his own, and is confident that if he goes running around on the playground, Mom or Dad will be around somewhere to catch him if he slips.

We haven’t reached an age where we can start teaching things like fiscal responsibility, or familial responsibility in terms of chores, etc. Before I was a parent, I probably would have had some strong opinions about what we would and wouldn’t do in terms of these decisions. Now, I’m taking a “wait and see” attitude. I can’t tell you that we will definitely require Xander to do chores around the house or that we’ll give him an allowance or not. I just don’t know right now. I do know that when we need to make the decisions, we’ll make them based on what is best for Xander - what will help him to learn and develop in a manner that we are comfortable with.

I don’t think that anyone wants a child to grow up blaming the rest of the world for his or her difficulties, but I also don’t think that raising a 2 year old to understand that life is hard and you’re just going to have to get used to it is the only way to get there. I read through some of the comments on Jesse’s site, and everyone seemed to think that his ideas were right on the money, and this was definitely the way to go. It makes me wonder how many of those commenters actually have kids… Anyway, it was an interesting article and definitely thought provoking.

Related items

• Xander Week 64 - My baby has morphed into a little boy!
• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid
• Xander Week 89 - He Has A Palate!
• Xander Week 85 - Time to bragg…
• Xander Week 80 - How Old Are You?

I ran out of time to write a blog post about Xander last week, and I felt bad about it. Luckily, I have lots of great stories from our mini-vacation, so I’ll make up for it with a few posts this week For several years Zach and I have been spending July 4th weekend at my family’s cottage on a small pond. We visit with friends and family while we are there, and just generally relax. This year we got 5 days there - Friday through Thursday. Xander was old enough to appreciate the outdoors and the water this year, and we spent most of our time chasing him around, but we had lots of fun.

One of the days Zach’s family came by to visit. His brother’s kids always have a great time playing in the water, and Xander just loves them. We had lots of fun with all of them. Zach’s mother often brings treats for the kids (she does a great job in that “grandmother” role). This time it was tiny tubs of snacks - Oreos for one kid, Vienna Fingers for another, etc. She got Xander Teddy Grahams. Xander didn’t end up eating them that day. However, a few days later he discovered them just before dinner. He of course asked Zach “Dada, have more?” Zach told him he could have as many as he wanted if he ate enough for dinner. So once we had finished up dinner (Xander actually ate pretty well), Xander pulled down the Teddy Grahams and asked for some. While I cleaned the kitchen, Xander snacked on 6 or 7 Teddy Grahams. We didn’t think much of it - continued with our bedtime routine, reading books, settling down, etc. About 7:45, the Teddy Grahams kicked in. Xander dragged us to bed and made us lay down. I thought “ok, if this is how we get him to sleep tonight, that’s fine.” Boy, was I mistaken! Xander spent the next half hour running - not walking, not pausing, running around the cabin. His route was generally to jump on the bed with us, roll around for a few seconds, roll down, run into the living room, grab something (my water bottle, a book, a pamphlet on a life jacket, pretty much anything he could find) then run back to the bedroom to give it to us, jump on the bed for a second, and start over again.

This may not seem like unusual behavior, but let me stress that Xander COULD NOT sit still, not even for a second. When I say he was running, he was running, not walking everywhere. Since dinner was macaroni and cheese with a side of tomato and cucumber, and the only other thing he ate was Teddy Grahams, we’re blaming the Teddy Grahams. Xander has had sugar before - he doesn’t really like much sweet stuff, but he enjoys an occasional chocolate or sweetie candy. We’d never seen this type of reaction out of him before. It baffled us, and we decided that we will wait a loooong time before giving him Teddy Grahams again. However, since Zach’s mother bought the Teddy Grahams, and Xander is staying with her for a few days while day care is closed (annual vacation week for them), we made sure to send the Teddy Grahams to her house - hopefully she doesn’t give him too many

Related items

• Xander Week 89 - He Has A Palate!
• Xander Week 76 - Ready To Go!
• Xander Week 65 - First Words…
• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid
• Xander Week 86 - The “Y-Me?” Generation - an interesting theory…