Being Sara » baby development

He Never Looked Back

Sara — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 01:18:12 +0000

He never looked back

Today was Xander’s first day of kindergarten. We were prepared. We’d been to the open house, we’d toured and visited the school and had endless conversations with Xander about what to expect. We had plans for before and after school. Supplies were purchased, clothes were ironed, backpacks were packed, forms were completed. Last night near midnight though, I couldn’t stop the tears. My baby was going to get on a bus, go to a school where I do not know every child and every adult. He was going to spend his day with these people who barely knew him, and couldn’t possibly be prepared for his shyness. And I was sure his shyness would prevent him from making friends, or from letting his teacher see how smart he truly is.

But, as I should have learned by now, my kids continue to surprise me. Adding to my regular dose of motherhood guilt, I could not drop off or pick up Xander on his first day. Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene threw off all of our plans, so PSU student move-in day landed on the same day as kindergarten started.

So, we jumped right into the regular routine. Zach took the boys to the bus stop, and waited with Xander. Parker was seriously unimpressed that Xander not only got to ride the school bus and he did not, but also that Xander was not walking into ‘school’ with him anymore. After bouncing around with his backpack, lunch box and friend, the bus arrived and they both walked right on – never looking back.

It was worse than pulling teeth, but after much begging, I finally got some details out of the close-lipped kid tonight. Riding the bus is his favorite part. Pretty much everything else pales in comparison to that. But, if he had to pick something he enjoyed most at school, that would be recess. And, if he had to pick something in his classroom that he liked the most, that would be the science station. He really wanted to play with the dinosaurs, but at free play only two kids are allowed at each station, and there were already two kids at the dinosaur station.

There were no tears and no complaints. He met all of his friends (his whole class) though he doesn’t yet remember anyone’s name. He has three other students who sit at his table (where his assigned seat is) but one girl is in the half day program, so she leaves early. One boy at his table got in trouble today for yelling at another kid (but not him) and had to sit at his table for two minutes. Rest time is nice, and Xander thinks I should ask my boss for a rest time at work. I’m sure that will go over well.

So, Xander is clearly more ready for kindergarten than I am. He went through the first day like it was nothing. I’m not sure I’m ready for day two, but he can’t wait to go back (and ride the bus again of course). Obviously not every day can be wonderful, but I am so incredibly relieve that the first day was.

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I’m Hungry

Sara — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 10:46:25 +0000

So, I was prepared for the invasion of locusts disguised as my children when they become teenagers. I know that my cupboards will be bare and I’ll spend hundreds of dollars in food each week only to see it devoured in days. I was not however prepared for this to happen when they are 2 and 4. The most common refrain I hear in my house these days is ‘I’m hungry’. I hear it every afternoon without fail when I pick the boys up from day care. I give them a snack when we get home, and then they have dinner, and often another snack after dinner.

Last night was a perfect example. We got home, the boys ate applesauce. I gave them a bath and then made dinner. While making dinner they ate cheese sticks and two helpings of yogurt. They ate sandwiches for dinner (I didn’t have the energy to convince them that homemade pesto really is yummy) followed up by a popsicle and more cheese sticks. They ate constantly from about 5:30-7:30. And since I hadn’t really planned that much snacking into the weekly shopping list, it sort of depleted their breakfast options for the next few days.

Please tell me this is just a growth spurt and eventually we’ll get back to normal. I’m not sure my wallet can handle this level of eating for the next 16 years. I’m certainly not filling them up with junk food, and we always have plenty of leftovers for them to have seconds or even thirds of dinner and sometimes they do. Apparently the locusts are making an early stop at my house…

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Another Beginning…

Sara — Thu, 05 May 2011 15:18:04 +0000

Xander had his ‘Kindergarten Connection’ (screening) meeting yesterday. After touring schools and weighing our options, we finally picked what we hope will be the best one for both boys. The connection meeting went pretty well – they certainly have it organized and down to a science.

