Being Sara http://beingsara.com Mon, 02 Apr 2012 20:13:28 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 … http://beingsara.com/story/908/ http://beingsara.com/story/908/#comments Mon, 02 Apr 2012 20:13:28 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=908 My mom died.  On March 22nd we said our final goodbyes to her, and then an hour later she was gone.  On February 22nd she  made a trip to the ER having trouble breathing.  She refused to let me visit her on that first trip to the hospital, where they kept her for 4 days.  After that, she was sent home on oxygen and other medications and set up follow up appointments with her primary care doctor.  She was diagnosed with lung cancer, and the day before she died I learned that they had classified it as stage 3B adenocarcinoma.  It might have been stage 4, but they were never able to complete the tests.  Two days before she died she had a relatively major stroke and lost the ability to speak.  With that, we lost our primary channel of communication with her.  The following day her conditioned worsened, and with a team of five doctors we determined that in the likely event that she required intubation, we and she did not want that (particularly knowing that they’d never be able to extubate her in the future).  By the next day, we all realized that she was never going to recover.  I sobbed as I tried to figure out how a person says goodbye to their 60 year old mother.  But, I pulled myself together, and with tears in my eyes told her that I loved her, I would miss her, and thanked her for teaching me how to be a good mom to my children.

It was too soon, and too fast, and it hurt so much.  This past weekend we held the funeral and wake.  There were so many people – and it was impressive to see how many people loved and respected her.  It was hard to watch others mourn her passing.  60 was too young.  She was still healthy and working full time up until that day she first visited the hospital.

Now we are trying to figure out our new normal.  So many things in our lives revolved around her.  Especially holidays.  She was the one who coordinated events, cooked for them, and prepped surprises for the kids.  This Sunday will be our first family event without her.  I cannot do holidays the way she did, and my simple attempts seem to be falling short.  But, I will go through the motions, because I have so many happy holiday memories from my childhood, and I want to give my children similar memories for their childhoods as well.

I have no words of wisdom, and I’m sure my sad feelings are very similar to many others out there.  Death sucks.  It hurts, and it’s hard and I’m sad.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/908/feed/ 2 Nana Camp! http://beingsara.com/story/nana-camp/ http://beingsara.com/story/nana-camp/#comments Sat, 25 Feb 2012 12:00:28 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=903 This guy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gets to spend his vacation week at Nana’s house.  He is so excited.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/nana-camp/feed/ 0 The First Broken Bone… http://beingsara.com/story/the-first-broken-bone/ http://beingsara.com/story/the-first-broken-bone/#comments Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:48:43 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=898

A few hours after the accident

Last Tuesday was Valentine’s Day.  I was in the mood for a little celebration.  We put up a few decorations, got a few games for the kids and a few chocolates too.  I planned a dinner I knew everyone would enjoy and bought my husband a nice gift.  I planned on having a nice, happy day.

About 12:30 I got a call from the school nurse.  Xander had fallen on the playground and I needed to come pick him up.  I could hear Xander crying in the background.  I felt bad for my sad little guy, but didn’t quite understand how a playground fall necessitated going home from school.  When I got the call, I was returning to my office with food in my hand.  I turned around and walked back out, still with food in my hand (planning to eat it on the way to the school).  Instead of inhaling my lunch in the car, I spent that time on the phone with Zach and my office making sure everyone knew where I was, and that everything I had dropped that afternoon would be covered.

When I arrived at school I found my son bleeding from his face – his nose, his lips, his chin.  He was still sobbing.  His jacket, snow pants, hat and mittens were covered in blood and bagged up for us.  The nurse showed me two red lines along his upper gum line that appeared to be bruises.  She was concerned that there may be damage to his adult teeth and that I might want to call our dentist.  Apparently Xander was climbing on the jungle gym, and was worried about jumping from up high, and then fell as he tried to climb down – his face landing squarely on the ice.

I bundled this bloody mess up and put him into my car.  Then I took a picture and texted Zach.  I tend to over-react to these sorts of situations – wanting to get a medical professional’s opinion.  Zach tends to be more level headed and take the ‘wait and see’ approach.  We stopped by my office so I could close things up for the afternoon.  Zach sat in the car with Xander while I went inside, and when I got back out, he thought we should see a doctor, which just confirmed my concerns.  Unfortunately, it was 12:40 and our doctor’s office closes from 12pm-1pm for lunch.  The dentist was closed from 11:30am-1pm for lunch as well.  So, I took Xander to the ER.

