Zach and I agreed to hold off on name negotiations until after we learned the sex of the baby.  Now that we know, we’ve started talking.  With Xander, I started looking at names by week 12.  Zach rejected everything I suggested until sometime around my 6th month, I gave up.  I think about my 8th month, he finally suggested Alexander with a nickname of Xander and that was something we both liked.  The same pattern seems to be playing itself out again.  I’ve scoured countless baby name websites and created a list of potential names.  Zach has shot down all the names I’ve suggested, and we’ve begun our name negotiation dance all over again.  I’m not sure how quickly I’ll give up this time, but as the planner in the family, I like to get these sorts of things figured out sooner rather than later.  I don’t want to be going into the hospital still debating names.

Of course, Zach is of the opinion that we should keep the name quiet until after the baby is born.  He doesn’t like the comments and faces people make when you tell them the name you picked prior to it being on a birth certificate.  People think they can still have some influence over the name before the baby is born, and some tend to spout horror stories of some person they knew with the same name, etc.  Or, they say, “you’re really going to name him that?”  I don’t disagree with the philosophy.  Though, other’s opinions of my kid’s names doesn’t bother me all that much.  If Zach prefers to keep this little detail quiet, that’s fine - I can keep the secret for a few months, and at the rate we’re going, I’ll only have to keep quiet for a few weeks

I keep explaining how these are not nice, and hurt people’s feelings, make sad faces, etc.  But it doesn’t seem to change the behavior.  I don’t think Xander is doing these things to intentionally be rude.  Usually if he tells us to eat, it’s because he’s eating, and he wants to be doing what we’re doing.  When he tells us to sit, it’s because he wants us to sit on the floor and play with him.  The “Stop Dad (or Mom)” one is the most rude, and we’re working on stopping that behavior before it gets out of hand, but I’m just surprised at how quickly he learned these phrases and their effects.

That being said, he is still a very sweet little kid - always making sure to share with us, whether it’s potato chips or a soggy piece of grilled cheese from his plate.  He’s not generally naughty, and usually listens when we ask him not to do things (though he definitely does test his boundaries on a regular basis).  Ocassionally he’ll use an unprompted “please” or “thank you” and he’ll always say it when prompted.  Just the other day he gave Zach an unprompted hug and “I love you” which I think might have been the sweetest thing in the world ;-)  I’m just not sure how to teach this little guy about manners…  Anyone have any suggestions?

