Being Sara

This week is my last full week home with Xander before I return to work. I have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since well before I started planning a family. Unfortunately, not many middle class families in America can afford to survive on a single income. As much as I would love to stay home with children until they are both established in school, we simply can’t afford it.

As with most working moms, I’m having quite the rollercoaster of feelings about returning to work. Of course I’m feeling guilty about leaving my firstborn. I’m sad about all of the moments I’ll miss with him, and worried that I won’t have enough left at the end of the day to give him what he needs.

On the other hand, I’m excited about returning to the world of adults. My world has mostly been confined to the inside of my house for the past 6 weeks, so it’ll be nice to interact with people outside of my house, and to have things to talk about other than the number of poopie diapers Xander had in a day.

Zach is spending the next several weeks with Xander, so I’m not worried about his care until mid-January when he starts day care. The day care he is going to attend is excellent - highly recommended, and very well staffed. But, no day care will love Xander the way we do, and maybe won’t ware about his needs as well and as lovingly as we do. I’m sure this is going to be something that I’ll struggle with for many months or years to come - hopefully we’ll come up with a routine that satisfies Xander and us…

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In typical Sara fashion, I have been doing as much research as possible on parenting. Now I’m not sure if the information was helpful or just stressed me out. You see, when I read through the books I find that I’m not doing half of what they suggest. Then I worry that I’m not stimulating my baby’s development enough, or that I’m fostering bad habits in my kid.

This week I attempted to follow a suggestion in my Baby Whisperer book. The author, Tracy Hogg suggested that at about 6 weeks you can “cluster feed” your baby to encourage the baby to sleep through the night. To cluster feed, you feed your baby every two hours at night - for example, at 6 pm then 8 pm the 10:30 or 11 pm. This last feeding is referred to as the dreamy feeding, as the baby should be sleeping by the end of it. Then, without burping or anything you can put your baby to sleep and in theory he or she should sleep through the night.

So, this week I tried to cluster feed Xander. Instead of being sleeping at the 10:30 pm feeding, he was wide awake and stayed that way until 2:30 am. At 3 am I gave in and fed him again. He slept from 3 am to 6 am, and that was the only sleep we got that night. Granted, Xander is only 5 weeks old, but since I have seen him sleep 6 hours at a stretch, I didn’t think this would be too much for him. Maybe cluster feeding works for some kids, and maybe it will work for Xander eventually, but at the moment, it was the longest night we’ve had so far, and I was definitely questioning the wisdom of this particular baby book by 3 am. The theory seems logical, but in practice it was quite miserable.

So, if anyone has any suggestions for great parenting books (I already have What to Expect In the First Year of course) and/or any suggestions on how to encourage babies to sleep through the night, I’d love to hear about them!

Ps. I think I should get a special pat on the back for writing this post while nursing Xander

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As with pregnancy, it seems that most people have similar comments when they meet Xander. First they say, “oh my look at that hair!” and proceed to admire Xander’s hair, to which I usually make some comment on how challenging it is to style the hair, or that it needs to be cut, but we don’t want to in case his head grows and his hair doesn’t. Then they inevitably ask me if I’m sleeping at all. Xander put himself on a 3-4 hour schedule. In general I sleep sometime between 1 am and 4 or 5 am, then we go back to sleep for 3 hours after that. So, yes, I do sleep, and some days I’m a bit tired, but overall it hasn’t been too bad. I’m guessing I ended up with a pretty easy baby, as I am managing to get some sleep, and sometimes even a nap in the afternoon (if the cats don’t wake us up…). As I’m getting an adequate amount of sleep, I don’t feel the need to sleep when the baby sleeps, so I’ve still managed to get some chores done during the day - laundry, dishes, etc. I know that not all babies are this relaxed, and some days Xander does fuss more than others, making for a much longer day and making me anxiously await Zach’s return so he can take a turn comforting the baby, changing the baby, etc. Everyone has their bad days though, so I really can’t complain too much - life is good!

baby, infant, maternity leave, sleep, stay at home mom

I imagine that many women get the same question I got when I was pregnant - are you going to breast feed? My answer was “I’m going to try.” So, after Xander was born, we set to work at learning how the whole breast feeding process was supposed to work. The first time the nurse brought Xander in to nurse, he latched on quite easily. That first night, I was encouraged that things were going to go smoothly. For the past month I think that some days, and then other days I wish that we had decided to bottle feed the little guy. One of my nipples was blistered and sore for over 2 weeks. My mom said to keep going and it would get better. It did finally, but it was a long two weeks.

