1 year old Parker

Last year on December 30th Zach and I got up before the sun (4am). I enjoyed my last shower for a few days, and then we grabbed our bag and drove about 3 blocks down the street to the hospital. When we arrived at the labor & delivery desk at 5am, they whisked me into a room and directly in to a johnny and then to bed where they stuck me with a few IV’s. We hung out and watched Parker’s movement on the fetal monitor for a while, and went through a few stacks of paperwork. Zach changed into some lovely maroon scrubs and at some point, I got my epidural. By 7:30am I was wheeled down to the operating room. I remember shivering a lot – first from the epidural, and then the cool temperature in the OR compounded the shaking. The very kind anesthesiologist tucked a warmed blanket around my head and shoulders while the rest of the operating team worked below my waist. I can remember a few tugs and pulls, and then wondering if they were going to make the incision soon, which is right when I first heard your little squeaky cry.

A few hours later, Zach and I were settled back in our room with the newest addition to our family, Parker Austin. Luckily, this time around, one of us knew how to breastfeed, so that process went a little more smoothly. Right from the start, you were Squeaky – you were the noisiest eater we had seen, and we chuckled over your little noises. You had lots of visitors that first day, and slept through nearly all of it. Your brother was so excited to meet you, and immediately insisted that we unswaddle you so that he could see your toes (I know, he’s got some strange ideas at times).

Eventually the visitors dwindled, and the three of us slept and relaxed for the rest of the day. The next few days in the hospital were pretty quiet and relaxed. You slept a lot, and I tried to sleep whenever possible. We tried to learn as much about your new personality as possible. We let you stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, but I told you that would be the last time in a long time that we’d allow it I finally let your Dad eat Thai food (during our pregnancy, I wouldn’t let anyone even have it in the same room with me – even the sight of the restaurant was enough to make me feel nauseous).

You have been a joy and delight every day since you were conceived. At the same time, you have challenged us in ways we could not have anticipated every day. You can be the best, happiest baby, and you have the most adorable smile that has only gotten cuter with the six teeth you have sprouted. On the other hand, you have very strong opinions, and are not shy about letting us know when you are irritated. Mostly, you get mad when we try to change your diaper (which sometimes takes two people – one to pin you down, and one to clean you up) or try to get you dressed – the cold winter has provided plenty of challenges for all of us – you can take mittens off almost as fast as we can put them on, and many days we skip them (assuming the weather isn’t too cold).

You are a wonderful sleeper.  If you had been our first child, we might have considered having a whole litter.  The first 6-8 months were rough, but now you’re amazing and we very much appreciate that (especially because your brother is still a rotten sleeper).  You are also an excellent eater (not at all picky) which is refreshing.  I’m sure you’ll develop your own picky tastes as you toddle into childhood, but for now we are enjoying the fact that you’ll eat pretty much all of whatever we put on your tray.

You learned to roll over at about 5 months.  By 7 months you were scooting and then crawling.  At 10 months you could stand for the briefest of seconds on your own, and started to cruise on furniture.  You took your first steps in the middle of your 11th month, but you still prefer to crawl  (oh man, you are the fastest crawler – it’s tough to keep up with you sometimes!)

You are a rough and tumble little boy.  You love to tackle your brother, or anyone else who might be sitting or lying on the floor.  You learned to crawl up the stairs at 9 months, but we are still too terrified to let you do it on your own, and your climbing back down skills are still a bit weak.  In some ways, you can be just like your brother.  In others, you are his antithesis, you are chaos where he is order.  He has loved you from the beginning though, and the two of you are clearly friends.  Xander does not like to go places without you, and even when offered a treat, he refuses if you can’t come.  He always remembers to ask if you can have some of whatever he has, and he loves it when the two of you “match” – especially clothing (which personally, isn’t my thing, but I do indulge your brother from time to time).  It is easy to see that you two will be the best of friends for years to come.

If I could only use one word to describe your first year, it would be bouncy.  We’ve had lots of ups and downs with you (your weight, your sleeping pattern, your moods, etc.) and the one movement you have loved ever since you could hold your head steady is bouncing – if we could just hold you under your arms, you would jump and bounce happily for hours at a time (unfortunately, we have yet to meet anyone with the arm strength to keep up with that desire).

You are my youngest and last son.  I love you more than words can describe.  You are smart, strong willed and have brief but wonderful moments of tenderness.  One of my favorite memories from 2009 will always be rocking quietly with you in front of the fire as you fall asleep and watching the snow slowly fall out the window.  It was as close to perfection as I have gotten in a long time.  I hope your first year was as wonderful for you as it was for us, and I know that this coming year will be just as amazing.  Happy Birthday Peanut!

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Parker is growing so fast.  He is already asserting his personality, and he is quite capable of telling us the things that he likes and the things that he doesn’t.  At six months, Parker likes the following: Bouncing or jumping, waking up  in the morning (always with smiles), cloth or soft toys to chew on, being tickled, bananas, apples, pears, peaches, carrots, squash and sweet potatoes, biter biscuits, his brother, his father, his mother, Mac screensavers, his hands and feet, rolling over, and standing or sitting in the grass.

