Being Sara

17 week fetus

Apparently I have a lot to talk about this week, so I’ve mashed it all into one post. First, movement! I’m certain I’m now feeling movement, which is much earlier than the last time around. It’s not very regular yet, and sort of feels like that drop in your stomach when you hit a hill in a roller coaster or a steep road. I’m expecting the “kicks” to feel more like kicks in the upcoming weeks.

A VBAC update. I’ve decided to have another c-section. Ironically, it was Abby’s comment in my original post that helped me figure out what I really wanted to do. I think subconsciously I was already leaning towards c-section, but I wanted to make sure that I had carefully considered my options. Abby said that she thought with her second child she would opt for a VBAC, as she had a short-ish labor (5 hours) but a rather lengthy and painful recovery. I was the exact opposite. I had a long and miserable labor, but my recovery was quick and relatively painless. This helped me to realize that I’m much more comfortable doing that again than I am with an unpredictable labor. Those of you who know me know that I am not a spontaneous person. I like my life to be orderly and planned. In fact, I’ve already started making arrangements for my maternity leave even though it’s still over 4 months away. The idea of having everything planned before the next baby arrives is appealing and comforting to me. The thought of surgery is not overly concerning, and if my recovery is like the last one, then I should be feeling pretty good in a week or so after the event. I haven’t had a chance to discuss this with my doctors yet. My next appointment is August 21st, so hopefully they’ll be able to give me some more details at that point.

Speaking of my doctor’s appointment, I completed the “optional” additional testing my doctor’s office offers for downs syndrome and other various birth defects. The test is simply a vial of blood drawn. We did this with Xander during the last pregnancy. I stressed about it a little the last time, and started down the “what if” path. Luckily, Zach pulled me back to reality, and we decided not to even discuss other options until we had more information. Xander was of course perfect, so we never had to have discussions about “what if our child has a birth defect?” In my mind, this test was not optional for us. Regardless of the results, I want to know as much about my child as soon as possible. Even if the baby has downs syndrome, it’s something that I want to be prepared for - research, read books, talk to people and most importantly, prepare my family ahead of time. I don’t know how I would react to those faces that would initially be excited for us, and then look at us with pity. I want everyone to be happy about his baby’s arrival, and I don’t want any surprise that could have been prevented to detract from that happiness. I suppose that parents have reasons for choosing not to know - similar to those who chose to wait to find out the gender until the baby is born. I am just having a hard time figuring out why parents would make the decision not to know…

Related items

• Baby Week 25 - Dancing Baby!
• Baby Week 19 - The Name Game Begins…
• Baby Week 16 - Fluttering, maybe??
• Baby Week 32 - Feeling Those Feet!
• Baby Week 31 - Tired of the Crumb Catcher

16 Week Fetus

I always assumed that with my second pregnancy I would be able to feel movement earlier, and I would recognize it as soon as it started. As with most assumptions, I was wrong. I remember what it felt like to have Xander bouncing around in there, but it’s hard to recall specifically what that initial movement felt like. Additionally, it’s so easy to convince myself that it was just a belly gurgle or gas or some other bodily process going on in there, and not actual fetal movement.

This past Sunday I was riding around on some pretty bumpy unpaved roads up on a mountain (that’s another story all together). I was pretty convinced that I could feel this little baby wiggling around as we rode. But, I didn’t feel much movement after that - not for a few days. Every once in a while I’ll think “maybe?” but then I’m not sure. This morning again, I thought I felt some wiggling, but it’s so faint that it’s hard to say definitively one way or another.

I’m not worried about not feeling movement yet - with Xander it was 19 weeks, and with some women it’s even later than that. They say that with your second (and later pregnancies) you feel movement sooner, partially because you know what to expect. Maybe I am feeling movement sooner, but it’s so easy to say “nah, that was something else” that I’m still not sure. I guess I’m waiting for a single definitive boot to the bladder to let me know that he or she is moving around in there.

