Being Sara » babies

Another Beginning…

Sara — Thu, 05 May 2011 15:18:04 +0000

Xander had his ‘Kindergarten Connection’ (screening) meeting yesterday. After touring schools and weighing our options, we finally picked what we hope will be the best one for both boys. The connection meeting went pretty well – they certainly have it organized and down to a science.

We walked into the cafeteria and went to the registration table. Xander got a name tag and we got a giant terracotta pot. There were 4 ‘stations’ set up, and we were directed to the 1st station where Xander played with one of the kindergarten teachers (they are big on magnetic letters) on a baking tray (cool trick since it’s magnetic) while we chatted with the principal. They got to test Xander’s letter recognition and organization and we got some handouts (which we could carry around in our handy pot). Xander got to pick out a seed packet (to plant in the terracotta pot) and we moved onto the next station. At each station they evaluated things like gross and fine motor skills, following directions, etc. and we met with people like the school nurse, the OT specialist, reading specialist and teachers. As Xander finished whatever task was in front of him, he was given some sort of reward (a beach ball from the health table, gardening gloves from the OT table, a drawing/counting game from the academics table, etc.)

When we left and I asked Xander how he liked it, he said ‘it was ok… but they didn’t have any dinosaurs for me to play with’ On the other hand, this morning he asked me where he was going to school today, and when I told him, his current school he made a face at me. I asked him what the problem was – he loves his school and he informed me yes, but he wanted to go to kindergarten! So, I guess any qualms I had over him being ready (the OT lady’s first comment when she met us was ‘wow, a little guy – he just barely meets the cut off!’) are moderately relieved since he’s pretty confident that he’s ready

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We Have A Biter…

Sara — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:34:08 +0000

Parker has always been our rough and tumble kid. He loves to wrestle. He loves to be tossed about. He loves anything that involves physical play. In our house, most of the time, this is ok. We separate the boys when Parker gets too physical. I put him down when he tries to hit me. We constantly remind him to be gentle, and show him gentle touches. But the kid just loves rough play. Last week at day care he chased another child. He pushed the child down (the kid’s head bumped a table) and then Parker when in for a bite. The teacher pulled Parker off of the other kid and reprimanded him. He, in his typical Parker fashion, melted and collapsed on the floor in tears. After the reprimand came the comforting and eventually they went back to playing normally.

After this, I asked the teacher what I should do. Her response was vague – he didn’t actually bite, so they didn’t have a “no biting” discussion. He’s not even 18 months yet, so lengthy discussions don’t work. I let her know I was open to any suggestions, that we were trying everything we could think of and would try anything anyone else could think of.

I asked my mother-in-law and sister-in-law what they thought. They have over 50 years of parenting experience combined, so I thought between all of the kids and grandkids maybe they would have come across this sort of situation before. My mother-in-law talked about a friend of the family who used to bite her older brother when she was little. Eventually the mother encouraged the boy to bite her back. He did, and the biting stopped. I thought that biting back wasn’t an approved solution, but I could be wrong. This wasn’t exactly biting back either, since it was the brother who bit, not a parent…

I asked our pediatrician. He said this behavior is normal, and that we should just keep doing what we’re doing.

Then last night Parker bit me. Hard. Hard enough to draw blood. We were playing on the floor after dinner. He was getting pretty rough, so I wrapped him in my arms and told him that hands were for hugs, not hitting. While I hugged him, he bit me. After I had pulled him off, and recovered from the surprise, I tried to explain to Parker that he hurt Mommy. That we don’t bite, etc. but he was too riled up to listen to any words coming out of my mouth.

So, anyone who happens to stumble across this blog: How do you teach a 15-month-old not to bite? Furthermore, how do you teach this particular 15-month-old boy to please, please be a little more gentle?

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Love/Hate Relationship With Mud

Sara — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:25:31 +0000

Loves the mud until the fall, then hates the mud...

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And the love of books begins again

Sara — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:53:40 +0000

Parker's current favorite: Cornelius P. Mud, Are You Ready For Bed?

Parker is in love with books. He show little interest in other toys at the moment and instead prefers to carry around a book – mostly any book will do. If he happens to see you wander by while he’s carrying a book, he beelines to you and holds up the book with this pleading look in his eye and only someone with superhuman strength can say “no, I can’t ready you that book right now” which means that we have been reading lots and lots of board books in our house lately. It’s adorably cute. We were thrilled when Xander reached this phase – for a long time the only “toys” we had in our living room was just a bookcase overflowing with all of his favorites. It’s great to get back here and have lots of cuddling and reading time with the little guy

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Similar, but oh so different

Sara — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:42:26 +0000

When Xander was this age:

He discovered the joys of wandering around while snacking. In Xander’s opinion, he always needed to have two of whatever he was eating – one in each hand. It was pretty cute to watch him toddling all over the house with a cheerio in each hand, and if he ate one, he’d come back for another – never satisfied being out of balance with just one hand filled.

