Being Sara

As most of my friends know, one of my hobbies is crocheting. I have a hard time sitting still while watching television, so most evenings I like to crochet while relaxing on the couch. Zach has suggested on several occasions that I should blog my favorite crochet patterns. So, as I find patterns that I like, I’ll post them here. Recently, I’ve been getting patterns from Crochet Patterns Central. I’ve been into doilies lately, so you’ll likely find links to doily patterns here for a while…

- Cotillion
- Baroque Inspiration
- Autumn Reflections
- Corner Etagere
- Blooming Bullions
- Passion Flower
- Winter’s First Snow
- Net Stitch Flower
- Bobbles
- Dainty Doily

crochet, thread crochet, patterns, doily, crafts

My friend Shannon just turned me onto a new website called Post Secret. The Post Secret people collect post cards with people’s deepest, darkest secrets and then post these, anonymously, on their site. Every Monday morning they post a new collection of secrets. Some are funny, other’s are a bit scary, but all are quite interesting. If you’re interested in sending in a secret, there are some tips about how to get your secret posted at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!

post secret, secrets

Attorney Paula Werme warns parents to watch out for the “neglect charge” on her Tips and Tricks page. What the heck is she talking about? Well, in the State of New Hampshire, our Child Protection Statute, RSA 169-c, allows for two avenues, abuse or neglect. Abuse can be a little more black and white - there are four different types of abuse listed in the current law: Sexual abuse, Intentionally physically injured, Psychologically injured and Physically injured by other than accidental means. I think that sexual abuse and intentional physical abuse are fairly straight forward. psychologically injured is sometimes more difficult to prove, and physically injured by other than accidental means simply means that while you might not have intended to send your son to the hospital when you kicked him with a steel toed boot, he did end up with injuries.

Now that we have an understanding of abuse, lets move on to neglect. Our law states that a child has been neglected if one of three things happen: (1) they have been abandoned, (2) they are “without proper parental care or control… necessary for their physical, mental or emotional health, and when it is established that their health has suffered or is very likely to suffer serious impairment, and this deprivation is not due primarily to lack of financial means” or (3) their parent is “unable to discharge their responsibilities because of incarceration, hospitalization or other physical or mental incapacity”. So what does this mean? Well, it means if the child was abandoned, even for one night, then this law says the parent is at fault. If the child’s health “has suffered or is likely to suffer serious impairment”, then the parent is at fault. Finally, if the parent is in prison, hospitalized, or has some other incapacity, and have not made arrangements for their child, then they are at fault.

So, Attorney Werme warns parents to be aware of the “neglect charge”. For example, DCYF might receive a report stating that a father has sexually abused his 6 year old daughter. DCYF would first look to this girl’s mother to protect her from future abuse. We generally ask that the alleged victim not have contact with the alleged perpetrator until we are able to interview the child (usually the same day, or the following day). If our investigation turns up evidence that this allegation might be true, then we would ask this girl’s mother to continue protecting her daughter. If this mother refused to believe these allegations, if she chose to believe her husband or boyfriend over her daughter, then DCYF would be forced to take action against this mother. Why? Because this mother would have placed her daughter into a situation where she might be sexually abused again. Under New Hampshire State Law, this would cause the little girl to be “without proper parental care and control”.

Do we always file neglect charges against a parent who has not committed any abuse? Most definitely no. We follow the letter of the law - if our laws say that a parent has neglected their child, then we bring this information to Court and allow a Justice to make the decision. If a parent protects their child, (meaning they provide their child with “proper parental care and control”) then we do not file charges against that parent. However, if DCYF is able to prove that there is a potentially dangerous environment for a child, we trust that child’s parent(s) to protect him or her. If they choose not to protect their child, then the law is designed so that DCYF can step in and do the protecting.