Speaking of he or she - we have our ultrasound scheduled for August 7th at 8am. We are hoping that this child will be more cooperative than Xander was at telling us the gender prior to birth. Please keep your fingers crossed for us - this could be a huge help in the name negotiation game!

Related items

• Baby Week 32 - Feeling Those Feet!
• Baby Week 25 - Dancing Baby!
• Baby Week 20 - Ug, Pregnancy Brain!!
• Week 23 - Baby Jumping Jacks?
• Baby Week 31 - Tired of the Crumb Catcher

I stumbled across an interesting blog post a few days ago, and it’s been on my mind ever since. So, first, please check out the post here, and then you’ll be able to follow along with my thoughts (don’t worry - it’ll open in a new window).

So, to sum up what Jesse was saying, essentially, we are being too soft on our kids, and teaching them to blame others for their problems. Some of the points that Jesse makes are good ones. I always felt that the movement to use purple pens for correction instead of red was insane. I don’t think it helps kids to make them feel less stressed about red pen markings. Same goes for everyone getting a trophy in little league, or no one having to sit down during a spelling bee.

However, I think that it’s easy to go too far with this as well. I think there must be a happy medium. Jesse talks about raising their 4 month old daughter. He makes reference to her almost being able to roll over, and someday trying to walk. These are things that I can easily relate to. I thought back to our experiences with Xander rolling over. It took him a long time to get this figured out. We could have left him screaming on his stomach for longer I’m sure. On the other hand, when he was flipping out, he wasn’t being productive. It wasn’t like he was trying to move himself, he was just crying, red-faced and miserable, so we didn’t leave him like that for lengthy periods of time. The same when Xander learned to walk. We held his hand when he asked, and let him attempt on his own when he didn’t.

Now, Xander is very clear with us when he wants to do things on his own. Two examples that come to mind immediately are the stairs, and food. Xander rarely wants help going up or down the stairs these days. We still play spotter when he’s walking down, but we let him go on his own for the most part. Xander also will refuse to eat if he can’t hold his own utensil. He doesn’t want to be spoon fed, and he doesn’t want help getting his food from the plate to his mouth. Regardless of how much he spills, he wants to do it on his own, and we let him as much as possible.

According to Jesse’s theory, Zach and I are raising a member of the “Y-Me?” generation. We help him when he asks for it, and sometimes when he doesn’t. On the other hand, we have an extremely self confident child. He adapts easily to change, isn’t afraid to try things on his own, and is confident that if he goes running around on the playground, Mom or Dad will be around somewhere to catch him if he slips.

We haven’t reached an age where we can start teaching things like fiscal responsibility, or familial responsibility in terms of chores, etc. Before I was a parent, I probably would have had some strong opinions about what we would and wouldn’t do in terms of these decisions. Now, I’m taking a “wait and see” attitude. I can’t tell you that we will definitely require Xander to do chores around the house or that we’ll give him an allowance or not. I just don’t know right now. I do know that when we need to make the decisions, we’ll make them based on what is best for Xander - what will help him to learn and develop in a manner that we are comfortable with.

I don’t think that anyone wants a child to grow up blaming the rest of the world for his or her difficulties, but I also don’t think that raising a 2 year old to understand that life is hard and you’re just going to have to get used to it is the only way to get there. I read through some of the comments on Jesse’s site, and everyone seemed to think that his ideas were right on the money, and this was definitely the way to go. It makes me wonder how many of those commenters actually have kids… Anyway, it was an interesting article and definitely thought provoking.

Related items

• Xander Week 64 - My baby has morphed into a little boy!
• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid
• Xander Week 89 - He Has A Palate!
• Xander Week 85 - Time to bragg…
• Xander Week 80 - How Old Are You?

