Now there is never enough time.  Not enough time to sleep, not enough time to clean the house or put away laundry.  Not enough time to cook real food or play with my children.  Everything I do is done quickly and usually half-assed because there isn’t time for more.  This past weekend is a perfect example of what our lives are like:

Friday night – Zach played golf with some friends from work.  Sara took the boys home, fed them dinner, bathed and put them to bed.  No time for playing or enjoying children, just time to get the bare necessities done.  Then a little time for folding laundry.

Saturday – We are all up by 7am.  We shower and get the kids dressed and fed and leave the house by 10am.  We have to stop at a friend’s house because Zach forgot his laptop and keys in the car when he was dropped off after golf the previous evening.  Then we rush south to the nephew’s baseball game.  We are 15 minutes late (as usual).  We move from the baseball game to the niece’s softball game.  This one is slightly more stressful with Parker because there is a dirt road behind the dugout with  a slow but steady stream of traffic, and Parker thinks that running into the road is the best game ever.  After the softball game we grab some lunch with the family.  Then we pop into Lowe’s for a housewarming present, and head to a housewarming party (both kids crash in the car, which is a relief).  We stay at the party for several hours until Parker starts with the ear piercing screaming.  Zach and I have gotten used to it (the hearing loss helps I think) but we didn’t want to subject the rest of the crowd to his noise.  We got home in time for me to jump in the shower to rinse 8 hours of sweat (it was sooo very hot and humid that day) and dirt off before a friend arrived to bring me to a bachelorette party.  I arrived back home at 2:30 am.  My sweet husband let me sleep until 9:30 the next day, then we rushed to feed the kids brunch before heading out the door for a birthday party.  We arrived home Sunday night at 8:30 pm.

The piles of laundry and dishes and general house tidiness that I ignored last weekend are shameful.  The lawn is ridiculously shaggy.  The litter box has been ignored for far too long.  The list goes on and on.  Children are a choice.  Zach and I chose this lifestyle and 80% of the time I am completely satisfied with it.  However, when I hear about spontaneous vacations, naps on lazy afternoons, boredom, and a thousand other things that I no longer have now, that ugly green jealousy monster rears it head.  There is just never enough time…

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1 year old Parker

Last year on December 30th Zach and I got up before the sun (4am). I enjoyed my last shower for a few days, and then we grabbed our bag and drove about 3 blocks down the street to the hospital. When we arrived at the labor & delivery desk at 5am, they whisked me into a room and directly in to a johnny and then to bed where they stuck me with a few IV’s. We hung out and watched Parker’s movement on the fetal monitor for a while, and went through a few stacks of paperwork. Zach changed into some lovely maroon scrubs and at some point, I got my epidural. By 7:30am I was wheeled down to the operating room. I remember shivering a lot – first from the epidural, and then the cool temperature in the OR compounded the shaking. The very kind anesthesiologist tucked a warmed blanket around my head and shoulders while the rest of the operating team worked below my waist. I can remember a few tugs and pulls, and then wondering if they were going to make the incision soon, which is right when I first heard your little squeaky cry.

A few hours later, Zach and I were settled back in our room with the newest addition to our family, Parker Austin. Luckily, this time around, one of us knew how to breastfeed, so that process went a little more smoothly. Right from the start, you were Squeaky – you were the noisiest eater we had seen, and we chuckled over your little noises. You had lots of visitors that first day, and slept through nearly all of it. Your brother was so excited to meet you, and immediately insisted that we unswaddle you so that he could see your toes (I know, he’s got some strange ideas at times).

Eventually the visitors dwindled, and the three of us slept and relaxed for the rest of the day. The next few days in the hospital were pretty quiet and relaxed. You slept a lot, and I tried to sleep whenever possible. We tried to learn as much about your new personality as possible. We let you stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, but I told you that would be the last time in a long time that we’d allow it I finally let your Dad eat Thai food (during our pregnancy, I wouldn’t let anyone even have it in the same room with me – even the sight of the restaurant was enough to make me feel nauseous).