Thankfully, it was relatively quiet at our ER, and a sobbing 5 year old bleeding from his face got us pretty quick service.  Unfortunately, we had to explain Xander’s injury to the triage nurse, then the the ER nurse, then to the ER PA, and when she couldn’t give me a definitive answer on whether or not we should have an x-ray, we finally consulted with an ER doctor.  Two hours after we arrived, we visited radiology and Xander had his first x-rays done.  The technicians were very sweet with him – one of the women put on an apron and stood with him while taking the x-rays (they made me wait around the corner), and let us check out the pictures when they were done.

Xander did pretty well through this whole process.  His face hurt, and before the fall he already had a cold, and his nose bled and ran for hours.  He was great with the x-ray technicians, and relatively patient with the parade of people coming in to check out his injuries, but he cried more every time someone lifted up his lip to see the giant cut under it.  Every time he cried, his nose ran more, and bled more – it was a mess.

The triage nurse took pity on us when we returned from radiology and she found out neither of us had eaten lunch (it was almost 2pm) and brought us some egg salad sandwiches.  Xander of course couldn’t really eat much, he tried to eat the sandwich and attempted the ice cream, but didn’t really eat much of that either.  Finally, almost three hours after we arrived, we left.  The initial conclusion was scrapes and bruises but no breaks.  We were told to keep things clean, give him something for the pain (Tylenol or Advil) and elevate him to sleep to keep some of the swelling down.

For a few days, he was a mess – everything was swollen and sore.  He ate only liquids or soft things (tomato soup, jello, applesauce, yogurt, etc.) for about three days.  This past weekend finally the swelling started to go down.  His bruises have started to turn yellow and he was able to eat mostly normal food again.

Monday the radiologist called.  They only call if they find an abnormality when reviewing the scans.  I’m surprised it took them nearly a week to get around to reviewing our scans, but apparently Xander’s nose is indeed broken.  They don’t do anything for broken noses unless it needs some sort of cosmetic adjustment.

So at the tender age of 5 years and 5 months my son christened us into the world of x-rays and broken bones.  Since we have two sons, and Xander is by far the more cautious of the two, I am certain that this will not be the last broken bone in our little family.  Thankfully this time no casts or further intervention is required, so I guess I should be grateful that our first broken bone was a relatively simple process…

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/the-first-broken-bone/feed/ 0 This is why doctor offices irritate me: http://beingsara.com/story/this-is-why-doctor-offices-irritate-me/ http://beingsara.com/story/this-is-why-doctor-offices-irritate-me/#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:58:49 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=895 I received a letter in the mail yesterday that looks like this:

January 27, 2012

To the Parents/Guardian of:

Alexander

(address here)

We’re sorry we missed you!

Your provider, Dr. So-and-so, has asked us to schedule an appointment for you with the Ophthalmology Department at Dartmouth-Hitchcock in Lebanon, New Hampshire.

We’ve left several messages for you at the phone number we were given, but we haven’t heard from you.  Now we think you may not want this appointment, so we won’t try calling you again.

However, if you would like an appointment after all, please call us at —– weekdays between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., and any of our schedulers can help you.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

The Staff of the Connection Center

sal

CC: Joe So-and-so, MD

______________________________________________________________________________________

So, I put the following letter into the mail this morning:

February 2, 2012

Dear Staff of the Connection Center,

My provider, Dr. So-and-so asked you to schedule an appointment for my son, Alexander with the Opthalmology Department at Dartmouth-Hitchcock in Lebanon, New Hampshire.  You left me several messages.

I did not return your phone calls.  To be more specific, I called you four times.  My son Alexander had his 5th year annual exam on Monday, September 26th.  The following day Dr. So-and-so made the referral for Xander to your office.  On Wednesday, September 28th, I called your office to confirm that you had received the referral.  The office assistant informed me that you had received the referral, but that the calendar had not yet ‘opened up’ to book the appointment and I would likely hear from you next month.

So I waited.  On October 26th, I called again.  The office assistant informed me that the calendar had not yet ‘opened up’ and that they had just finished booking the referrals from August, so I should hear back from your office next month.

So I waited some more.  On November 16th, I called your office again.  Once again, the office assistant informed me that the calendar had not yet ‘opened up ‘ for January, but I should hear from someone soon.

So I waited some more.  On December 15th, I called again.  This time the office assistant I spoke with was new.  She was not familiar with the referral process, but offered to transfer me to another office assistant who was apparently at lunch, but she assured me I would receive a call back that afternoon.

On Wednesday, December 21st, I still had not received a return phone call.  So to review, I called your office once a month for four months.  Each time, I was told the calendar was not yet ‘open’.  Finally, after the fourth month, I felt a little silly.  My son is in a full day kindergarten program.  He is active and busy all day every day.  If his vision was a problem, I decided I could no longer wait for a calendar to open up.  I called Dr. So-and-so’s office and asked for a new referral.  One of the nurses gave me some names and numbers of a few offices in the area.  I called a local optometrist and booked an appointment for the very next day.

