Being Sara

Image from http://aconn73.wordpress.com/2006/12/09/pregnancy-is-a-wonderful-experience/

At one of my recent doctor visits I mentioned that I was feeling significantly more movement from this baby than I had with the first.  It wasn’t really a complaint, more of an observation.  My doctor suggested that perhaps I was feeling more because my uterine wall had thinned after the first pregnancy, so I was able to feel movement more often than I had with Xander.  “Ok, I thought, that makes sense.”

After I left, I continued to ponder this theory, and it seemed to make even more sense – Xander’s kicks, while strong at times were never painful.  This little guy is able to take my breath away and stop me in my tracks with just one well placed foot or elbow.  I guess Xander really did do a good job thinning out that uterine wall, because I’m much more sensitive to movement this time around.

It’s sort of a double edged sword sort of situation – I love feeling the baby kick, knowing that he’s moving and doing well in there, and that I should enjoy these movements, because they are likely the last I will ever feel like this…  On the other hand, there are moments when I would love some peace and quiet, just a few minutes without hiccups or kicks, but it’s not like I can reason or plead with the kid yet.

The image here is not my belly – though there are times when you can see it rolling in a manner similar to Alien.  However, that little foot is an excellent portrayal of how I feel 45% of my day.

So, for the next few weeks I’m doing my best to enjoy the movement as much as possible and hope that the schedule he’s developed in the womb is vastly different from the one that we’ll have once he gets out

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From bibswithdignigy.com

Anyone who has had a sufficiently large belly can sympathize with me on this – it becomes a magnet for crumbs and other foods.  Lately I’ve noticed that there is one particular spot on my baby bump that is more “magnetic” than the rest slightly to the right and slightly above my former belly button (I say former, because these days it’s pretty much a flat spot that used to be an indentation once long ago).

The reason I’ve noticed this particular spot more than others is because almost every day for the past week I get to work, take off my coat, put on my ID badge, and discover a tiny, darkened stain in this exact spot.  Each morning I sigh in exasporation because I failed to notice the spot when I could have actually treated the stain and before I dried the shirt thus making it a permanent addition…

Additionally, I’ve got a very limited wardrobe this time around – I don’t have many long sleeve maternity shirts, and I refust to spend much money on any of them because in a little over a month I’ll never wear them again.  So now my entire winter weather maternity wardrobe is officially stained – I know it’s part of the pregnancy gig – maybe I should just give up and start wearing a bib

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Xander in his castle

So, this happened just before Halloween, but I got so distracted by Xander’s recent fears that I decided to put off the post about his tumble.  However, it was rather monumental as far as tumbles go, and in the interest of keeping a relatively accurate account of Xander’s life, I didn’t want to miss it completely.

We have a pretty solid morning routine.  I get up first and get ready for work.  About that time, Xander wakes up and watches a cartoon in bed with Zach (lately he’s been addicted to Little Einsteins).  When I’m done getting myself ready, I retrieve Xander, and we go downstairs, make his chocolate milk (another recent addiction – we’ve resorted to Ovaltine to at least add a few vitamins in the mix…), and then change his diaper and get him ready for the day.  Once Xander is done, he helps me wake up Dad, and then we finish his cartoon on the couch while Zach gets ready for work.  Then we all pile in the car and I drop everyone off before arriving at work myself.

For a few mornings prior to the big fall, Xander had been asking to turn on the light at the top of the stairs (as with most stairwells, there is a light switch at the top and bottom, and Xander likes to flip them both).  Given his recent fears, I’d been indulging this request, and lifting him up to turn on the light.

This particular morning, he told me wanted to turn on the light, so I paused at the top of the stairs to pick him up.  He must have changed his mind, because he started walking down the stairs in front of me.  I should mention that Xander has been walking up and down stairs since about 16 months – we removed the gate from the stairs and allowed him to do this by himself around 18 months.  So, walking down the stairs is not usually a big deal.  However, since Xander also recently became convinced that “bad guys” are going to get his feet when he sleeps, he’s been wearing socks to bed.  The combination of sleepy, and stocking feet and dark were apparently too much that morning, because about the third stair down Xander slipped.

It was a bit of a slow motion moment.  I remember reaching out for him, and thinking I could almost catch a limb, but then wondering if pulling on a limb would be worse – dislocating it, etc.  At that point, he somehow twisted sideways, and his poor little body flopped down the rest of the stairs.  When he finally reached the bottom, his head smacked hard against the wood floor.