You have been a joy and delight every day since you were conceived. At the same time, you have challenged us in ways we could not have anticipated every day. You can be the best, happiest baby, and you have the most adorable smile that has only gotten cuter with the six teeth you have sprouted. On the other hand, you have very strong opinions, and are not shy about letting us know when you are irritated. Mostly, you get mad when we try to change your diaper (which sometimes takes two people – one to pin you down, and one to clean you up) or try to get you dressed – the cold winter has provided plenty of challenges for all of us – you can take mittens off almost as fast as we can put them on, and many days we skip them (assuming the weather isn’t too cold).

You are a wonderful sleeper.  If you had been our first child, we might have considered having a whole litter.  The first 6-8 months were rough, but now you’re amazing and we very much appreciate that (especially because your brother is still a rotten sleeper).  You are also an excellent eater (not at all picky) which is refreshing.  I’m sure you’ll develop your own picky tastes as you toddle into childhood, but for now we are enjoying the fact that you’ll eat pretty much all of whatever we put on your tray.

You learned to roll over at about 5 months.  By 7 months you were scooting and then crawling.  At 10 months you could stand for the briefest of seconds on your own, and started to cruise on furniture.  You took your first steps in the middle of your 11th month, but you still prefer to crawl  (oh man, you are the fastest crawler – it’s tough to keep up with you sometimes!)

You are a rough and tumble little boy.  You love to tackle your brother, or anyone else who might be sitting or lying on the floor.  You learned to crawl up the stairs at 9 months, but we are still too terrified to let you do it on your own, and your climbing back down skills are still a bit weak.  In some ways, you can be just like your brother.  In others, you are his antithesis, you are chaos where he is order.  He has loved you from the beginning though, and the two of you are clearly friends.  Xander does not like to go places without you, and even when offered a treat, he refuses if you can’t come.  He always remembers to ask if you can have some of whatever he has, and he loves it when the two of you “match” – especially clothing (which personally, isn’t my thing, but I do indulge your brother from time to time).  It is easy to see that you two will be the best of friends for years to come.

If I could only use one word to describe your first year, it would be bouncy.  We’ve had lots of ups and downs with you (your weight, your sleeping pattern, your moods, etc.) and the one movement you have loved ever since you could hold your head steady is bouncing – if we could just hold you under your arms, you would jump and bounce happily for hours at a time (unfortunately, we have yet to meet anyone with the arm strength to keep up with that desire).

You are my youngest and last son.  I love you more than words can describe.  You are smart, strong willed and have brief but wonderful moments of tenderness.  One of my favorite memories from 2009 will always be rocking quietly with you in front of the fire as you fall asleep and watching the snow slowly fall out the window.  It was as close to perfection as I have gotten in a long time.  I hope your first year was as wonderful for you as it was for us, and I know that this coming year will be just as amazing.  Happy Birthday Peanut!

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I feel like we’ve finally turned a corner when it comes to sleep in our house.  Parker’s been sleeping great for almost 2 weeks now, and Xander has occasionally woken up, but most nights goes back to sleep quickly.  Ahh… Sleep – it’s a wonderful, wonderful thing

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The big one likes to "match" with his brother and occasionally I indulge him...

Wow, it’s about time I dust the cobwebs off this blog!  So what the heck happened you ask?  Well, we sold our house and had to move out in 3 weeks.  That’s what happened.  In the past 3 weeks we packed and moved our entire house, and had to find someplace to go while we search for a new house to buy.  So, we’re currently renting a beautiful house on the water (a place we could never afford to rent in the summertime or ever, ever own – but we can afford the winter rental rate so we’ll enjoy it while it lasts!)  This has meant stashing our kids with relatives for the past few weekends while we pack and move.  It’ll be nice to actually spend a day with them over Thanksgiving!

The boys are settling into the new place quite well.  There’s lots of space to run and play, and plenty of stairs for Parker to climb (don’t worry – he’s always supervised!)  In fact, both boys slept through the night last night – it was amazing!  I’m hopeful that it wasn’t a one-time occurrence…

They are both doing wonderfully – Xander continues to surprise us with his personality – his humor, his intelligence, and his sweetness (especially towards his brother!)  Parker is also doing well – loving regular table food – anything he and get his grabby little hands on.  He is the fastest crawler I’ve seen in a while, and completely fearless.  He’s also sweet (for brief moments) and enjoys a quick cuddle in between crawling all over the place and putting whatever he can find in his mouth.