Dr. Eyes was wonderful with Xander.  I could not have been more pleased with the exam and the service we received through his office.  Ultimately I decided my son’s needs were better met by someone who could actually take the time to see him.  Your office blew me off for four months before finally getting around to calling me.  Dr. Eyes’ office scheduled an appointment for my son the day after I called.  It turns out Xander’s vision is 20/30.  Nothing to worry about this year, and we will return to Dr. Eyes’ office again next year for a follow up.

I appreciate your note, but I definitely do not need your assistance and will not be calling to set up an appointment.

Sincerely,

Sara
The Parent/Guardian of: Alexander

CC: Joe So-and-so, MD

 

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/this-is-why-doctor-offices-irritate-me/feed/ 2 Captain Squish http://beingsara.com/story/captain-squish/ http://beingsara.com/story/captain-squish/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:59:52 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=889 This kid cracks me up.  He has so many plans and ideas.  He hardly ever slows down, and the only time he stops talking is when he is sleeping.  This morning at 6am he crawled into bed next to me.  He tossed and turned and wiggled until I threatened to kick him out of bed.  I explained to him that his brother was also in the bed with me, and that the youngest member of our family had been awake from 3am until 5:30am and the little one and I really needed to squeeze in as much rest as possible.  Xander was quiet for about 30 seconds before asking me ‘Mommy, how are babies made?’  After 3 hours of sleep at 6am, I wasn’t really prepared for that discussion.  I told him it was time to see what his dad was doing on the couch and sent him away.  He didn’t seem to recall the conversation later because he hasn’t asked me again.  I wonder how much time I bought myself?  Has anyone else broached this subject with their five year old yet?  I very clearly remember an older girl at day care telling me all about the birds and the bees in graphic detail when I was five.  Is it time to start talking about these scary subject already??

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/captain-squish/feed/ 1 Christmas 2011 – Busy but awesome http://beingsara.com/story/christmas-2011-busy-but-awesome/ http://beingsara.com/story/christmas-2011-busy-but-awesome/#comments Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:04:12 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=885 The Christmas frenzy sort of snuck up on me this year.  Before I knew it I was staying up until midnight almost every night wrapping presents, starching or mailing 90+ Christmas cards or baking upwards of 26 dozen cookies.  The work never seemed to end, and in my neurotically, type-A, must-have-a-schedule-for-everything way, I actually emailed my family a detailed agenda of who would be where and when for Christmas this year.

I worked my butt of and despite an unexpected snow day school cancellation I managed to get Zach half a day home on his own for his birthday.  We met up with his family for lunch at Chili’s and then Nana and Grandpa took the boys for the night.  Zach and I saw Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that evening (Great book and movie and on a funny side note, when I told Xander the title of the movie we were seeing his only question was ‘what color is the tattoo?’)

It turns out having the boys out of the house on the 23rd was awesome.  We got home early enough to clean and do Christmas preparation (stuff stockings, build toys, set out presents, etc.)  So on the 24th, we had very little to do before heading out to get the boys and get our Christmas on.  We spent the 24th with my family and had a great time – with plenty of time built in the play with the boys and their new toys.  We finally arrived home at 10pm on the 24th, but didn’t have to do all the Christmas prep (yay!)

The boys slept until 7:30 on Christmas day (win!) and celebrated the occasion with all of the excitement and joy that we all love to see from small children.  We opened our stockings and had some breakfast drinks (coffee/tea for adults, milk for kids) before Nana and Grandpa arrived.  Then we got down to some serious unwrapping.  That lasted us nearly two hours, and the house was filled with toys and discarded wrapping paper.  Some quick clean up and lunch, and then the cousins and aunt/uncle arrived.

Our 4th Christmas in two days commenced and the wrapping paper flew again.  We picked up and played and drank tea and ate and visited well into the evening.  That night we all collapsed, exhausted but thoroughly satisfied with the day.

The 26th we relaxed a bit before heading out to a princess birthday party.  I realized that I am the mother of two boys, and my idea of an ideal princess party these days is to invite the brother of the birthday girl over to my house to play with dinosaurs or toy guns.  But, the birthday girl had a wonderful time, and that was the important part.

I don’t think we got out of our pajamas on the 27th, but we did clean the house a bit in preparation of the 28th.  On Wednesday the family came back up to the house for Parker’s birthday breakfast.  Our house is big, but it turns out we really need a table that can fit 14 people+ people.  Thankfully, we all like each other, and getting cozy wasn’t a problem.