• Bumbo Seat - this is a handy little invention of foamy-type plastic. Before baby is big enough to sit on their own (but after they have head/neck control) this seat is great - you can plop them in it, and then they can see and watch you, but you’ve got two hand free to fold laundry, make dinner, etc. Bumbo seats are also handy for slightly older kids because you can purchase add ons such as trays - then they’re great for things like a little light snack or lunch, etc. I didn’t learn about these cool little seats until after Xander was sitting on his own. Had I known earlier, I would have put it on a wish list for my baby shower.
• Graco Snug Ride Infant Car Seat - With Xander, we received a hand-me-down car seat. I was a little nervous about using it, but we knew the family, knew they had not been in any car accidents with that car seat, and it was still within the 5 year limit, and when I looked up the seat, there had not been any recalls on that particular brand. Since they’re expensive, we used the free one, and it worked out just fine. Unfortunately, it was made in 2001, so now it’s outside of the 5 year limit of “certified” car seats, so I’m in the market for a new one. We’ve been very happy with Xander’s Britax Decathlon seat, so I originally researched infant Britax seats. Unfortunately, Britax is quite a bit more expensive than other brands - especially for something that we’re only going to use for six months or so. From there, I moved onto the Graco site and found a similar seat for $50 less. When baby # 2 is ready for a seat that doesn’t detach from the car (I love the removable ones for infants - especially when they fall asleep!), then we’ll probably buy another Britax, but that’s about a year away from now.
• Mother-to-be Maternity Support - When I was pregnant with Xander, I discovered back pain the likes of which I have never known before. My doctors suggested a support band, but at that point, I was about 7 1/2 months pregnant, and I had a hard time justifying spending $30+ dollars for something I would only use for a moth and a half… This time around though, the back pain is starting early - I’m only 4 months, and I think I’ll buy this sooner rather than later.
• Made by Moms Pumping Band - I breastfed and pumped for the first six months with Xander. He decided then that he was done with breastfeeding, and after I got over being hurt at not being involved in the decision, I was relieved. One of the things I disliked most about pumping (aside from the eerie feeling of being a cow…) was loosing the ability to do anything but sit and hold bottles for 15-30 minutes at a time.  It was boring, and uncomfortable and I couldn’t do much to distract myself, or even scratch an itch on my face.  This time around, I’d like to have some more freedom to at least flip pages in a book - I think it’ll make the whole process a lot less tedious.
• Quick Clean Breast Pump Wipes - while we are on the subject of breast pumps, I was always struggling with how to quickly clean mine when I was done pumping - I put the parts in the dishwasher pretty much every day, but sometimes not until later in the evening, and I usually had someone else (Xander) distracting me by the time I had finished pumping.  This time around, I’ll be pumping more at work than at home, so it’ll be even more important for me to be able to clean my equipment quickly and easily.  I’m not sure why these are any better than the wipes we buy for changing diapers, but I’d like to at least try them out - even if I end up using regular wipes, that’s a heck of a lot easier than manually washing everything after every use!
• Pacifier Sanitizer - One of my biggest concerns about having a baby in January is that it’s going to be very challenging to keep our house relatively germ free.  Xander was 4 months old when he started at day care, and he had 3 ear infections in his first year.  However, in his first 4 months, we managed to keep him relatively healthy - no colds, coughs, ear infections, flu, etc.  This time around however, Xander will be in day care, and bringing home germs daily.  As he still uses a pacifier occasionally (mostly just to sleep) I can picture him whisking a pacifier out of the baby’s mouth and plopping it into his own.  Sure, I could boil that pacifier again, but that takes a while, and then takes time to cool down, etc.  I’m hoping that a pacifier sanitizer might help to minimize germ cross contamination, and if we actually find it useful, then perhaps we’ll start taking it places with us for those irritating times when babies drop their pacifiers on the public bathroom floor, etc.
• Wipes Warmer - When I had Xander, I thought this was a nice luxury item, but not something that I needed.  I still don’t think it’s absolutely necessary, but I’ve noticed that on cold mornings Xander gets quite irritated with me when I change his morning diaper.  The wipes are cold and of course uncomfortable, and he gets pretty squirmy.  Since we’re not going to need to buy tons of things for this baby (hopefully!) then maybe we can splurge for a “luxury” item for the two diapered members of the household…
• Peek-a-boo Mobile - Mobiles are expensive.  I can’t remember if I had one on my baby registry for Xander, but I didn’t end up with one before he was born.  Then he was in a bassinet and by the time my mom and sister gave us a mobile, he was almost too old to appreciate it.  He preferred to stand up and try to pull it down…  Unfortunately, I broke that mobile a few months ago when cleaning Xander’s room…  I think this time around I’d like to buy one ahead of time.  I’m also picky about the mobile I choose.  Lots of them look great when you’re looking at them, but when you stop to think about what the baby is seeing laying on his or her back, often it’s just the bottoms of those cool things spinning around.  I like this mobile because the interesting stuff is facing the baby.  It also has some fancy features such as a remote control, a night light feature, and it’ll play up to 15 minutes of music.  It requires a significant amount of battery power (3 C batteries for the mobile, and 2 AA for the remote) so it’ll be interesting to see how long the batteries last with regular mobile use.

I’m sure I’ll think of other things that I need/want for the baby as the months go on, but as with every parent, I made plenty of mistakes the first time around, and I plan on learning from those and making all new mistakes this time around

I think he discovered this most recent trick when our friend’s daughter (about 9 months younger) was examining a pine tree during a recent visit. Someone said, that’s a nice tree, isn’t it? And suddenly, Xander discovered the joys of petting bark.

This becomes particularly entertaining when there is a row of trees, say in a parking lot, and Xander must pet each and every one. Of course, the entertainment value wears off quickly when suddenly you’re running late and arguing with a 2 year old why you simply don’t have time to pet each tree three times today, but maybe tomorrow we can come back and pet them again… Somehow that “tomorrow” reasoning just isn’t good enough yet

Anyway, this is one of those quirks that I expect he’ll outgrow relatively quickly, and someday I may want to look back here and be able to tease him about his desire to pet trees.

17 week fetus

Apparently I have a lot to talk about this week, so I’ve mashed it all into one post. First, movement! I’m certain I’m now feeling movement, which is much earlier than the last time around. It’s not very regular yet, and sort of feels like that drop in your stomach when you hit a hill in a roller coaster or a steep road. I’m expecting the “kicks” to feel more like kicks in the upcoming weeks.

