As we all know, divorce seems to have become an epidemic in this country. Like many people, I assumed that the divorce rate was hovering around 50% of all the married couples in the United States. A few quick google searches turned up some more accurate data, though it is much more convoluted. DivorceReform.org lists the divorce rate, last calculated in May of 2005 at being 0.38% divorces per capita per year. 38% is much different than 50%. But, I wondered how accurate their numbers were.
ReligiousTolerance.org reports that 11% of the adult population is currently divorced. The go on to say that 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime. This group got their information from the Barna Research Group, among others. The Barna Group interviewed 3,854 adults from the 48 contiguous states. Their sampling error is within 2 percentage points (which is pretty good). If we can trust Barna’s numbers, then the divorce rate is looking much less like an epidemic than the media would like us to think.
Divorce Magazine lists statistics on everything from the number of unmarried couples living together to the state with the lowest divorce rate in 1997 (Massachusetts).
I think Divorce Magazine’s most interesting statistic says that as of 1997, there were 1 million children in new divorces each year. Now, this is the reason for my current frustration. Whether or not these statistics are accurate, I don’t think anyone can know unless they interview every single adult in the United States. However, I can tell you from personal experience that as a child protection worker, I generally receive at least three referrals each month that are essentially custody battles. These referrals mean that I am required to investigate allegations made regarding a child’s safety. My investigations generally include meeting all of the family members, and talking to other individuals or agencies who might be able to shed some light on the situation. If you extrapollate that out, I see approximately 36 families each year who are fighting over their children. I am only one of five workes in my office, so if each of them has a similar caseload, then together we see approximately 180 families every year. Our office is one of 12 in the state, and we are not the largest. I think that the divorce statistics fail to take into account the number of couples who are never married and split up, or the number of couples who are never together, but for one reason or another, one of the parents suddenly decides to take an interest in a child they have never met.
More often than not, these unsampled couples or non-couples (parents who were never together) are the ones I see. Generally, one parent, or family member calls the Central Intake Office, where all reports for child safety are called in. In the state of New Hampshire, every citizen is labeled a “mandated reporter”. This means that anyone with any concerns for a child’s safety is required to call 1-800-894-5533 and report their concerns. So, angry families often attempt to use the Division for Children Youth and Families (a.k.a. DCYF) as a tool to get back at their estranged significant other. DCYF is not allowed to get involved in custody matters. This means that as long as a child is safe, we cannot say where the child should be. This job is generally reserved for a Guardian Ad Litem – a trained professional, often an attorney, who is supposed to advise the Court on the child’s best interests. However, if you are a parent fighting for custody of your kid, and you know that you’ve got a hearing coming up next week, calling DCYF to say that your former significant other is somehow harming your kid means that when you go into Court next week, you can report that DCYF is investigating the other side, which in your mind, makes you think that this will somehow make the other side look less credible and you look more credible. Sadly, this sometimes works. There are instances when the information provided turns out to be true. However, most often, this just means that yet another over-burdened social worker has to attend yet another series of Court hearings, and submit reports to yet another Court.
Sometimes the more over zealous families will involve police departments as well. These parents will bring their children to any department that will listen to them. Often, this happens on a weekend, when DCYF is unable to assist (DCYF workers are only allowed to work Monday-Friday. On weekends there is an phone assistance availble to police departments, but it can only be used when they need to place children in an emergency situation). In these cases, Officers interview, and sometimes examine kids bodies. I don’t know about you, but when I was four, I didn’t think a fun day with Daddy included a trip to the local police station where they would strip me down and examine me for bruises. After this happens, the Police Department is required to pass this information on to DCYF, who then has to conduct their own investigation, which often includes interviewing the child (again) and sometimes examining them for bruises (again).
The title of this rant is Victims of Custody Battles. We all know that kids are victims in more ways than one. While it is never their fault that their parents could not get along, they are usually the ones left with the most emotional scars. The unlucky kids get dragged through a DCYF investigation, and the really unlucky kids get dragged through two, three, sometimes six times. However, the kids are not the only victims. Police Departments get sucked into this quagmire on a regular basis as well. Depending on the department, and the amount of staff, this is a burden that can be difficult to bear. As for me, well, I’m already an overburdened state employee. I’ve currently got 32 kids on my caseload, and it’s been a slow two months (summer time means fewer schools calling in reports). Every time some parent or family member makes an accusation that is either blown completely out of proportion, or simply a complete fantasy, I am required to investigate. This means I have to set aside time to interview the child or children, and the parents (and parents in custody battles have a great deal to say), as well as police departments, if they were involved, Guardian Ad Litems (GAL’s), therapists, pediatricians, and anyone else who might be able to tell me how the kids are doing with each parent. Then I have to document all of this information, make referrals to the family, and often prepare a report for whatever Court is hearing the custody matters. If I’m really unlucky, I’ll have to attend the Court hearing as well. I would estimate that this takes approximately 10 hours to complete an entire investigation – that is, if I can actually speak with the people I’m trying to reach on the first try, which rarely happens. My frustration is that there are children on my caseload who desperately need my attention – who really are abused or neglected, whose families really do need my help. However, my attention is diverted from those families when I have to spend days working with a family whose biggest problem is that they don’t like each other anymore. These kids need help too, but not from me. What they need is for their parents to get over themselves. They need their parents to stop thinking about their own insecurities and hurt feelings, and remember that there is someone more important in their lives – their kids.
So, how do we solve this problem? I don’t think we can. People are always going to split up. Kids are always going to be casualties of this. However, I think we can do something to slow the emotional scarring. First of all, parents are generally required to attend a Child Impact Seminar when they are going through a custody case in Court. This means they have to pay $50, and attend a two part seminar. The seminar talks about the effects of a divorce on kids, and tries to stress that kids should not be present for adult conversations, etc. Most of it is common sense material that we usually forget to think about. Many parents fail to complete this, but there is very little ramification for them if they do not, depending on the Judge. I think that the legislature needs to give the Courts more power to influence parents to comply with Court Orders. I would like to see parents held in contempt, and spend a few hours in a jail cell, and have to pay a significant fine for every Order they fail to comply with. I would also like to see parents have to spend more than a few hours hearing about how their divorce is going to impact their kids. I would like to see the kids spend some time with a therapist – an evaluation of sorts, to make sure that they are handling the split ok. It would also provide the kids an outlet for them to tell their parents how they feel about what is going on, without their parents dismissing them. Finally, I would like to see some sort of restrictions or filters on what gets through to DCYF. I am happy to investigate any child’s safety, but I get frustrated when the allegations turn out to have not even a single shred of truth to them. I would like to see the Courts employ their own assessment worker to investigate these claims. They have GAL’s who speak to a child’s best interest, but their function is not quite the same as assessing a child’s safety. Perhaps if each Court paid for one assessment worker, whose function was solely to assess families in custody cases, then the rest of the over burdened workers could focus their time on families who actually need their attention. Divorced families cut a wide swath of hate and discontent and this is spilling over, and not just affecting the family, but affecting local agencies (police departments and DCYF) as well as innocent bystanders, families who actually need assistance from the police and DCYF. This is certainly a sad and frustrating state of affairs that could be eased by a few adjustments by our legislature.
divorce, DCYF, child protection, child vitcims,
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