I of course flew down the stairs and scooped him up, and the comotion brought Zach out of bed in a hurry as well.  Xander cried for a few minutes, probably both scared and sore.  I felt awful – I should have been in front of him walking down the stairs, not behind.  I’m sure at some point this fall was bound to happen, but I still feel terrible that it happened on my watch.

Luckily, Xander seemed fine.  He had a small scrape on his knuckle, a bruise on his side, and a lump on his head.  He mentioned bumping his head several more times that morning, and again in the evening.  We of course let his day care know so they could keep an eye on him during the day to make sure there wasn’t some sort of more serious hidden injury.  He was fine, but that image of his little body tumbling down the stairs is one that I have not been able to shake…

On a more positive note, Xander got his flu shot this week.  He was amazing!  He sat in his own chair (didn’t want to sit on my lap), cried for maybe 30 seconds after he got the shot, then hopped off the chair and was ready to go.  We didn’t have any pacifiers with us, so he didn’t use one of those, and he didn’t ask for a hug from me when it was over, he just held his Curious George stuffed animal, and apparently that was enough.  What a tough little guy!

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At my last doctor’s visit, I learned that there are 6 women all scheduled for repeat c-sections within 1 week of me.  Apparently the end of December is a popular time of year to have a baby.  I don’t know if everyone is trying to get the tax write-off for 2008 (not the reason for our decision by the way).

When Xander was born, we had a wonderful experience with the hospital staff.  Our hospital is a relatively small regional one – only 4 post-delivery rooms, but that wing was entirely rebuilt (finished about 2 months before Xander was born) so everything is new and pretty high tech for our rural setting.  Aside from one nurse who was a little obsessive about rules on the maternity ward, they were all awesome.  The nurses were incredibly attentive.  One nurse who usually works in the ER spent the day with me while I was in labor (filling in a shift) and actually came up to check on me the next time she was working.  One of our doctors actually came in (with one of his kids) on his day off to check on me.  Overall, it was a great experience.  They were great with Xander – showed us everything a new parent might need to know, and they were always patient with us, never talked down to us, and truly seemed interested in our well-being.  It was such a great experience that a week or so later when I was feeling up to a walk, we bought them a gift basket of cookies and brought it to the hospital (I should mention that our house is less than a mile away from the hospital).

I think one of the factors in this positive experience was that we were the only ones in the maternity ward for 3 of the 4 days we were there.  The undivided attention was quite nice!  This time, if we’re lucky it’ll just be full and not over-full.

So now I’m nervous.  Not that I think the care will be any less amazing, but I don’t think that we’ll get the undivided attention that we got last time.  When they have the time, the nurses will keep the sleeping baby in the nursery, allowing mothers to get some much needed rest as well.  Again, this is only as time allows, so I suspect that this bonus feature will be offered far less during our upcoming stay.

I’m sure everything will work out just fine in the end – the baby will arrive, the doctors and nurses will give us great support, and we’ll go home a happy and slightly larger family.  But, that doesn’t stop me from wondering about what to expect when we arrive

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Zach and I have always wanted 2 children.  Not 3, not 4, not 1 – we want 2.  So after this baby is born, we’re done.  We’ve got the family that we want (and can afford) and we’ll be quite content with that.  So my doctor’s office offered to do a tubal ligation for me when I have my c-section at the end of December.  I said “um, sure…”  When I walked into the office, I hadn’t given it much thought – of course I would get my tubes tied, or Zach would have a vasectomy after this baby is born. The easiest time to do it is when I’m already open on the table – it just adds and extra five minutes to the procedure.  Since I’m already there, it’s the logical choice to make.

But then my overly worrisome imagination kicked in.  What if this baby has some sort of health problem?  I’m talking about something like Spina Bifida or Tay-sach’s disease that would severely limit the baby’s life.  It’s not that we wouldn’t love and care for this child the same as any other parent would love and care for a child, but his life would come to an end so much more quickly.  Five or ten years down the road, would Zach and I want to think about bringing another baby into the family, or would be accept the two that we had, and the fact that Xander would mostly be an only child growing up?

I can’t predict the future, and although every sign points to a normal, healthy pregnancy, there’s still that chance, and that annoying little voice in my mind that keeps saying “what if?” so when it comes to tubal ligation, I hesitate.  If my crystal ball could assure me that this next baby is going to be happy and healthy, then I’d sign the requisite forms for the operation tomorrow.  But without that assurance, I hesitate…

What would you do?

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