We walked into the cafeteria and went to the registration table. Xander got a name tag and we got a giant terracotta pot. There were 4 ‘stations’ set up, and we were directed to the 1st station where Xander played with one of the kindergarten teachers (they are big on magnetic letters) on a baking tray (cool trick since it’s magnetic) while we chatted with the principal. They got to test Xander’s letter recognition and organization and we got some handouts (which we could carry around in our handy pot). Xander got to pick out a seed packet (to plant in the terracotta pot) and we moved onto the next station. At each station they evaluated things like gross and fine motor skills, following directions, etc. and we met with people like the school nurse, the OT specialist, reading specialist and teachers. As Xander finished whatever task was in front of him, he was given some sort of reward (a beach ball from the health table, gardening gloves from the OT table, a drawing/counting game from the academics table, etc.)

When we left and I asked Xander how he liked it, he said ‘it was ok… but they didn’t have any dinosaurs for me to play with’ On the other hand, this morning he asked me where he was going to school today, and when I told him, his current school he made a face at me. I asked him what the problem was – he loves his school and he informed me yes, but he wanted to go to kindergarten! So, I guess any qualms I had over him being ready (the OT lady’s first comment when she met us was ‘wow, a little guy – he just barely meets the cut off!’) are moderately relieved since he’s pretty confident that he’s ready

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We Have A Biter…

Sara — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:34:08 +0000

Parker has always been our rough and tumble kid. He loves to wrestle. He loves to be tossed about. He loves anything that involves physical play. In our house, most of the time, this is ok. We separate the boys when Parker gets too physical. I put him down when he tries to hit me. We constantly remind him to be gentle, and show him gentle touches. But the kid just loves rough play. Last week at day care he chased another child. He pushed the child down (the kid’s head bumped a table) and then Parker when in for a bite. The teacher pulled Parker off of the other kid and reprimanded him. He, in his typical Parker fashion, melted and collapsed on the floor in tears. After the reprimand came the comforting and eventually they went back to playing normally.

After this, I asked the teacher what I should do. Her response was vague – he didn’t actually bite, so they didn’t have a “no biting” discussion. He’s not even 18 months yet, so lengthy discussions don’t work. I let her know I was open to any suggestions, that we were trying everything we could think of and would try anything anyone else could think of.

I asked my mother-in-law and sister-in-law what they thought. They have over 50 years of parenting experience combined, so I thought between all of the kids and grandkids maybe they would have come across this sort of situation before. My mother-in-law talked about a friend of the family who used to bite her older brother when she was little. Eventually the mother encouraged the boy to bite her back. He did, and the biting stopped. I thought that biting back wasn’t an approved solution, but I could be wrong. This wasn’t exactly biting back either, since it was the brother who bit, not a parent…

I asked our pediatrician. He said this behavior is normal, and that we should just keep doing what we’re doing.

Then last night Parker bit me. Hard. Hard enough to draw blood. We were playing on the floor after dinner. He was getting pretty rough, so I wrapped him in my arms and told him that hands were for hugs, not hitting. While I hugged him, he bit me. After I had pulled him off, and recovered from the surprise, I tried to explain to Parker that he hurt Mommy. That we don’t bite, etc. but he was too riled up to listen to any words coming out of my mouth.

So, anyone who happens to stumble across this blog: How do you teach a 15-month-old not to bite? Furthermore, how do you teach this particular 15-month-old boy to please, please be a little more gentle?

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And the love of books begins again

Sara — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:53:40 +0000

Parker's current favorite: Cornelius P. Mud, Are You Ready For Bed?

Parker is in love with books. He show little interest in other toys at the moment and instead prefers to carry around a book – mostly any book will do. If he happens to see you wander by while he’s carrying a book, he beelines to you and holds up the book with this pleading look in his eye and only someone with superhuman strength can say “no, I can’t ready you that book right now” which means that we have been reading lots and lots of board books in our house lately. It’s adorably cute. We were thrilled when Xander reached this phase – for a long time the only “toys” we had in our living room was just a bookcase overflowing with all of his favorites. It’s great to get back here and have lots of cuddling and reading time with the little guy

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Similar, but oh so different

Sara — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:42:26 +0000

When Xander was this age:

He discovered the joys of wandering around while snacking. In Xander’s opinion, he always needed to have two of whatever he was eating – one in each hand. It was pretty cute to watch him toddling all over the house with a cheerio in each hand, and if he ate one, he’d come back for another – never satisfied being out of balance with just one hand filled.