More relaxation, and then we spent a night with Nana and Grandpa so that on the 30th the girls (Mother-in-law, sister-in-law and two nieces) could make a trip to the Yankee Candle Factory.  We left about 10am, and spent the day browsing candles at both Yankee and Kringle factories.  The girls (12 and 13 now) talked us into going to the Deerfield mall ‘on the way back’.  Oh man were my feet sore by the time we left (I was so happy to find $5 fake Uggs at the Christmas Tree Shop!) but we had lots of fun without the boys for the day.  It was late when we arrived home, so we stayed another night with Nana and Grandpa.

New Year’s was a quiet event this year.  We spent a few hours at a friend’s house, visiting, and trying to keep the boys from destroying his place.  About 9pm we went home, and after tucking the boys into bed, rang in the New Year watching Friday Night Lights and playing The Old Republic (depending on your perspective).

Amazingly, the boys got along pretty well the whole week.  Zach and I had fun playing with them, and managed to get in some good quality time with each boy.  And when vacation was done, I was actually sad to return to work and not be home playing with the boys anymore.  So that was Christmas.  It was busy, and exhausting and kind of expensive, and fun, and silly, and happy and overall wonderful.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/christmas-2011-busy-but-awesome/feed/ 0 Where to begin? http://beingsara.com/story/where-to-begin/ http://beingsara.com/story/where-to-begin/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:32:18 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/story/where-to-begin/ I can’t even remember the last time I posted something here. There are plenty of reasons – the same as many stale blogs, lack of inspiration, time and eventually guilt from being silent for so long. I’d like to get back into the swing of regular posts and the start of a new year seems like as good a time as any to make that attempt.

So, to recap, it was a busy year. Xander started kindergarten. Parker moved into the purple room at day care. We attempted potty training for about three months (the dryer was broken for two of those months. The word hellish comes to mind when I think back on it) but eventually decided to take a break when we reached a stalemate – he was fine with peeing in his pants as long as we changed him after. I was not fine with that arrangement. Parker turned three last week (the fact that my baby is now three could be an entirely separate post). Xander is learning to read which is super exciting for us. I’ve been at my current job for over a year now. I continue to love the day to day work and the interaction with college students but regularly the higher level politics provides new challenges and headaches that I long to ignore.

Parker has gotten into the habit of being my cheerleader. If I kill a bug for him or do well in a game we are playing he’ll tell me ‘good job mom!’ he also calls us mom and dad more than mommy and daddy lately. It sounds cute with his little voice but is slightly disconcerting.

We had a wonderful Christmas filled with friends and family and lots of time to play with the boys. On our last day of vacation we were lounging in our pajamas and watching Toy Story 3. In the beginning of the movie there are several flashbacks to the boy, Andy playing with his toys. Shortly into the montage, Xander pipes up and says ‘hey, he has all of the toy story toys’ after Zach and I stopped giggling we reminded him that we were actually watching toy story the movie… Kids… ;-)

So, we’re good. Looking forward to all that 2012 has in store, and hopefully finding time to blog again.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/where-to-begin/feed/ 0 My High and Low Kid http://beingsara.com/story/my-high-and-low-kid/ http://beingsara.com/story/my-high-and-low-kid/#comments Wed, 05 Oct 2011 19:09:33 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=881 My first kid was pretty even tempered.  Sure he had his moments, but he is pretty much the same relatively happy kid all the time.  Parker on the other hand, is my high and low kid.  He certainly makes things interesting!

High: Spontaneous ‘I love you Mama’

Low: Pulling out the 6th and last pair of clean underwear and pants for the day during potty training (and yes, the dryer has been broken for over a month…)

High: Excited exclamation from the back seat as Zach is driving past a speed reader “39! Mama, that’s 39!” (yep, the number on the reader was 39 – no clue how that happened…)

Low: Ear piercing screeching in public places while spread flat on his stomach (i.e. Olive Garden, Boston Museum of Science, etc…)

High: Happily playing with his brother for nearly an hour!

Low: REFUSING to let anyone except Mama comfort him (which is simultaneously sweet, but sad because this ‘phase’ has been lasting for over a year now…)

High: Getting closer to potty trained!

Low: Still going through 1-2 pair of underwear and pants every day (the shoes are slightly more problematic)

High: The mimicking is just so adorable ‘Have good dreams Parker’; ‘Have good dreams Mama’

Low: He figured out how to properly use the word nuts. ‘You drive me nuts Mama’ or (loud Parker sigh) ‘Them dinosaurs drive me nuts Xander’ (yep, it’s really tough to keep a straight face when he says this stuff)

High: Regardless of the day I’ve had, or the day he’s had, when I walk in the door at day care I am always greeted with a running hug and the biggest smile ever.  Hand’s down one of the best parts of my day (who doesn’t love it when someone is happy to see you?)