There are some definite benefits to having a belly bump - it’s a perfect “excuse” for being larger than normal, and no one thinks you’re “fat”. You get special treatment all the time - no one wants you to lift anything, or move anything, someone always offers you a seat, etc. Sometimes this condescending behavior can get tiresome, but it’s still nice, and it’s a good idea to enjoy it while it lasts, because once that baby enters the world, people couldn’t care less about you if the baby is in the room. Xander had me looking like this too - I went through a phase where I just looked thicker, and not actually pregnant. By the time I gave birth though, I looked like I had swallowed a basketball, but it was much more obvious to the general public that I wasn’t gaining weight just for fun, I was doing actual work in there!

So, I’m ready for the baby bump. It does mean having to roll out of bed, and ask for help with putting on socks and shoes, and a general tiredness from carrying around the extra person. It’s harder to do things like dishes or laundry, but I think that means that men are supposed to pick up that slack Unfortunately I haven’t reached the baby bump stage. I just have a slightly bigger belly. If you didn’t know I was pregnant, you’d think I had just gained some weight (I’ve really only gained 5 pounds in the 15 weeks…). I hate this phase of growth. I look fatter, but not more pregnant, so to the casual observer I just look bigger. This is why I much prefer the baby bump. I’m hoping in the next few weeks or so that apple sized kid will start to makes its presence more obvious in my middle area and then I won’t look quite so much like I’m gaining weight and more like I’m growing a little person. Does anyone else have this sort of problem in early pregnancy? Before your belly bump becomes obvious, does it look like you’re just putting on the pounds? It is a rather depressing state of growth for your own body…

Related items

• Baby Week 31 - Tired of the Crumb Catcher
• Baby Week 32 - Feeling Those Feet!
• Baby Week 30 - Crowded Maternity Ward?
• Baby Week 29 - To Tie or Not To Tie?
• Baby Week 28 - 3rd Trimester Here We Come!

I try very hard not to be one of those parents who brags about their kid all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever said “Xander said/did the cutest thing…” Zach and I of course agree that our son is the cutest, most adorable, smartest kid in the universe, but we don’t ever push this theory onto others.

That being said, I’ve been so impressed with his speech lately! At our last doctor visit, he said that as long as Xander could string 2 words together by the time he is two, then they won’t be worried about his speech. Well Xander is already stringing 3 or 4 words together. Granted, it is in Xander-ese, so for people who don’t live with the little native, it sometimes takes a little interpretation. For example, “a squirrel go?” really means “where did the squirrel go?” or “a Grandpa no working” really means “Grandpa, no more working!” He has the two word commands down though - “Dada, sit!” “Momma, eat!” “Ready, go!” For the most part, the words that he does say are pretty intelligible. Though there are times when we just have no clue what he’s trying to tell us, and we can see that it frustrates him.

He’s also quite good at identifying animals (and the noises each animal makes) - not with any detail, he couldn’t tell you the difference between a Sperm Whale and a Killer Whale, but he can tell you that they are both whales. What impressed my mother-in-law (the third grade teacher in the family) the most is that he is starting to identify emotions in books. When he sees a character looking sad, he gets upset, says uh oh, and seems to want us to “fix” the sad person. I’m not sure when that empathy thing is supposed to start, but Xander is well on his way.

The only drawback at this point is that he sometimes still uses a pacifier. Mostly when he sleeps, and sometimes if we’re watching a cartoon (he’s only got three available to him - Curious George, Little Einsteins or Phineas and Ferb). However, once the new baby arrives, if he or she also uses a pacifier, I can imagine that Xander might regress a bit with his pacifier use, which would bother me a little bit, as at that point it may actually start to interfere with his speech development. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it goes… So that’s it for bragging, but every parent has to brag once in a while, right?

Related items

• Xander Week 96 - First Big Fall
• Xander Week 84 - Worried about sibling jealousy…
• Xander Week 75 - What a great kid!
• Xander Week 66 - Curious George
• Xander Week 92 - Happy Kid