Now this kid comes along:

He toddles around the house in a very similar manner as his brother. However, he’s taken this snacking while toddling thing one step further. Not only does he need a snack in each hand, but one in his mouth as well (don’t worry – we keep everything smaller than bit-sized to minimize choking risk). That’s my second son – he never does anything part way. I think “go big or go home” will someday be his motto…

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My Kid, the bully…

Sara — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:46:46 +0000

Each child has their own specific set of joys and challenges. I guess that’s what keeps us on our toes. With Xander, I sometimes worry that he is too sensitive, that he doesn’t stick up for himself and therefore it’s easier for him and his feelings to get trampled on. I was just getting used to this – to responding to Xander and encouraging him to be assertive where appropriate.

With Parker, it’s the exact opposite. Case in point: yesterday I arrived at day care to pick up the boys. I stopped to check in with Parker’s teacher, and while I was there, another little boy’s mother arrived. Parker was already in his coat and ready to go, but toddling around happily while I talked. When this mother help up her son’s coat to get him ready, he immediately laid face-down on the ground and began to cry. She and the teacher began discussing this new behavior of his while a little girl in the class helped the boy up off the floor. He continued to cry, but was standing. Parker toddled over with his arms out. I almost picked him up as he walked by, but he had his arms out like maybe he was going to hug this other little boy, so I let him go. What did he do you ask? He walked right up to this crying little boy with a big smile on his face and pushed him in the chest. I was mortified. I of course swooped Parker away and said “oh Parker, we don’t push, we hug” while demonstrating a hug. Parker may or may not have understood the lesson (I repeated it a few times) but it’s been sinking in with me for months. Our boy is rough and tumble through and through. He loves to push, pull, tug and hit. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we remind him to be gentle or how many times we show him how to touch people gently. His first reaction is to hit. His behavior means that he is the child who is put into a pack ‘n play or a jump-a-roo to give the other kids in the room a break from him. Parker really believes that he is just playing, that his actions are all in fun, but of course they aren’t interpreted that way. We won’t give up, but this new kid with this new behavior is certainly proving to be a challenge for us!

How about the rest of you – do you have a hitter or a biter, and have you found any effective strategies in teaching them other methods of “playing”?

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How Do You Spell….?

Sara — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:09:05 +0000

We have been living inside a spelling bee for several weeks now. My day starts sometimes as early as 5:30 with a whisper in my ear, “Mama, how do you spell ‘window’?” and if I don’t respond, “Mama, how do you spell ‘couch’?” and it’ll keep going until I start spelling. In the car on the way to work I hear “Mama, how do you spell ‘tree’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘back hoe’?” or my personal favorite, “Mama, how do you spell ‘Signwithredinit’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘somethingelse’?” And my favorite response – “Wow, that’s a weird word”

The worst part of the inescapable spelling bee is that I’m pretty sure Xander thinks we’re like seals. He asks and we perform. I’m not convinced that there is any sort of retention or learning going on when we spell. I think this because if you ask Xander to repeat what was just spelled, or even the first letter, he can’t (or won’t – not sure which) do it. Which then leaves me wondering at 8pm when I’m trying to get the little man to sleep and he’s asking me “Mama, how do you spell ‘bear’?” why do I keep going? I’m pretty sure it’s negative reinforcement, like when you pick up a phone to make it stop ringing, or pick up a tea kettle to get it to stop whistling. I wonder when (and how) we’ll get out of this never-ending spelling bee…

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What’s worse than a sick kid? Two sick kids…

Sara — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:06:53 +0000

I’m coming out of radio silence this week after juggling two rather sick boys for the week. It started last Sunday with two very cranky boys. We went for a drive to get out of the house – Xander of course needed to pee and for the first time ever, we got turned down when we asked to use a restroom. Where, you ask? The Campton Cupboard. They have zero sympathy for pee-pee dancing 3 year-olds, so don’t even try. Also, if you try to use the restroom in the Dunkin’ Donuts in Campton, be forewarned that it’s easier to pee outside than it is to try to skip in front of rude tourists in line.