A VBAC update. I’ve decided to have another c-section. Ironically, it was Abby’s comment in my original post that helped me figure out what I really wanted to do. I think subconsciously I was already leaning towards c-section, but I wanted to make sure that I had carefully considered my options. Abby said that she thought with her second child she would opt for a VBAC, as she had a short-ish labor (5 hours) but a rather lengthy and painful recovery. I was the exact opposite. I had a long and miserable labor, but my recovery was quick and relatively painless. This helped me to realize that I’m much more comfortable doing that again than I am with an unpredictable labor. Those of you who know me know that I am not a spontaneous person. I like my life to be orderly and planned. In fact, I’ve already started making arrangements for my maternity leave even though it’s still over 4 months away. The idea of having everything planned before the next baby arrives is appealing and comforting to me. The thought of surgery is not overly concerning, and if my recovery is like the last one, then I should be feeling pretty good in a week or so after the event. I haven’t had a chance to discuss this with my doctors yet. My next appointment is August 21st, so hopefully they’ll be able to give me some more details at that point.

Speaking of my doctor’s appointment, I completed the “optional” additional testing my doctor’s office offers for downs syndrome and other various birth defects. The test is simply a vial of blood drawn. We did this with Xander during the last pregnancy. I stressed about it a little the last time, and started down the “what if” path. Luckily, Zach pulled me back to reality, and we decided not to even discuss other options until we had more information. Xander was of course perfect, so we never had to have discussions about “what if our child has a birth defect?” In my mind, this test was not optional for us. Regardless of the results, I want to know as much about my child as soon as possible. Even if the baby has downs syndrome, it’s something that I want to be prepared for - research, read books, talk to people and most importantly, prepare my family ahead of time. I don’t know how I would react to those faces that would initially be excited for us, and then look at us with pity. I want everyone to be happy about his baby’s arrival, and I don’t want any surprise that could have been prevented to detract from that happiness. I suppose that parents have reasons for choosing not to know - similar to those who chose to wait to find out the gender until the baby is born. I am just having a hard time figuring out why parents would make the decision not to know…

16 Week Fetus

I always assumed that with my second pregnancy I would be able to feel movement earlier, and I would recognize it as soon as it started. As with most assumptions, I was wrong. I remember what it felt like to have Xander bouncing around in there, but it’s hard to recall specifically what that initial movement felt like. Additionally, it’s so easy to convince myself that it was just a belly gurgle or gas or some other bodily process going on in there, and not actual fetal movement.

This past Sunday I was riding around on some pretty bumpy unpaved roads up on a mountain (that’s another story all together). I was pretty convinced that I could feel this little baby wiggling around as we rode. But, I didn’t feel much movement after that - not for a few days. Every once in a while I’ll think “maybe?” but then I’m not sure. This morning again, I thought I felt some wiggling, but it’s so faint that it’s hard to say definitively one way or another.

I’m not worried about not feeling movement yet - with Xander it was 19 weeks, and with some women it’s even later than that. They say that with your second (and later pregnancies) you feel movement sooner, partially because you know what to expect. Maybe I am feeling movement sooner, but it’s so easy to say “nah, that was something else” that I’m still not sure. I guess I’m waiting for a single definitive boot to the bladder to let me know that he or she is moving around in there.

Speaking of he or she - we have our ultrasound scheduled for August 7th at 8am. We are hoping that this child will be more cooperative than Xander was at telling us the gender prior to birth. Please keep your fingers crossed for us - this could be a huge help in the name negotiation game!

So, to sum up what Jesse was saying, essentially, we are being too soft on our kids, and teaching them to blame others for their problems. Some of the points that Jesse makes are good ones. I always felt that the movement to use purple pens for correction instead of red was insane. I don’t think it helps kids to make them feel less stressed about red pen markings. Same goes for everyone getting a trophy in little league, or no one having to sit down during a spelling bee.

However, I think that it’s easy to go too far with this as well. I think there must be a happy medium. Jesse talks about raising their 4 month old daughter. He makes reference to her almost being able to roll over, and someday trying to walk. These are things that I can easily relate to. I thought back to our experiences with Xander rolling over. It took him a long time to get this figured out. We could have left him screaming on his stomach for longer I’m sure. On the other hand, when he was flipping out, he wasn’t being productive. It wasn’t like he was trying to move himself, he was just crying, red-faced and miserable, so we didn’t leave him like that for lengthy periods of time. The same when Xander learned to walk. We held his hand when he asked, and let him attempt on his own when he didn’t.