Since the first painful 2 weeks, we’ve been on a rollercoaster. Some days I think that Xander and I have the routine down - he latches on easily and eats well. Other days, it takes 10-20 minutes just to get him latched on, and he’ll absoultely refuse to latch onto my left breast. Most of the literature talks about breast feeding being a bonding experience for mother and child. It’s not that I don’t feel like breast feeding is a bonding experience, but I get bored. Sitting in a quiet room for 40 minutes every 3 hours gets dull after a while. I’ve taken to reading or watching television while nursing. I worry that since I’m not talking to Xander through every experience maybe I’m depriving him of some bonding experience.

I have found some useful products through this process. I need a breast pump, mostly for when I return to work. After a great deal of research, I settled on the Medela Pump In Style pump. According to the reviews I read, and the nurses that I spoke to, this is the “cadalliac” of breast pumps. I have found it to be a very good pump, though I haven’t used any others, so I don’t have anything else to compare it to. I do like that it pumps similarly to the way a baby suckles, and I like the portability of the unit, which comes in a discrete black bag that can run on AA batteries or be plugged in. No electric breast pump is cheap. I have heard of people paying upwards of $300 for this particular pump. I found the best deal for this particular pump on BabyCenter where I paid about $225. It is now listed at $250, but they are including a free Medela Harmony Breast Pump with the purchase.

I also found that a breast feeding pillow made life much, much easier. Initially, I thought that I could simply use pillows that I already had. It was amazing the difference that a pillow designed for breast feeding. I purchased a Boppy Pillow. Partially because this one is the one I read about most often in my research, and partially because they are sold at Target, and I had a gift certificate. I LOVE the boppy. It holds Xander in exactly the right position for me, and I don’t have to put in much effort. Since his body is supported by the pillow, it frees up a hand for me to read, drink a glass of water, etc. I also use the boppy when I’m just holding the baby. I chose to buy the original boppy instead of the “naked boppy” because it was cheaper. I learned since then that I should have invested in the “naked boppy” and purchased a cover for it, as Xander has leaked through his clothes and onto the boppy. Instead of cleaning the whole pillow, I could have simply cleaned the cover. I guess I’ll know for next time. The other plus to the boppy is that I can take it with me, so if I need to nurse someplace other than my house, I don’t have to seek out pillows and an appropriate chair and space, I simply need a quiet room, and I can sit pretty much anywhere. I would highly recommend that any mother planning on nursing purchase a nursing pillow.

Finally, the nurses in the hospital gave me some ComfortGel Hydrogel Pads from Ameda. They are reusable for 5-7 days, and work best if kept cool (in the refrigerator). I wore these gel pads 24 hours a day for the first week and then some (I wore out the pads!) These pads did wonders in soothing my sore nipples. If you can’t get samples from your hospital like I did, you can purchase them at the Ameda site. They cost $28.75 for 4 pads. I also found some disposable breast pads from Lansinoh. These pads have lanolin in them, which is also nice for limiting dryness and cracking. At Target, you can get 60 pads for $7.79, which I thought was a pretty good deal.

So the nursing challenge continues. Some days are easier than others. I am glad that I can provide for my child this way, and I do enjoy the bonding time. I also enjoy the fact that I’m not spending $1,800.00 in formula each year. However, I think once I’m done nursing, I won’t miss it either.

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After waiting a long, long time to become one, I am finally a parent. It’s a huge responsibility, scary at times, but also exhilirating. I’m not a fan of trying to get my son to sleep for hours at 4:30 am, and poopie diapers aren’t exactly exciting. But, snuggling on the couch with this tiny, warm person who curls up and snuggles into your shoulder makes up for all the irritating time. I love his size and his age, but I’m also excited to watch him grow and develop. As probably every silly first-time parent does, I get excited when he wiggles his head around, as a sign that his neck is getting stronger and he is starting to develop more control over his muscles. Even though I should limit our interaction at nighttime feedings more, I can’t help but stare into his eyes when he’s awake, to give him more opportunity to look at my face and hopefully recognize it. Being a parent certainly has its ups and downs, and I’m sure I will write about many of the trials and joys here, but every moment it worth it!

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