Parker does not like the following: Being ignored, being alone, green beans, peas, loud noises, falling asleep, teething and getting buckled into his car seat.

Every new milestone is bittersweet for me.  I’m so excited to see what Parker will do next, and I can’t wait to meet the little boy he is turning into.  On the other hand, every day he grows farther and farther away from that curled up little burrito that I fell in love with six months ago.  I know that I’m not going to have any more children, so that was my last chance to enjoy all those infant moments.  As happy as I am to know that there will be a day that my whole family will sleep through the night, and that someday we will be done changing diapers, a part of me will always miss those moments with the baby versions of my children.

So, happy six-month birthday little man – you make me happy every day and continually surprise me with your antics.  And even though you are growing faster than I am ready for, know that you will always be my baby.

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We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well in the past 4 months. Parker continues to enjoy his changing table, but he doesn’t fall asleep on it anymore. He likes to kick his legs, and enjoys making the kick ‘n play light up. He likes his Jumperoo, but only for about 10 minutes at a time. Parker LOVES to chew on his hands, and will sometimes choose hands over his pacifier or even a bottle. Parker also likes to grab and hold onto fabric, and sometimes put that in his mouth as well. Currently, his favorite toy is the blue doggie head rattle with a satin blanket body (courtesy of Matt & Abby - thank you!!) and mostly he loves to chew and drool on it.

Our boy who got so good at sleeping through the night (10pm-6am like clockwork!) has now phased into an infant who wakes up to eat at 2:30, 4:30 and 5:30. I’m hoping that this is just a growth spurt, and he’ll revert back to his good sleeping habits soon – I could certainly use the rest!!

Xander continues to be a wonderful big brother – he “watches” Parker for us, tells us when Parker needs his pacifier or a toy, and kisses him goodnight every night. In our bedtime routine, I always ask Xander what he’s going to dream about, and he always tells me, Parker (it’s very cute).

So, the first 4 months have been pretty great. Parker is becoming more interested in the world around him, and more interactive every day. We’re so lucky to have two such wonderful sons!

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For the past few years, when I need to contact health insurance, it’s usually to do with pregnancies. We all have nightmare stories about getting lost in automated telephone responses, or waiting on hold for hours before giving up.  My experiences with Harvard Pilgrim have been entirely different.  First, I learned that there is no co-pay for regularly scheduled pre-natal visits.  Let me repeat that – no co-pay.  So every time I went to pee in a cup and get weighed and measured, it was free!  They also assigned me a nurse consultant, so if I had any questions having to do with pregnancy or baby I could call and ask.  I think this would have been more useful if I was a first time mom, but it was nice to know that I had another source of information and assistance if I wasn’t getting what I needed from my doctor’s office.

I’ve found that when I call the number listed on the back of my insurance card, I don’t wait on hold for a long time.  I speak with a human who responds in clear, understandable language.  Since I work in the customer service field, I have some rather strong opinions on what good customer service should be like.  The representatives at Harvard Pilgrim have always been pleasant, easy to understand, they answer my questions effectively, and they always ask if there is anything else they can help me with.

After Parker was born, we received a few bills for his birth.  This is not unusual for that temporary period between the time when the baby comes out, and when the baby gets an insurance card.  When the first bill arrived, I called the number given to me in the hospital, which directed me to the hospital’s customer service department where I was supposed to give them Parker’s insurance number.  I spent 15 minutes on hold.  I’m not exaggerating – I timed it, 15 minutes.  When I finally got to the customer service rep and explained my story, she suggested I contact my insurance company.  In my head I was thinking “I just sat on the hold, jiggling a fussy baby for 15 minutes for what?!?”

After that entirely frustrating conversation, I called Harvard Pilgrim.  Hold time was less than 3 minutes.  I spoke with a friendly lady who informed me that the bill was scheduled to be paid in full, and the check was due to be mailed out at the end of the week.  The conversation lasted less than 3 minutes, and I got all of the information I needed.  I assumed that the whole matter had been address, and I was satisfied that my insurance company was on top of the bill.

Flash forward a month, and we get a second bill from the hospital.  Since the check was on it’s way last time, I had (apprently incorrectly) assumed that the matter had been taken care of.  This one was a little more confusing, as pieces of the bill had been paid, but not the whole thing.  They were still charging us $871 for the pediatrician’s attendance at the birth (that was the biggest chunk of the itemized bill).  This time, I opted to call the insurance company first.  Again, after a short wait, I spoke with a friendly rep, who looked up my account and told me again that the bill had been paid in full, and that the check had been sent out.  She then told me that after we hung up, she would call the hospital and give them the check number, so that the could process everything correctly.  I have never had a customer service rep offer to go that extra step.  I would have expected her to give me the check number so that I could call the hospital.  Instead, she volunteered to do the extra leg work.  It was impressive, and thus, blog-worthy.  I’m not sure how we managed to get so lucky with this particular health insurance company, but I sincerely hope that our employers don’t change insurance companies on us anytime soon!