child protection, neglect, DCYF, Paula Werme, child abuse, child neglect

I don’t think I’m alone when I run in to a “red tape” situation and want to pull my hair out, am I? I work for the State Government, so I see my fair share. My state, in all it’s wisdom, has decided that each person they employ should have one function, and only one function. So, when something needs to be done, we need to fill out forms, set up meetings, and then find the one person who is paid to do the thing that needs to be done, and schedule a time for that person to finally complete the task. I hate that when an organization (such as a government) gets so big that they have to begin compartmentalizing each and every action. I understand the need for experts, but why can’t we make use of people who are available and maybe not experts, but knoweldgeable enough? Where did this rant come from? Well, my office is moving soon. In order for my office to move, we have to first set up a meeting with the office manager to plan everything - this might include an initial meeting with the office superviser, and then a walk through of the office to plan everything out, and then maybe another meeting to schedule the official “move day”. Then, the office manager has to fill out a form to get the furniture moved, and another form to get the computer equipment moved. Finally, on “move day”, strange men will come into my office, pick up my things, and walk them ten feet down the hall. Even though I promised not to throw out my back while moving my computer monitor, they absolutely refused to allow me to move anything by myself. I could pack, move and unpack my office again in the time it takes the powers that be to schedule a meeting to talk about the move. This isn’t the only example of insane red tape, it just happens to be the one that has driven me past my patience level today. I want to know how long you have to work for a government agency before you start bringing this stuff home - scheduling meetings with your kids to plan what to pack for lunch the next day, requiring your husband to fill out a request form when he wants to buy a newspaper, etc. How can people think this is an effective use of anyone’s time? Our State is supposedly having a budget crisis. I think if we stopped paying one person to hold nails, and one person to hold the hammer, then we might actually save some money.

office moves, red tape, government delay, office frustration, office rant

Attorney Werme’s second claim on her Tricks of the Trade page is that DCYF “preys” on families with young children who are “struggling to keep up with the costs of raising a family on a small income”. Attorney Werme is half correct. DCYF does receive quite a few referrals to meet lower income families. There could be dozens reasons for this. I suspect that one of the biggest reasons DCYF receives more referrals for lower income families is because lower income families tend to receive assistance from more community resources. For example, an 18 year old mother of three, who is currently living with the youngest child’s father, could be receiving housing assistance, that might include a weekly home inspection, day care assistance, that might include a weekly home visit with the children, health care assistance, that might include a weekly visit from the Visiting Nurses Association, and maybe this young mother accepts assistance from a food pantry or church, and perhaps attends a play group put on by the local community once a week. This mother could have six or eight different professionals in and out of her home every week. This means that there are six to eight more professionals who are mandated by law, and by their jobs to report any of their concerns. Further, all of these professionals work closely with DCYF when they have families in common. They know that a large part of DCYF’s job is to refer families to resources, and sometimes ask the local County to assist a family in paying for a service. This is a sometimes unfortunate by-product of the system that we have created - families who need assistance recieve it, but in doing so, they open their lives to professionals who might have concerns about their children’s safety.

The other unfortunate part of the system is that lower income families tend to cycle. I mean that a mother who gets pregnant at 15, then again at 17, then again at 18, and maybe again at 19 tends to be more likely to produce children who will get pregnant at younger ages. This is a societal problem, nothing that DCYF has created, but something that DCYF does have to deal with on a regular basis. Upper income families tend to have fewer children in this predicament. I am not a sociologist, and I am not going to attempt to explain the reasoning behind this - I am simply speaking to my own professional observations. Younger families do sometimes have more challenges, learing how to grow up themselves while raising children - it doesn’t always work well.

While Attorney Werme would like you to believe that we “prey” on young, lower income families, she is incorrect. First of all, DCYF has no control over who might call in a concern. Second of all, Attorney Werme does not work for DCYF, and cannot know all of the families that we have contact with. In my time with DCYF, I have met families from every income bracket. I have spent time in apartments that are partially paid for with assistance from the State, and I have spent time in multi-million dollar homes. I have interviewed children in public schools, and in private schools. I have talked to kids who cry because they believe that their mommy doesn’t love them, and to kids who cry because their daddy made them clean their room for the week that the maid had off. Just because we see lower income families does not mean that we ignore upper income families. We may have fewer opportunities to really know what goes on in their homes sometimes, but it does not mean that we do not strive to make sure children are safe, whatever their income bracket.

Paula Werme, Werme, low income, DCYF, division for children youth & families, child protection,