Now this kid comes along:

He toddles around the house in a very similar manner as his brother. However, he’s taken this snacking while toddling thing one step further. Not only does he need a snack in each hand, but one in his mouth as well (don’t worry – we keep everything smaller than bit-sized to minimize choking risk). That’s my second son – he never does anything part way. I think “go big or go home” will someday be his motto…

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A little self examination…

Sara — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:00:58 +0000

I think I might be a little too self-righteous when it comes to encroaching on family time. I have two recent examples:

Example one: An old friend was scheduled to come into town for a visit earlier this week. Plans had tentatively been made to meet up at a local bar/restaurant after work on Monday to catch up. The person making the plans was a little vague on the details, but since the location was family friendly, and I hadn’t seen this person in a long long time, Zach and I decided we’d be brave and have the kids tag along. So, Sunday night was full of preparation – I packed a diaper bag, and a bag of toys to hopefully keep the boys entertained. I prepared Xander for the following day’s plans. I carefully picked out clothing for school that wouldn’t accentuate the large amounts of food my kids manage to spill on themselves throughout the day. The next morning I packed a few remaining supplies – milk for Parker, a juice box for Xander, gummies for both of them. I continued mentioning Xander our plans for after school, and told him he could even have a “special” drink (a.k.a. shirley temple). 3pm rolls around, and I hear that plans have changed – they are no longer going to the family friendly location, but rather to one of the sketchier bars in town. Needless to say, there was no way I was bringing my kids to that bar. This made me so frustrated. Not only was I really looking forward to catching up with my old friend, but I had put so much effort into planning for the evening and I just knew tears would ensue when Xander found out we were not going to a restaurant and he would not have his special drink. I ended up sending off a short and rather snarky email – the location was shifted back and we all had a pleasant time visiting before the kidless crowd relocated themselves to the sketchier bar.

Example two: Wednesday night we arrived home at 5:30. At 5:40 Zach received an email from his boss with a request. After a follow-up to check the deadline, Zach learned that he had exactly one hour to finish the request. This threw our whole evening out of whack. My plans for a healthy meal – gone. My hope to help Xander with a thank-you note and Valentine’s Day Cards for school, not happening. Instead, I packed the boys back into the car (over many protests) and we drove to McDonald’s. We spent $12 for the three of us to eat fried crap and Xander to get a junky toy. An hour later, we drove back home (again). I understand that Zach’s job requires more than just 9-5 attention. I am completely supportive of his efforts to tweak scripts and research problems in the evenings and respond to emails nearly 24/7. What I couldn’t fathom was why Zach (and others in his office) had to drop everything from their evening routines to get a request done for 7pm on a Wednesday night. There was no 8pm meeting that I was aware of. And other than convenience for the boss to have some extra reading time, I couldn’t see any other logical explanation for the upheaval in our evening.

Twice this week my hackles have been raised by people without children failing to consider the massive amount of effort that goes into shifting plans or last minute requests. I feel like I’m being unreasonable – as one of my childless friends loves to remind me “kids are a choice” – and he’s completely right. I chose to have children, and I accept all of the responsibility and hassle that comes with that choice. But, I do get frustrated when others forget about the effort and hassle that I’m juggling.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting those without kids to remember the time and effort that goes into preparations for them? Should I just suck it up and continue juggling without complaint, or should I continue to remind people when they forget that it is more work and effort and some consideration is appreciated?

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My Kid, the bully…

Sara — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:46:46 +0000

Each child has their own specific set of joys and challenges. I guess that’s what keeps us on our toes. With Xander, I sometimes worry that he is too sensitive, that he doesn’t stick up for himself and therefore it’s easier for him and his feelings to get trampled on. I was just getting used to this – to responding to Xander and encouraging him to be assertive where appropriate.

With Parker, it’s the exact opposite. Case in point: yesterday I arrived at day care to pick up the boys. I stopped to check in with Parker’s teacher, and while I was there, another little boy’s mother arrived. Parker was already in his coat and ready to go, but toddling around happily while I talked. When this mother help up her son’s coat to get him ready, he immediately laid face-down on the ground and began to cry. She and the teacher began discussing this new behavior of his while a little girl in the class helped the boy up off the floor. He continued to cry, but was standing. Parker toddled over with his arms out. I almost picked him up as he walked by, but he had his arms out like maybe he was going to hug this other little boy, so I let him go. What did he do you ask? He walked right up to this crying little boy with a big smile on his face and pushed him in the chest. I was mortified. I of course swooped Parker away and said “oh Parker, we don’t push, we hug” while demonstrating a hug. Parker may or may not have understood the lesson (I repeated it a few times) but it’s been sinking in with me for months. Our boy is rough and tumble through and through. He loves to push, pull, tug and hit. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we remind him to be gentle or how many times we show him how to touch people gently. His first reaction is to hit. His behavior means that he is the child who is put into a pack ‘n play or a jump-a-roo to give the other kids in the room a break from him. Parker really believes that he is just playing, that his actions are all in fun, but of course they aren’t interpreted that way. We won’t give up, but this new kid with this new behavior is certainly proving to be a challenge for us!

How about the rest of you – do you have a hitter or a biter, and have you found any effective strategies in teaching them other methods of “playing”?