He’s my high/low kid.  The highs totally make the lows worth it and I wouldn’t want him to be any other way.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/my-high-and-low-kid/feed/ 1 Conflicting Feelings http://beingsara.com/story/conflicting-feelings/ http://beingsara.com/story/conflicting-feelings/#comments Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:26:33 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=876 I like to sleep.  I sleep pretty well when I don’t have small children climbing into my bed in the middle of the night.  I also like to eat foods that my kids don’t yet find appetizing.  I like to go out to dinner and a movie with my husband.  I like to close the door to the bathroom and keep it closed the whole time I’m in there.  I like it when my house stays picked up for more than an evening.  Sometimes I miss the days of sleeping in and eating what I wanted and the freedom to do things on my own schedule.  Sometimes I look forward to the days when my children will be self sufficient.  When they will be old enough to stay home alone, or to the days after they have moved out of our house and I find free time again.

The other day I told Xander when he was older he wouldn’t want to hang out with me, he’d choose to hang out with his friends instead.  Xander giggled, smiled and told me he’d always want to spend time with me because he loves me (duh Mom).

And then, things like this happen.  And last night when Xander crawled into my bed at 11:30pm saying he’d had a bad dream, I didn’t send him back to his bed.  I wrapped my arms around him and held him for the rest of the night.

When I drag my exhausted body out of bed at 5am so I’ll have enough time to make lunches and breakfasts and find clothes for everyone it feels like these days will never end, but I remember that soon enough I’ll be trying to drag my boys out of bed and frowning at the piles of smelly laundry on their floors.  I will think back to all of those nights where I held a sleeping child in my arms and miss the days that I sacrificed sleep or privacy or sanity for my babies.

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]]> http://beingsara.com/story/conflicting-feelings/feed/ 1 He Never Looked Back http://beingsara.com/story/he-never-looked-back/ http://beingsara.com/story/he-never-looked-back/#comments Wed, 31 Aug 2011 01:18:12 +0000 Sara http://beingsara.com/?p=871

He never looked back

Today was Xander’s first day of kindergarten.  We were prepared.  We’d been to the open house, we’d toured and visited the school and had endless conversations with Xander about what to expect.  We had plans for before and after school.  Supplies were purchased, clothes were ironed, backpacks were packed, forms were completed.  Last night near midnight though, I couldn’t stop the tears.  My baby was going to get on a bus, go to a school where I do not know every child and every adult.  He was going to spend his day with these people who barely knew him, and couldn’t possibly be prepared for his shyness.  And I was sure his shyness would prevent him from making friends, or from letting his teacher see how smart he truly is.

But, as I should have learned by now, my kids continue to surprise me.  Adding to my regular dose of motherhood guilt, I could not drop off or pick up Xander on his first day.  Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene threw off all of our plans, so PSU student move-in day landed on the same day as kindergarten started.

So, we jumped right into the regular routine.  Zach took the boys to the bus stop, and waited with Xander.  Parker was seriously unimpressed that Xander not only got to ride the school bus and he did not, but also that Xander was not walking into ‘school’ with him anymore.  After bouncing around with his backpack, lunch box and friend, the bus arrived and they both walked right on – never looking back.

It was worse than pulling teeth, but after much begging, I finally got some details out of the close-lipped kid tonight.  Riding the bus is his favorite part.  Pretty much everything else pales in comparison to that.  But, if he had to pick something he enjoyed most at school, that would be recess.  And, if he had to pick something in his classroom that he liked the most, that would be the science station.  He really wanted to play with the dinosaurs, but at free play only two kids are allowed at each station, and there were already two kids at the dinosaur station.

There were no tears and no complaints.  He met all of his friends (his whole class) though he doesn’t yet remember anyone’s name.  He has three other students who sit at his table (where his assigned seat is) but one girl is in the half day program, so she leaves early.  One boy at his table got in trouble today for yelling at another kid (but not him) and had to sit at his table for two minutes.  Rest time is nice, and Xander thinks I should ask my boss for a rest time at work.  I’m sure that will go over well.

So, Xander is clearly more ready for kindergarten than I am.  He went through the first day like it was nothing.  I’m not sure I’m ready for day two, but he can’t wait to go back (and ride the bus again of course).  Obviously not every day can be wonderful, but I am so incredibly relieve that the first day was.

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