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When Xander was born, we had a wonderful experience with the hospital staff.  Our hospital is a relatively small regional one – only 4 post-delivery rooms, but that wing was entirely rebuilt (finished about 2 months before Xander was born) so everything is new and pretty high tech for our rural setting.  Aside from one nurse who was a little obsessive about rules on the maternity ward, they were all awesome.  The nurses were incredibly attentive.  One nurse who usually works in the ER spent the day with me while I was in labor (filling in a shift) and actually came up to check on me the next time she was working.  One of our doctors actually came in (with one of his kids) on his day off to check on me.  Overall, it was a great experience.  They were great with Xander – showed us everything a new parent might need to know, and they were always patient with us, never talked down to us, and truly seemed interested in our well-being.  It was such a great experience that a week or so later when I was feeling up to a walk, we bought them a gift basket of cookies and brought it to the hospital (I should mention that our house is less than a mile away from the hospital).

I think one of the factors in this positive experience was that we were the only ones in the maternity ward for 3 of the 4 days we were there.  The undivided attention was quite nice!  This time, if we’re lucky it’ll just be full and not over-full.

So now I’m nervous.  Not that I think the care will be any less amazing, but I don’t think that we’ll get the undivided attention that we got last time.  When they have the time, the nurses will keep the sleeping baby in the nursery, allowing mothers to get some much needed rest as well.  Again, this is only as time allows, so I suspect that this bonus feature will be offered far less during our upcoming stay.

I’m sure everything will work out just fine in the end – the baby will arrive, the doctors and nurses will give us great support, and we’ll go home a happy and slightly larger family.  But, that doesn’t stop me from wondering about what to expect when we arrive

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Right now, I just can’t decide. There are pros and cons to both sides. With a successful VBAC, there are less lung complications for the baby. However, if I attempt a VBAC and then end up with another emergency c-section, there are higher risks to the baby. There is also a small chance that if I attempt a natural birth, my uterus may tear at the sight of the incision of the first c-section. This would of course be bad news for both me and the baby. If I decide to have a scheduled c-section, there is more danger that the baby’s lungs might not be fully developed, but there is less stress than in a regular delivery. Since there is no way to predict how this birth will go, it’s even more difficult to decide what would be best.

Then of course, there are the practical considerations – a regular birth means a shorter recovery time, but an unpredictable delivery, and no guarantee that I might not need a c-section again eventually. A scheduled c-section fits much better with my type A personality and need to schedule and plan things. But, it also means a longer recovery time, and I wouldn’t be able to lift Xander for at least 2 weeks. I know some women feel robbed of a natural delivery if they end up having a c-section, but I never felt that way. I didn’t ever feel like I was less of a woman, or that my delivery was somehow less valid than any other delivery, so this time around I don’t feel like I need to try a natural delivery because I missed out on something the first time around. At least this isn’t something that I need to factor into my decision.

My doctors have been wonderful – I wondered if they would encourage one option over another, but they didn’t – not even a little bit. At my last visit we talked about some of the benefits of each option. He said that in his experience, women who went through a second c-section generally found the recovery time to be easier the second time around, which was a relief to hear. We talked a little bit about my specific delivery experience, and decided that we’d look at the records more later, and talk more as the time got closer. He also said that if I decided to try a regular birth, it would be like last time where I waited forever before they decided on a c-section. This time around, I could change my mind at any point. If I felt like things were going as slowly as they were before, then I could say that I didn’t want to wait anymore and I would prefer to go straight to c-section. All of this information made me feel a lot better about either decision I make, but I’m still having a heck of a time trying to decide.

There are tons of websites out there with individual stories about women who had VBACs, even vbac.com – which is of course entirely in favor of going the natural delivery route. A quick google search turns up tons of information on the subject. It sounds like lots of hospitals are banning VBACs – they say for medical reasons, but most individuals claim it’s more legal and business reasons. This part of the debate doesn’t affect me much personally, as my hospital still encourages VBACs for women who are interested, but I do find the debate over them rather interesting.

I’ve got time of course to make my decision, but I think that this one is going to take me a while to sort out. Has anyone else out there gone through this VBAC decision process? What did you do to help you decide?

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Counting myself, I personally know six women who have given birth in the past year. I realize that this is a very small sample, and it is in no way random. However, out of the six women who gave birth, only two did it naturally. Everyone else had a c-section. The reasons for c-sections were all different, and only two women went to the same hospital – some were north of me, some south, one in Pittsburgh, PA and one in Nebraska (both the out of state babies were born by c-section).

Although my personal experience can’t be extrapolated to the rest of the world, it seems like 4 c-sections in my small circle of friends is a pretty high anomaly. I’m curious about any other mothers who read this blog, and what their birthing experiences were like – and those of their friends in recent years.

In google searching this topic, I uncovered an interesting blog post from Health Mongers. The statistics they list show that c-sections in the US reached a record high of 29.1% in 2004, though they don’t say what that number increased from. Their theories about the reasons for more c-sections are interesting, though I’m not sure that I agree with them, I guess I’ll have to do more of my own research. It’s an interesting topic though.

baby, babies, infant, infants, parent, parenting, parents, delivery, birth, caesarean, c-section

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