Now, Xander is very clear with us when he wants to do things on his own. Two examples that come to mind immediately are the stairs, and food. Xander rarely wants help going up or down the stairs these days. We still play spotter when he’s walking down, but we let him go on his own for the most part. Xander also will refuse to eat if he can’t hold his own utensil. He doesn’t want to be spoon fed, and he doesn’t want help getting his food from the plate to his mouth. Regardless of how much he spills, he wants to do it on his own, and we let him as much as possible.

According to Jesse’s theory, Zach and I are raising a member of the “Y-Me?” generation. We help him when he asks for it, and sometimes when he doesn’t. On the other hand, we have an extremely self confident child. He adapts easily to change, isn’t afraid to try things on his own, and is confident that if he goes running around on the playground, Mom or Dad will be around somewhere to catch him if he slips.

We haven’t reached an age where we can start teaching things like fiscal responsibility, or familial responsibility in terms of chores, etc. Before I was a parent, I probably would have had some strong opinions about what we would and wouldn’t do in terms of these decisions. Now, I’m taking a “wait and see” attitude. I can’t tell you that we will definitely require Xander to do chores around the house or that we’ll give him an allowance or not. I just don’t know right now. I do know that when we need to make the decisions, we’ll make them based on what is best for Xander - what will help him to learn and develop in a manner that we are comfortable with.

I don’t think that anyone wants a child to grow up blaming the rest of the world for his or her difficulties, but I also don’t think that raising a 2 year old to understand that life is hard and you’re just going to have to get used to it is the only way to get there. I read through some of the comments on Jesse’s site, and everyone seemed to think that his ideas were right on the money, and this was definitely the way to go. It makes me wonder how many of those commenters actually have kids… Anyway, it was an interesting article and definitely thought provoking.

So, I’m ready for the baby bump. It does mean having to roll out of bed, and ask for help with putting on socks and shoes, and a general tiredness from carrying around the extra person. It’s harder to do things like dishes or laundry, but I think that means that men are supposed to pick up that slack Unfortunately I haven’t reached the baby bump stage. I just have a slightly bigger belly. If you didn’t know I was pregnant, you’d think I had just gained some weight (I’ve really only gained 5 pounds in the 15 weeks…). I hate this phase of growth. I look fatter, but not more pregnant, so to the casual observer I just look bigger. This is why I much prefer the baby bump. I’m hoping in the next few weeks or so that apple sized kid will start to makes its presence more obvious in my middle area and then I won’t look quite so much like I’m gaining weight and more like I’m growing a little person. Does anyone else have this sort of problem in early pregnancy? Before your belly bump becomes obvious, does it look like you’re just putting on the pounds? It is a rather depressing state of growth for your own body…

That being said, I’ve been so impressed with his speech lately! At our last doctor visit, he said that as long as Xander could string 2 words together by the time he is two, then they won’t be worried about his speech. Well Xander is already stringing 3 or 4 words together. Granted, it is in Xander-ese, so for people who don’t live with the little native, it sometimes takes a little interpretation. For example, “a squirrel go?” really means “where did the squirrel go?” or “a Grandpa no working” really means “Grandpa, no more working!” He has the two word commands down though - “Dada, sit!” “Momma, eat!” “Ready, go!” For the most part, the words that he does say are pretty intelligible. Though there are times when we just have no clue what he’s trying to tell us, and we can see that it frustrates him.

He’s also quite good at identifying animals (and the noises each animal makes) - not with any detail, he couldn’t tell you the difference between a Sperm Whale and a Killer Whale, but he can tell you that they are both whales. What impressed my mother-in-law (the third grade teacher in the family) the most is that he is starting to identify emotions in books. When he sees a character looking sad, he gets upset, says uh oh, and seems to want us to “fix” the sad person. I’m not sure when that empathy thing is supposed to start, but Xander is well on his way.

The only drawback at this point is that he sometimes still uses a pacifier. Mostly when he sleeps, and sometimes if we’re watching a cartoon (he’s only got three available to him - Curious George, Little Einsteins or Phineas and Ferb). However, once the new baby arrives, if he or she also uses a pacifier, I can imagine that Xander might regress a bit with his pacifier use, which would bother me a little bit, as at that point it may actually start to interfere with his speech development. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it goes… So that’s it for bragging, but every parent has to brag once in a while, right?