Am I Being Unreasonable?
July 1, 2009 | 3 Comments »I pose a question to the blogosphere, but before you can give me an informed opinion you need a little background. Zach is a gamer. He was a gamer before I met him, his love of video games continued through our courtship and I said yes to marriage knowing that I was marrying a gaming geek. It took us several years, but we finally found a compromise between Zach’s desire to spend time with video games, and my desire to spend time with Zach (not playing video games).
We do two things to achieve both these goals. First, all of our computers are centrally located in our house. We have 1 in the kitchen and 2-3 in the living room (2 are laptops, so can move about a little more easily). We don’t have computers in other more secluded areas of the house because we discovered that Zach is capable of being semi-sociable while playing some games, so if access to gaming happens to be in a common location we can accomplish both goals at once.
We also negotiated a 1-free-night-a-week deal. One night a week Zach spends playing games with his friends. This could be at a friend’s house, it could be in a quiet office conference room, it could be on a racquetball court. The location doesn’t really matter to me as long as it’s not in my house (the boys tend to be noisy when gaming, which is not compatible with those of us wanting to sleep before 1am).
Before we had kids, and even after we had settled into a routine with Xander, this would mean that Zach would fly out of his office at 5pm on the dot in order to get in a maximum amount of gaming. Once Parker was born, Zach’s routine changed slightly (without my asking - Zach just assumed this, and it worked well into his schedule). He has been helping me wrangle both boys into the house and onto some activity before leaving for the evening. This has proven incredibly beneficial to my sanity when I am outnumbered by small children. It means that I can prep a few things (like a bottle and a sippy cup and perhaps some pajamas) without multiple kids crying and/or screaming at me.
This week Zach’s friend has asked him to play racquetball before gaming, which means Zach will not be helping me transition the kids from day care to home. Zach plays racquetball 3-4 times a week during his lunch break (with different friends/co-workers) . However, this particular friend apparently has multiple excuses reasons why he is unable to play racquetball at lunch time like everyone else. I know that this friend will try to convince Zach to play racquetball every Wednesday before gaming.
So my question is, am I being unreasonable by being displeased with this new turn of events? Those 15 minutes make a HUGE difference in my day, but this arrangement was originally for 1 free night a week - not, 1 free night a week after you help me wrangle babies. Since Zach plays racquetball multiple times in a week, I don’t think that I am eliminating his desire for exercise and physical activity, just slightly encroaching on his gaming time. Also, our friend Jenny visits on Wednesday nights and usually arrives at our house by 6pm or so. However, by 6pm I’ve usually passed all of the big hurdles for the evening - bathing the boys and feeding Parker. By that time, I have Xander settled into an activity, and if Parker is being cooperative, I’ve started dinner. There is really about an hour or so (granted the most difficult hour in our day) that I’m outnumbered by babies. So, should I dig my heels in and say “hey - I really need your help after work”, or should I keep my big mouth shut and let my man have his whole evening back?
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It’s hard for me to believe that Parker is 6 months old today. I can still remember him kicking around in my belly, still remember the excitement I felt the night before he was born, that morning that Zach and I got up before the sun and drove to the hospital. I remember how nervous I felt, how the epidural gave me the shakes, and then holding my breath while the doctors gave Parker his first APGAR score. I can remember holding him for the first time, and snuggling with that little baby burrito for hours and hours. I remember a million more moments after that, but those moments don’t seem so long ago.
If Parker could talk (and form complete logical sentences, sit on his own, and type on a keyboard), I’m pretty sure he might say the following to his parents:
If you’ve read my blog much lately, you’ll already know that we have been working hard to get Xander potty trained this summer. He moves up to the next room at day care at the end of the summer, and the goal is to be fully potty trained before he can move. As with every other milestone in Xander’s life, once he decided he was ready, he was completely ready and had no interest in going backwards (the same with walking, moving out of his high chair, sleeping in a big-boy bed, etc.) We didn’t expect potty training to be any different, and it wasn’t. While Xander was still learning the process, we used pull-ups at nap time and bed time. It wasn’t long before Xander decided he didn’t like the bulky feeling of the pull-ups, and refused to wear them at night. I was of course a little nervous at first, but resigned myself to washing extra bedding during the learning process. It turns out, I didn’t need to - Xander stayed dry that whole night, and every night since then. He’s stopped using pull-ups at day care as well! We are finally back to having only one kid in diapers. There are a few mornings when Xander has woken up exceptionally early needing to pee, and a few nights when he tries to prolong bedtime by asking to use the bathroom again (and again and again), but I think we’re about ready to call this potty-training project a success!
See the guy in the photo? He changes diapers - at least as many as I do. He gives babies baths. He feeds that sleeping kid a bottle every night when the baby wakes up. He sleeps next to that baby and soothes him back to sleep countless times every night. He reads bedtime stories - and uses voices! He packs diaper bags. He installs car seats. He pushes strollers. He tests crib mattresses. He puts cribs and beds together. He paints nurseries and toddler rooms. He makes dinner! He feeds kids dinner. He gives his kids food off of his own fork! He plays games. He helps to put puzzles together. He colors. He plays with play dough. He finds lost “guys”. He pushes bikes. He plays “basketball”. He pushes kids on swings. He carries babies. He kisses boo-boos. He wrestles. He holds you when you’re sick. He has nearly infinite amounts of patience. He has several episodes of Little Einsteins memorized. He has a whole page of iPhone apps dedicated to entertaining his son. He has been peed on, pooped on, vomited on, spit-up on, drooled on, sneezed on and cried on. He is immeasurably proud of his sons. I cannot imagine a better father for my sons. Whether they realize it or not, they hit the jackpot! Happy Father’s Day (a little belated) Sweetheart. I love you.