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What Would You Do?

Sara — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:02:38 +0000

Ok, confession time: I watch Private Practice. It’s a cheesy spin-off of Gray’s Anatomy. I can’t convince anyone else I know that it’s worth an hour of their time, but I faithfully tune in each week (or so). Most of the time, the cast is dealing with some rather depressing issues – infertility, abuse, death, etc. I sat down to watch the most recent episode last night and it was especially heart wrenching.

Spoiler alert – if you haven’t seen it and you want to, don’t read the rest of this post. The episode opens with a woman giving birth (not the gory stuff), but she isn’t interested in the baby, only in the baby’s cord blood. It turns out the couple has a pair of 8 year old daughters with leukemia and they need the cord blood to treat them. Unfortunately, the cord blood has a low cell count which means there is only enough to treat one of the girls.

This is of course Hollywood drama – the parents are then faced with the decision – which daughter do they save? The mother puts her foot down. She refuses to choose. If they can’t both live, then they both die. The show paints the mother as crazy, and cruel for not choosing to save at least one of her daughters. And I found myself sympathizing with her. In her shoes, I don’t think I could choose which child lived and which child didn’t. It’s the age-old Sophie’s Choice question. It kind of surprised me that the writer’s of the show weren’t more sympathetic to this woman’s position.

None of us can really know how we’d react in a similar situation unless we are actually faced with it. I know that much as I’d love to be the type who springs into action, my instinct is to freeze in the face of an emergency. I can only imagine that I would freeze, shut down, if faced with that sort of choice. The father in this episode did choose, sort of. He voiced his opinion, and a few minutes later (again with Hollywood drama) the daughter he chose to let go got too sick for the treatment. Watching them explain to the two sisters that one was going to live and one was going to die was most definitely a tear-jerker.

If nothing else, the story from this episode made me squeeze my children a little tighter and longer this morning and send a silent non to the Gods that everything is right in our little world, and that my kids are healthy, happy and safe.

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How Do You Spell….?

Sara — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:09:05 +0000

We have been living inside a spelling bee for several weeks now. My day starts sometimes as early as 5:30 with a whisper in my ear, “Mama, how do you spell ‘window’?” and if I don’t respond, “Mama, how do you spell ‘couch’?” and it’ll keep going until I start spelling. In the car on the way to work I hear “Mama, how do you spell ‘tree’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘back hoe’?” or my personal favorite, “Mama, how do you spell ‘Signwithredinit’?” and “Mama, how do you spell ‘somethingelse’?” And my favorite response – “Wow, that’s a weird word”

The worst part of the inescapable spelling bee is that I’m pretty sure Xander thinks we’re like seals. He asks and we perform. I’m not convinced that there is any sort of retention or learning going on when we spell. I think this because if you ask Xander to repeat what was just spelled, or even the first letter, he can’t (or won’t – not sure which) do it. Which then leaves me wondering at 8pm when I’m trying to get the little man to sleep and he’s asking me “Mama, how do you spell ‘bear’?” why do I keep going? I’m pretty sure it’s negative reinforcement, like when you pick up a phone to make it stop ringing, or pick up a tea kettle to get it to stop whistling. I wonder when (and how) we’ll get out of this never-ending spelling bee…

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What’s worse than a sick kid? Two sick kids…

Sara — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:06:53 +0000

I’m coming out of radio silence this week after juggling two rather sick boys for the week. It started last Sunday with two very cranky boys. We went for a drive to get out of the house – Xander of course needed to pee and for the first time ever, we got turned down when we asked to use a restroom. Where, you ask? The Campton Cupboard. They have zero sympathy for pee-pee dancing 3 year-olds, so don’t even try. Also, if you try to use the restroom in the Dunkin’ Donuts in Campton, be forewarned that it’s easier to pee outside than it is to try to skip in front of rude tourists in line.

Fast forward to several sleepless nights and two days home, first with Xander and then with Parker (who managed to catch another bout of RSV, complete with a 101.6 temperature and back onto nebulizer treatments). Parker is still waking up between 2:30 and 3:30 every morning for a few hours, and Xander is still crying every morning that he doesn’t feel good and doesn’t want to go to school (please note that by the time we arrive at school he is running to get inside and play with his friends, so we’re not taking those complaints too seriously).

Evenings have been EXHAUSTING. First, one kid will cry, and then before one of us can calm that one down, the other starts crying so we’ve had an almost constant flow of tears between the hours of 5pm and 8pm for the past 5 days. Yeah, I’m on my pity wagon – all are welcome! I’m hopeful that we’ll turn the corner this weekend and start to see more smiling and less crying.

Unfortunately, Xander has rediscovered his love of puzzles recently. He’s getting quite good at putting them together on his own. The biggest challenge is that Parker firmly believes that his primary role in our family is to pick up puzzle pieces and put them in boxes. He couldn’t care less if anyone else might have wanted to use that particular piece. This of course starts a great deal of arguments and the cycle continues until Parker goes to sleep. Ah, the joys of parenthood…

Being Sara » babies

Another Beginning…

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