Being Sara

Xander is a wonderful first child. He is relatively easy going, he’s happy to follow a schedule, but he’s flexible when we need him to be. He sleeps pretty well and eats pretty well, and he loves us completely. He also very much enjoys his role as the “baby” of the family. He can have Zach’s or my undivided attention anytime he requests it. Both my family and Zach’s family dotes on him - they love to visit with him, play with him, and care for him at any opportunity.

I worry about how Xander’s personality will change once his baby brother or sister arrives. I hope that it will change for the better - he will learn patience, and empathy and sibling love. However, I think that the transition will be difficult for him. One article I was reading on Babycenter compared bringing a new sibling home to a husband or wife bringing a new spouse home. Not quite the same of course, but kids experience similar feelings of being replaced or not being needed/wanted anymore. At nearly two, I’m not quite sure how to prepare Xander for this. We’ve bought books, and talked about the baby in Mommy’s tummy, but he never seems to understand the concept, and even if he did, I don’t think he could grasp the big picture of how much his life is going to change.

I love my little guy, and I have always wanted him to have a brother or sister - not only because I wanted two kids but because I didn’t want Xander to be an only child. I want him to have a sibling to play with, who will sympathize with him when Mom and Dad are being “mean”, who will help him convince his parents that getting a gerbil really is a good idea, etc. I just wish there was a way to help him understand some of this stuff before we walk in the door with a squirming, crying infant who absorbs so much of our time…

I’m sure some of you out there have had similar experiences. How did you ease the transition for your oldest children? I’ve read lots of articles, but I haven’t seen anything that sounds like a good solid plan yet…

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I hadn’t ever heard the term “VBAC” (pronounced ‘v’ back) before I got pregnant this time around. Apparently if you have a c-section in your first pregnancy, you are sometimes have the option of having a “Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.” I happen to fall into this category. So now I get to decide, do I want to try another regular delivery, or would I prefer to go straight to a scheduled c-section? For those of you who don’t recall, my first delivery experience was quite lengthy and painful and ultimately ended in an emergency c-section. For those of you interested in the gruesome details, you can check out Xander’s first post here.

Right now, I just can’t decide. There are pros and cons to both sides. With a successful VBAC, there are less lung complications for the baby. However, if I attempt a VBAC and then end up with another emergency c-section, there are higher risks to the baby. There is also a small chance that if I attempt a natural birth, my uterus may tear at the sight of the incision of the first c-section. This would of course be bad news for both me and the baby. If I decide to have a scheduled c-section, there is more danger that the baby’s lungs might not be fully developed, but there is less stress than in a regular delivery. Since there is no way to predict how this birth will go, it’s even more difficult to decide what would be best.

Then of course, there are the practical considerations - a regular birth means a shorter recovery time, but an unpredictable delivery, and no guarantee that I might not need a c-section again eventually. A scheduled c-section fits much better with my type A personality and need to schedule and plan things. But, it also means a longer recovery time, and I wouldn’t be able to lift Xander for at least 2 weeks. I know some women feel robbed of a natural delivery if they end up having a c-section, but I never felt that way. I didn’t ever feel like I was less of a woman, or that my delivery was somehow less valid than any other delivery, so this time around I don’t feel like I need to try a natural delivery because I missed out on something the first time around. At least this isn’t something that I need to factor into my decision.

My doctors have been wonderful - I wondered if they would encourage one option over another, but they didn’t - not even a little bit. At my last visit we talked about some of the benefits of each option. He said that in his experience, women who went through a second c-section generally found the recovery time to be easier the second time around, which was a relief to hear. We talked a little bit about my specific delivery experience, and decided that we’d look at the records more later, and talk more as the time got closer. He also said that if I decided to try a regular birth, it would be like last time where I waited forever before they decided on a c-section. This time around, I could change my mind at any point. If I felt like things were going as slowly as they were before, then I could say that I didn’t want to wait anymore and I would prefer to go straight to c-section. All of this information made me feel a lot better about either decision I make, but I’m still having a heck of a time trying to decide.

There are tons of websites out there with individual stories about women who had VBACs, even vbac.com - which is of course entirely in favor of going the natural delivery route. A quick google search turns up tons of information on the subject. It sounds like lots of hospitals are banning VBACs - they say for medical reasons, but most individuals claim it’s more legal and business reasons. This part of the debate doesn’t affect me much personally, as my hospital still encourages VBACs for women who are interested, but I do find the debate over them rather interesting.

I’ve got time of course to make my decision, but I think that this one is going to take me a while to sort out. Has anyone else out there gone through this VBAC decision process? What did you do to help you decide?

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I ran out of time to write a blog post about Xander last week, and I felt bad about it. Luckily, I have lots of great stories from our mini-vacation, so I’ll make up for it with a few posts this week For several years Zach and I have been spending July 4th weekend at my family’s cottage on a small pond. We visit with friends and family while we are there, and just generally relax. This year we got 5 days there - Friday through Thursday. Xander was old enough to appreciate the outdoors and the water this year, and we spent most of our time chasing him around, but we had lots of fun.

One of the days Zach’s family came by to visit. His brother’s kids always have a great time playing in the water, and Xander just loves them. We had lots of fun with all of them. Zach’s mother often brings treats for the kids (she does a great job in that “grandmother” role). This time it was tiny tubs of snacks - Oreos for one kid, Vienna Fingers for another, etc. She got Xander Teddy Grahams. Xander didn’t end up eating them that day. However, a few days later he discovered them just before dinner. He of course asked Zach “Dada, have more?” Zach told him he could have as many as he wanted if he ate enough for dinner. So once we had finished up dinner (Xander actually ate pretty well), Xander pulled down the Teddy Grahams and asked for some. While I cleaned the kitchen, Xander snacked on 6 or 7 Teddy Grahams. We didn’t think much of it - continued with our bedtime routine, reading books, settling down, etc. About 7:45, the Teddy Grahams kicked in. Xander dragged us to bed and made us lay down. I thought “ok, if this is how we get him to sleep tonight, that’s fine.” Boy, was I mistaken! Xander spent the next half hour running - not walking, not pausing, running around the cabin. His route was generally to jump on the bed with us, roll around for a few seconds, roll down, run into the living room, grab something (my water bottle, a book, a pamphlet on a life jacket, pretty much anything he could find) then run back to the bedroom to give it to us, jump on the bed for a second, and start over again.

This may not seem like unusual behavior, but let me stress that Xander COULD NOT sit still, not even for a second. When I say he was running, he was running, not walking everywhere. Since dinner was macaroni and cheese with a side of tomato and cucumber, and the only other thing he ate was Teddy Grahams, we’re blaming the Teddy Grahams. Xander has had sugar before - he doesn’t really like much sweet stuff, but he enjoys an occasional chocolate or sweetie candy. We’d never seen this type of reaction out of him before. It baffled us, and we decided that we will wait a loooong time before giving him Teddy Grahams again. However, since Zach’s mother bought the Teddy Grahams, and Xander is staying with her for a few days while day care is closed (annual vacation week for them), we made sure to send the Teddy Grahams to her house - hopefully she doesn’t give him too many

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