Fast forward to several sleepless nights and two days home, first with Xander and then with Parker (who managed to catch another bout of RSV, complete with a 101.6 temperature and back onto nebulizer treatments). Parker is still waking up between 2:30 and 3:30 every morning for a few hours, and Xander is still crying every morning that he doesn’t feel good and doesn’t want to go to school (please note that by the time we arrive at school he is running to get inside and play with his friends, so we’re not taking those complaints too seriously).

Evenings have been EXHAUSTING. First, one kid will cry, and then before one of us can calm that one down, the other starts crying so we’ve had an almost constant flow of tears between the hours of 5pm and 8pm for the past 5 days. Yeah, I’m on my pity wagon – all are welcome! I’m hopeful that we’ll turn the corner this weekend and start to see more smiling and less crying.

Unfortunately, Xander has rediscovered his love of puzzles recently. He’s getting quite good at putting them together on his own. The biggest challenge is that Parker firmly believes that his primary role in our family is to pick up puzzle pieces and put them in boxes. He couldn’t care less if anyone else might have wanted to use that particular piece. This of course starts a great deal of arguments and the cycle continues until Parker goes to sleep. Ah, the joys of parenthood…

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Regrets?

Sara — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:37:13 +0000

One of the bloggers I follow wrote a great post yesterday about her fleeting wishes. Last year when I had Parker, I also had a tubal ligation. Zach and I talked about it at great length. I discussed it with my doctors, and we decided it was the right decision for our family. I waffled a few times, I tried to convince Zach to get a vasectomy instead of me, but I would already be on the operating table, so it was logical for me to get it done instead of him going in for a separate procedure.

My doctor told me that the biggest side effect of a tubal ligation is regret. I think that regret is too strong a word for what I feel. I don’t regret the decision. I love my children and I love the amount of sleep they usually allow me to get these days. I worry that I don’t spend enough one-on-one time with them as it is and I can’t imagine adding a third little one into the mix and dividing my time even more.

But, sometimes as I’m drifting off to sleep (my children already slumbering peacefully in their own beds) I have this vision of a much older version of myself fluffing the train on a beautiful white dress worn by the daughter that I will never have. Then the vision changes to the real older me, the mother of the groom. I’ll be the one sitting in the front row, beaming at my child and my soon to be child-in-law. But, that woman on the alter will have her own mother to fluff her gown and tell her she is the most beautiful bride in the history of brides – she won’t need me. Then my vision shifts to a hospital where that same beautiful bride is now holding a squealing bundle of joy, and looking to her mother for guidance and approval while I stand in the back of the room, patiently waiting my turn and again, not needed.

And then, I see awesome things like this on the internet. And I want one. I want to build one and play with my children. And sure, we could build one, and my kids might even have fun with it. But, in all honesty, we are far more likely to end up with a tool bench in our house. And then I look back at the past 3 days worth of KidSteals and I see “Adorable outfits by Twirls and Twigs” (all girls), “Visor Beanie for Coccoletta” (very cute for girls), “Comfy Quilted Dress” and then at Babysteals “Katelyn & Co. Crochet Headband & Jewel Flower Sets” (they were slightly better this week – offering “pee-pee t-pees and slings and diaper bags too).

And I think about stores like Wal-Mart and Target where there are rows and rows of girl clothes and accessories, and if I’m lucky, 3 racks of boy clothes. I recall my first experience buying Xander big boy underwear and that I actually had to ask a clerk to help me find underwear that wasn’t pink and didn’t have a princess on it – just for the record, while there is an entire aisle dedicated to little girl underwear, there are exactly three different styles in one bin for boys. Choices are dinosaurs, superheroes or Cars.

And then, I remember mother-daughter relationships. So many highs, but also so many lows. Screaming matches, stolen clothes, arguments over boys, and phones, and cars, and makeup. PMS and weight control issues. I am going to miss out on a lot of things not having a daughter. Some of them my heart aches for, but others, I just smile and think “thank God I have boys”…

Being Sara » baby development

He Never Looked Back

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