So, we’re getting ready for Thanksgiving (at our families houses thankfully!) and trying not to unpack too much stuff knowing that in a few short months we’ll be doing it all over again…  So have patience with me, I’ll be back to the regularly scheduled programming as soon as I can

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ps. Aren’t he and Mazzy adorable?

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Parker loves his new-found ability, and would really prefer to be down and crawling all the time (which just isn’t possible in places like a doctor’s office or the grocery store…) he is also not shy about letting his displeasure about confinement be known to anyone within earshot.

Xander also loves Parker’s new-found ability.  Zach and I joking equate it to Xander having a puppy because Parker will eagerly chase Xander around the whole house and the two of them will laugh and giggle the entire time.  Just about 9 months now, and I have a feeling he’ll be walking about the same time his brother did, in a few months.  Will that make life easier, harder, or a little of both…?

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Also, have I mentioned that his 3rd tooth has popped through?   Three teeth before 8 months!  He’s got quite the set of chompers…

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Then at 5am I woke myself, completely paranoid that Parker must have stopped breathing.  Usually he wakes us pretty consistently 3 times each night.  Once around 11pm, then again sometime between 2am and 3am, and then finally around 5am.  If we’re lucky, we can get him back to sleep for another hour or so after that last time.  This has been our routine for a few months now.  It’s not great, but we’re used to it, and we’ve been hopeful that someday soon Parker would start to grow out of at least one of those middle of the night wake-ups.

Knowing that I would not be able to return to slumber without checking, and also knowing that I had a 50% chance of waking the baby up, I went into Parker’s room to check.  He had somehow done a complete 180 degree flip in his crib, and was sleeping on his stomach, but he was breathing and since I hadn’t yet woken him, I didn’t want to mess with him by flipping him back over, etc., so I crept back to bed, and smiled the blissful smile of a parent whose child has just slept through the night for the first time in a long, long time.

Let me repeat that – he slept through the night!  7pm to 6:15am!  Over 11 hours straight!  When I got him dressed this morning I told him that he needs to repeat that performance every night from now until the day he moves out of our house.  And since all little boys listen and follow their mommies exact instructions, I’m sure that will happen any day now

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But, being the worrier that I am, I do worry.  I worry that Xander won’t have shifted back to preferring Daddy tuck him in before I go.  I worry that Zach will be just exhausted when I get home if Parker doesn’t sleep well.  I worry that I won’t be around when Parker finally learns to crawl.  I worry that I’ll be shy and nervous and won’t network well at my conference.  I worry that I won’t have the right clothes – I’ll be over dressed, or under dressed or too hot or too cold.  I worry that my computer won’t connect to the UVM network and I’ll be disconnected for a whole week (ack!)  I worry that living in a dorm for a week will really be as uncomfortable as I remember.  I worry that I’ll get lost, driving there, or walking around or both.  Most of all, I worry that everything will be more than fine at home, it’ll be great and it’ll turn out that my boys really don’t need me around as much as I had led myself to believe…  And then I feel bad worrying about that, because isn’t that the best possible scenario if everyone is happy and content?

But, regardless of everything else, I will get four straight nights of uninterrupted blissful sleep, and that in itself is worth all of the worrying!

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Parker & "Uncle Peegee"

Dear Squeaky,

Somehow you have developed into a little person who can survive on 20 minute naps.  I know others have tried this method and found it successful.  Your father and I are not those people.  We function much, much better with 8 or more hours of sleep – straight.  We can still function pretty well on 5, and if we have to, on 4.  However, the 3 hours you’ve been allotting us for the past 3 days is not really helpful.  You see, my bosses don’t find it cute or endearing when I fall asleep in meetings.  I’ve walked into more doorways than I can count because I’m too tired to pay attention to where I am going.  I put bread in the microwave and rice in the bread drawer.   I’ve walked into every room of our house looking for a pair of socks I had been carrying at one point (still no clue where I left them…).  For a period of time yesterday I couldn’t remember how to spell the word “reciprocate”.  I love the fact that you’re sleeping two or more hours at a time during the day, but I’m not around to take advantage of that time.  Unless you want us to sell you to some band of Gypsies (since they are known for staying up all night dancing and partying anyway), then I think it would be an excellent idea if you tried sleeping for longer stretches of time.

Love,

Mommy (who is on the verge of sleep deprivation psychosis)

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